New Comments on Serendip

i also realized that this whole time i have been posting my reflections as comments to alice's initial post instead of on my own personal blog page, the one that tracks all your inidividual entries ... i hope that's not a problem .. ?? :( sad to not have a record of it all, though .. i hope there is a way to get that back?

I am so sorry for your troubles. No one deserves to experience anything like this. Remember that there is still goodness in the world, there is still love, and there is still beauty. The world will become better and will answer the cries of people like you, sooner or later. From one human being to another, know that you are loved.

Ok so I've had some trouble logging into Serendip so I haven't been able to get enough reflections done, I'm going to paste one that I wrote a few days ago under my newest reflections... also I want to say if you're not playing on the class server PLEASE DO!! there's safe spaces and no more zombies and free food and a glass house!

-I really like the game, it is intuitive once you get the hang of it but not too simple as to become overly repetitive. Being able to get really creative with the game has made it that much more interesting, though I do think that in order to become really creative you have to have gotten to a point where you "get" the game to a deep level, and you know where to get the resources that you need to build a lot of different things.

So.. a struggle:

My struggle has been not to get too sucked into the game world to the point where I am neglectiving more important obligations. This is complicated by the fact that I am technically supposed to be doing this for homework so I can justify it to myself more easily, but it can still conflict with plans I have made. I do like that it offers a bit of an escape. I have also struggled a bit with defending playing the game for homework, though most people have just thought it's really cool. (also I accidentally started a forest fire on the top of the mountain the other day I was pretty afraid it was gonna burn down Wendy's house but i just burned the leaves and trees so that's good)

Achievement: 
Well I spent a good amount of time in the game this weekend, and if you check out the main mountain area where most of the stuff seems to be going on you'll see a glass house that I built into the side of the mountain. I am pretty proud of it. The (stained) glass took a bit of time to craft but I am really happy with it and I think it's really cool. I also really want everyone to come inside, the entrance is a little stairway underneath the glass. I'm also proud of having all the resources needed to make the stained glass, it took a lot of mining to get enough coal. If anyone wants to come I can show them some really cool caverns with lava and gold and such.

Now what?

I'm not really sure.. maybe make the house (or community center as it really is now) bigger, and hopefully get a little indoor lake inside it which would be really cool. I also just want to help other people get involved in building. One important tip: sleep in the bed that Wendy put in the homeless shelter, so when you die the next time you will respawn in the bed and not in the original spot. That ways you'll be by all the action when you respawn!

> My main struggle with this game is that it demands time before you get the really cool reward, or "epic win" as the TED talk we watched would put it. It can get pretty tedious to look for iron and especially diamonds. Partially, I think I am spoiled by finding a cavern with a lot of minerals in it early on playing, and then getting killed by some monsters in the cave. That is another annoying part - when you die you are left with nothing.

Achievement:

I am pretty proud of my mines.. I've dug to the bedrock in multiple places, and found a cave in one. Comparing my house to others, however, mine is obviously much less organized and more haphazard, it kind of just devolves Into a mine.

Now what:

I want to get more creative.. I light want to dig out the whole mountain around me to make a giant ceiling for my house, or maybe create a rollercoaster.

A struggle: The past couple of days I have played Minecraft I have been VERY lost. I went exploring and kept traveling farther away from my house. Eventually I forgot which way I had to go to find my way back and guessed. After a while I decided to climb a mountain to see if I could find a familiar area by looking down on the word. Unfortunately I could not and decided to let myself drown so I could respawn near my house and get back to the part of the world we have created. 

An accomplishment: I built a second level to my house and figured out how to make stairs. I still feel like I am in the early stages of figuring out Minecraft and after seeing other people's house and the public farming areas I want to figure out how to make plants. 

An Observation: I love that there are public areas now. It makes it feel like more of a community within the Minecraft world and seeing how much people are progressing in the game has been really interesting to watch. Each time I log on it seems like there is something different that was not there before. 

A struggle:
1) When I played the other day, I was frustrated still by the fact that I was doing a lot of digging but not finding anything. Does anyone have advice on where to dig? or wil anyone give me permission to dig in their mine?

2) Today, I actually did not have a lot of struggles because I found the "homeless shelter" that Wendy made and spent a lot of my time there. I suppose the struggle then would be thinking of ways to contribute to the space.

An accomplishment:

1) I was getting really frustrated with getting lost. Luckily, someone has told me that you can make a compass out of red stone. I guess I haven't been mining in the right spots I guess because I haven't found any, but it was an accomplishment that I sought out the information and figured it out!

