Critical Feminist Studies 2013

Hello, my name is Ariana and I just recently switched into this course, so I guess I'll introduce myself here first. I am excited to meet you all and start learning. I thinks this class speaks to me specifically as i like to call myself a black feminist, and by this i mean that i value justice and equality for the black community (as well as other communities of color) and the justice and equality for women, not putting one above the other. The avatar I chose, or was hoping to choose (technologically challenged here) was of a vulture that I found in my yard one day when I came home. This turkey vulture, came into my life at a point where i was struggling with loving myself. That same day my father had found an article on these vultures and how although they have an ugly apperance, they are gentle creatures who clean up the mess what has been killed, and are graceful in flight. I was like the turkey vulture at that time, feeling ugly and unwanted, unaware of my ability to soar and cleanse the world. 

Link to Radiolab Podcast "Words":  http://www.radiolab.org/2010/aug/09/

In our discussion on Thursday, Anne pulled some lines from "Seeing Gender" that talked about "imagining language as a place of possibility, as opposed to a simple scripted repersentation;" we talked about signs and signifiers, repersentations and mimicry and related it all back to gender. This conversation reminded me of a podcast I listened to a while back called "Words". (I have conveniently linked the podcast above and I highly suggest you listen to it right now!). I relistened to it and thought about it in the context of gender. The general theme of the piece is, what do words do for us? are they neccasary? can you think without them? It's fitting that in each of these questions the word "words" could be replaced with the word "gender" and you could have an equally revolutionary conversation. Both socially constructed things seem so essential to life in our ability relate to ourselves and others. I'm currently struggling to articulate many of the thoughts I have and I'm hesitant to come to conclusions before others (I hope) have a chance to engage with the podcast but here are a couple preliminary reactions:

My own gender identity is something I've always taken for granted. My image in class was that of a rock, which signifies the sort of stagnant journey I've had in discovering my gender. I was designated female at birth, and as such I've considered myself female my entire life and never really had a problem with that. I can wear flowy dresses, baggy t-shirts, dress shirts and slacks, whatever style I find most appealing that day. Though whatever I choose to do I've always considered within the "bounds" of being female. The aptitude test in The New Gender Workbook declared me a gender outlaw, and I'm starting to think of all the ways I don't really fit society's box for my gender. I don't think about my gender all that often, I act and dress the way I choose without too much concern for how it fits the sterotype of female. If I don't shave my legs, if I never wear makeup or nail polish or if I never have children, does that make me less of a woman? What does make a woman anyway? Am I still female if I don't altogether care how I am read by others? Whether or not this causes any personal revelations in my identity I find it an interesting point of discussion that there's always more to learn about gender and sexuality.

I've been thinking more about sexuality versus sexual orientation. I've found that sexual orientation appears to be a social construction in the way that our sex is. Orientation suggests a single direction--a rigidity that I believe is found less often than expected when talking about human attraction.  These are the vocabulary words handed down to us.  In the way that our bodies are sometimes forced to commit to male or female, the same occurs with our sexualities because for some, it can be hard to imagine a world where words cannot define. These terms do not provide the prope scope to explain and define the sexual, emotional, or romantic experiences of humans. And for me, that is frustrating.  It's frustrating to see eyes roll when I mention being queer.  Once, somebody asked me if I wanted to be "special"--if I was "above just being bisexual"?  I choose to use some different words because I try to find the most specific language possible to describe my experience and my feelings at this point in my life.  It would do little justice to pick one over the other, as they provide little space for reflection and even self-doubt, which I find is the best prompt for internal reflection.

I grew up with openminded parents but I went to conservative schools in middle school and high school. Bryn Mawr was the first place where I got to see people of different genders being a major part of the community. I found Kathy Acker's essay "Seeing Gender" very informative. I do believe in the spectrum but I didn't realize until we talked about it in class that labels in regards to different types of genders are constricting and incorrect. I don't think people should have to define themselves using a term. Gender is fluid and people should  be allowed and encouraged to not stay in the Male-Female categories and find themselves. I found My Gender Workbook very interesting in that way, when Bornstein talks about herself and her partner switching genders. When we put terms onto people, even when it is done in a supportive way, it can make it harder to have the freedom to change and find themselves. Using terms can make understanding easier but it puts people in boxes. When you think of someone in a defined category you aren't giving them the opportunity to grow and change. 

On Thursday I loved the discussion we had about gender and sexuality. We really questioned where these binarys and sterotypes stemmed from and tried to find a solution. During my entire life I have never questioned my gender or sexuality until i started to investgate the importance of knowing my body and what I want. However, although I never questioned my gender or sexuality I have never critized or judged anyone for doing so. I always found it crazy when people would. But i then realized that this topic is only questionable because society has demonized those that do. At one point in history it was considered a mental illness. Crazy isn't it? Whats more crazy is that people still think it is which blows my mind. However, on a positive note America has evolved over time to slowly accept the LGBTQI community. During our last discussion in class I brought up the topic about gay rights in America. Now, I know America has a long way to go when it comes to improving our country and an even longer way to go to in order to make everyone equal. But I want to highlight both the good and the bad about America's progress with gay rights. I did some research to really find out how much progress America has really made when it came to gay rights and honestly I was completey stunned. As of June 2013 36 states banned same sex marriage (Roberts). According to the Gaullpa poll only 53% of Americans believe that gay marriage should be leaglized (Roberts). Although i was quite shocked about how low 53% was I wasn't suprised.

I had a breakthrough last night while I was reading My New Gender Workbook. Kate, the author, asked readers to think about “any journeys [they’d] made across identities.” Before this comment, I had been having trouble connecting with Kate and her “twibe’s” gender identity experiences. While I was interested in them, I was at a level where I couldn’t truly understand them. That is until I was asked to think about my own identity. That’s when I realized that the way gender identity had been described throughout the book so far was similar to the way I felt about my own racial identity. I am mixed race with a Black mother and a White father (to put it simply). Yet all of my life I have been strictly classified as Black. Why? Because it’s convenient to put people in specific categories and think of them as just that. If there was a name for every combination and racial mix of people out there then our perception of race would be even more complicated than it already is. Is that a bad thing though? 

Kathy Acker concludes her essay "Seeing gender" with her powerful description of what she terms "languages of the body."  As she argues, the languages of the body are innately true and real, untouched by the mimetic qualities of language as it has been constructed and owned by the patriarchal model.  Because Acker cannot disconnect herself from her body, and in that same way how the body must be the site and originator of her imagination and self, she finds in it the only deeply true language in that it has not yet been subject to the socially constructed world outside her self.