2) I made a few books for the upcoming community library today. Also, I replaced any materials that I took from the community shelter area so that anyone who comes after me can find things as well.

An observation:

1) I noticed that I was getting very bored with the game the other day and asked myself whether or not young children would have the self-motivation to battle through dry spells in the game when they aren't sure what to do. 

2) I learned that sleeping in a bed will make the night pass by much faster. I hadn't made a bed of my own so I hadn't gotten the chance to experience this. This allevieates one of my previous frustrations of mine which was being really bored at night because I couldn't see in order to mine or do things.

A question:

1) My question the other day was how we would establish the community center. Luckily,Wendy got the ball rolling so now we can just add.

2) If we have the community library, what will we do with it? How do you even read a book?

As far I know, tingling, fatigue and weakness are all signs of post GBS. If you are tired, you need to rest and eat well and take care of you! There is no time table on recovery. I am 19 months out and I still have numbness in my face, which is the worst part. I also have tingling, "zaps" here and there and muscle spasms. I consider myself blessed from what I have read and seen. Take care and say positive - you are alive and able to enjoy life!!

Sherry Ortner argues that “agency...is both a source and effect of power” in “Thick Resistance: Death and the Cultural Construction of Agency in Himalayan Mountaineering” (Ortner 146). Her definition of agency is multi-faceted. Therefore, to learn about a character’s agency (with Ortner’s definition in mind), I must explore agency further than I did with Alkirke’s definition; I must look at both the effects of a character’s agency and the factors that facilitated this agency.

Zadie Smith’s characters illustrate agency as an “effect of power” when they attempt to change their lives. Felix shows that he feels empowered when he stops using drugs and decides to be in a monogamous relationship with Grace. Leah illustrates her agency when she gets an abortion and takes birth control to ensure that she does not become pregnant. Michel portrays that he is empowered when he confronts Shar on the way back from the supermarket. Throughout the novel, Natalie also demonstrates that she is empowered because she gains social mobility and enters the upper class. By altering their lives, all of these characters show that they have agency.

Although finding the “effects of power” was easy, discovering the sources is much more difficult. I could argue that Felix gained power from his relationship from Grace and that her support and love led him to get clean. I could also argue that Leah was empowered by her relationship with Michel. However, though these are all valid possible sources of power, they are no more than possible sources of power. There is no way to determine causality and to undeniably state that one possibility is the true source of power. There are two reasons for this. Firstly, most characters never tell the reader exactly where they get their agency from. Secondly, a character’s agency may be derived from multiple sources, sources that the character is subconscious of. Leah exemplifies both of these two reasons. While she is sitting in the waiting room, Leah never clearly states what empowered her to get an abortion. Moreover, even if she did, even if Leah said that Michel’s love for her gives her agency, she would not be acknowledging her other power sources. Another power source that Leah has is her socioeconomic class; she has the monetary resources to get an abortion. Like Leah, all of the characters have sources of power which they derive agency from and capitalize on that may not be aware of. These sources could include characters’ socioeconomic class, their race, and their upbringing. Since the characters may be unaware of their own sources of power, the reader will never be able to determine them either: making my search for causality an impossible endeavor. 

Although this seems to render half of Ortner’s definition useless when applying it to NW, the idea that sources of agency are often subconscious affects existentialism and its relation to the novel. It raises the following questions: can characters truly define themselves if they are influenced by subconscious power sources? And, are any of these characters able to create their own meaning if some of their meaning has already been determined for them by these subconscious power sources? 

Zadie Smith’s character Nathan Bogle elaborates on these questions. While walking with Natalie Blake, Nathan Bogle tells her, “There’s no way to live in this country when you’re grown. Not at all. They don’t want you, your own people don’t want you, no one wants you. Ain’t the same for girls, it’s a man ting” (Smith 376). Nathan is eluding to how his race stopped him from having agency. Nathan neither had the “source [or] effect of power.” Nathan did not have a power source because he did not feel as if he had support from his community when he was young. Moreover, Nathan’s life shows that Nathan did not reap the effects of power; he is still living in Northwest London in poverty. Although Nathan did not have agency, he shows that agency and existentialism are intertwined. Agency gives people the ability to define themselves through their actions. Since Nathan did not have agency, he was not able to define himself further than a poor black male, which was the role in society that he was born into. Therefore, people (characters and Nathan included) cannot simply define themselves. Often, other factors prevent a person from developing his own meaning.

Work Cited

Ortner, Sherry B. "Thick Resistance: Death and the Cultural Construction of Agency in Himalayan Mountaineering." Representations 59.1 (1997): 135-62. Print.

Smith, Zadie. NW. New York: Penguin, 2012. Print.

just spent a while catching up on everyone else's postings ... wow, i am so humbled by everyone's insights and collaboration!!! this is an amazing thing we're part of and creating ... love how reflective people are being. feeling very inspired and excited to keep going with my own minecraft development, even though i have a long ways to go. thanks to everyone!

i wasnt able to write up my reflections immediately after playing for the last few days, so i'm going to mush them all together in this post for today ...

accomplishments - I BUILT A HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! well, kind of ... but i'm still super excited and proud .... im still in singleplayer, so i feel awesome about myself that i survived long enough to do so ... i kept getting confused about how/where to get stone, and tonight i was mining some random dirt and then fell through the earth into this underground cave/mine. id seen other people in these spaces but didn't know how to get to them, myself. trial and error, yay learning process ... so then i mined the heck out of a bunch of stone, etc which was actually really empowering feeling ... i built lots of axes and shovels, etc. I spent my first night there, avoiding death .. the next day, i made some bowls but am one mushroom short of making stew ... then as night approached the second time, i panicked, feeling very protective of my hard won progress, so i quickly built a wooden enclave into the side of a mountain. this really consisted of me walling myself into the side of the cliff so that to get out i hard to hack my way through the wooden blocks and re-mine them ... but it kept me alive! i get bored at night, though, i just had to stand there until day broke. at first, though, i didn't understand how to actually place blocks to build things but then realized it must be like placing anything else, like a crafting table. so in a more meta learning sense, i was able to make connections between an unknown/question and what i already knew and had practiced. i used the 'how to build a house in MC' website i found last week for step by step instructions (mine wood, build a wood pickaxe, mine stone, build a stone pickaxe, etc ..) - so i've been liking this combination of guided and at times explicit instruction and then my own free exploration. i also didnt understand how to build a roof at first but just kept clicking frantically to place blocks until it seemed like i was safe enough. so i know im still 'behind' the general curve of the rest of us in terms of my building skills/expertise, but i wanted to celebrate my own accomplishment haha .. i hope to re-join the class server soon so that i can actually contribute to larger/communal projects, but maybe its good that im developing my skills individually before joining the larger group, who knows... 

observations - i've had 3 experiences in which i've been able to connect my 'life' in MC to my life outsisde of it (or to use thomas' lingo, which i like, my analogue to my digital life) - or in another sense, MC has helepd me strengthen my relationships in the analogue world, which is something i never would have expected and have strongly thought the opposite until very recently.

• one of the guys with whom i live (we lived together first year and have been close ever since) is a MC master and has spent a lot of time playing over the last few years. when he heard about our project, he became very excited and interested. i began talking with him about it several weeks ago, before we actually started the unit. since then, we've been talking about the game here and there, and on friday i reached out to him and 2 other guy friends who also play to see if they wanted to play together/help me learn. they were totally excited about it and agreed to do so. i make frequent use of the wiki and other internet sites, but now i also pop my head out the door and ask for his advice on any random question or problem that crops up. although we've been friends for all these years of college, we have never had all that much in common to discuss, but now MC is changing that in our relationship - !! it is definitely bringing us closer in some ways. i can tell that he gets a lot of satisfaction out of being able to help me. and i feel similarly because it gives us something to connect through. i would like to actually play in real time with him.
• the second interaction happened just tonight when i saw robert in the DC .. as we walked past each other, he called out and asked if i had seen the new house he had built in the class server. (i said i hadn't because i cant get back on the server ..) - but it was really cool and validating to talk about this other 'world' in which we interact in our daily analog space. although he and i would always acknolwedge each other and say hi upon seeing each other, this interaction had a new level of excitement as he shared of his recent building accomplishment. he was with 2 friends, and i wondered how it appeared to them and if they asked him what he was talking about as they walked away. 
• and third - also just tonight, i was waiting in line for food at the DC while talking with one of my first years .. she was saying how she hadn't gotten anything done today because she'd spent the whole time playing video games .. at first this didnt register with me at all, and then i thought to ask which games, 1/2 wondering if it could be MC ... indeed it was! she couldnt believe that i was doing it for a school project, and she agreed to teach me what she could when i asked for her help. we talked about it a bit more over dinner, which included her making fun of me for dying so frequently (in singleplayer!). this quickly turned into a running banter between us. it was ncie because she is someone i havent gotten to speak with a lot so far, and just like with my guy friend, the game gave us something in common that acted as an entry point to a deeper and more connected relatioship. very interesting in all 3 situations. 

questions - id like to talk with some of these friends i've mentioned who play/have played MC on their own. id like to ask them similar questions to those that we raised in our talk with thomas. id like to know more about their own experiences with it. especially because my one friend said she had 'wasted' the day playing it, i wonder if she could think of it as an educational tool or something that can so benefit your personal development .. 

struggles - i had paused the game to do something else, and all of a sudden once i rejoined the whole imagery was totally pixelated (more so than usual :) and very blurry .. things still worked ok, but it all felt like slow motion as i tried to move around and do things. it was very hard to look at. i asked my resident MC expert, and he said that it was probably because the game itself is such a large file and that my computer might be overloaded .. he fiddled with some of the game settings for the graphics and other things, but it didnt help .. i suggested i close out of the game and maybe even restart my computer, which he agreed with, but i havent done so yet .. anyone else experience this?? another struggle is that i still can't seem to get back on the class server! i had  forgotten the code, but after i ran into robert in the DC he reminded me of it, but when i entered it i still was not able to connect ... i will bring this up in class tuesday and hope someone can help me straighten it out .. 

I've been managing my sleep paralysis ever since I was 11 years old. Now that I'm 32, I haven't had many episodes. The last one occurred sometime in September. My only fear of SP is how will I be able to deal with it when I'm in my 60's and 70's?

Are there any people over the age of 50 that are still dealing with SP?
Is it more traumatic?
I hope someone answers.

Just put "RE: Kymmie" so I'll see it.

Thank you all for sharing your experiences

In june 2012 I noticed back pain and numbness in feet/ hands that rapidly spread. In a couple of days could not walk. I was thinking pinched nerve. Tried a walker... fell... could not get up, panicked wife called ambulance. Ended up in Vanderbilt for 3 weeks. Smart wife, good medical treatment and diagnosis saved me. However my insurance would not cover pt pay, they would pay for a nursing home. My mind set was that you go to nursing home to die. So refused and I went home in a wheel chair, rehab myself with help of loving wife. In about a week the wheel chair was gone went to walker then a cane, now nothing. I still have tingling in toes, tired really easy, legs weaker than I like, which affects my balance.
Are these post GBS symptoms similar to any one else??

Prayers to all who have suffered and continue to suffer.

hi all,

thanks for putting this on serendip, anne, and moving us along. 

i'd also looked up and at these books, and i agree that overall 'life on the outside' seems like the strongest choice. part of what i'm drawn to here is the look at sentencing stuff, which might get us into some of those political issues in class... and of course there's the focus on re-entry.  thanks, hayley, for your good searching! 

'random family' seems more focused on younger people, and though also put out with a kind of sociological framing, those aspects seem less on-target for our crew.  though i agree - it's a good alternative, and if others argue for it, i'm open.

two others of these interested me:

'crazy brave' raises some of the same life issues but in a very different geographical and cultural frame.  i'm wondering about this as a possibility a bit down the road, thinking we might be building a kind of foundation that we can then move off of - like to poetry (kettle bottom, sanchez, giovanni all seem possibilities) and/or to another cultural context (like in crazy brave - oklahoma, native americans, different kind of 'natural' world...).

i'm also interested in 'men we reaped' by ward, partly bc by a woman and 'about' men and masculinity but also it's her memoir - intriguing, andbut i think i'd want to look more closely at the book, and also see this one as more challenging/harder, and again, maybe down the road.

so:  yes, i'd go with ordering 'life on the outside' - just putting down these thoughts for future reference, and will add to serendip too

looking forward to hearing from others...
jody

i looked up all these books on amazon, and "looked inside" all those i could.

@ first, "life on the outside" put me off--the review says it "is told in encyclopedic detail, sometimes to a fault-including the entire texts of many letters, minutiae of clothing and even full grocery lists....Gonnerman's style is utterly artless, occasionally to the point of awkwardness"--but the section on amazon was pretty good, and it did make me want to read more. and (however it's written) it's about what the women in our class will face.

the review compares it to what it says is the better-written Random Family: Love, Drugs, Trouble and Coming of Age in the Bronx--so: what would you say to that as an alternative? (there are also pages of that to preview from amazon).

if i had to decide tonight, i'd go for "life on the outside"....
and would feel fine about ordering 20 copies
(? yes? on my bmc credit card? w/ the intention of charging it to LILAC?)
tomorrow. what do you all think?

I don't know the answer -- but the question reminds me of Frankenstein! Did you try googling it?  Shall we ask Thomas?