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“I think the big mistake in schools is trying to teach children anything, and by using fear as the basic motivation. Fear of getting failing grades, fear of not staying with your class, etc. Interest can produce learning on a scale compared to fear as a nuclear explosion to a firecracker.” – Stanley Kubrick

When I first entered this class “fear of getting failing grades and fear of not staying with my class” motivated me more than anything to do well. I would focus so heavily on the grade that I’d receive instead of truly asking myself if I understood a concept or if I had lingering questions. As the class proceeded I allowed fear to alleviate and my interest took over. I began to invest all of my time and effort into truly pin pointing my interests and confusions and exploring them more. Beginning with my first paper on the representation of feminism. I promised myself that every paper I write in this class I would challenge my thinking, never take the easy way out, take a risk and never write about something I wasn’t interested in. That is exactly what I did. Every Web Event I invested countless numbers of hours alone and in the writing center making sure that I was expressing my ideas the way I wanted to. I wanted to make sure that my authentic voice was heard through each paper. By the last Web Event 3 I truly was pleased with how my writing progressed. I noticed that by Web Event 3 I was thinking more critically about each topic and posing more questions. That led me to my web extension which was me further thinking about topics I was interested in and analyzing it deeply. Throughout this process I realized how my writing had changed from it being very basic  and to the point to something worth reading, something worth arguing about. I made myself very vulnerable in my writing by the end of the semester because I didn't allow fear of grades and performance to effect me.

            I applied that same mindset to my weekly postings and responses to my classmates. I spent more time and effort reading my classmates posts and commenting then I did on my own posts. I wanted to think critically about other opinions and add in my own thoughts to see if it would resonate with them. A few times I didn't get a response from my peers online and other times I did, even in person. It was enjoyable to have conversations about these controversial topics, expressing our confusions and also pushbacks on my opinions. I didn't take them offensively because I purified my thinking of negativity and fear and thought of their critiques as opportunities to learn a new perspective.

            An example of a memorable conversation was a post I made about Daddy Day Care as an example of unbinding feminism. I received about 2 posts in response expressing their confusions and wanting answers for such a difficult concept to grasp. I used that opportunity to help them understand what I thought was correct but also for them to help me understand the concept as well. I was pleased that my post was able to ignite thinking about this concept and pose more questions. My goal for all of my posts is to do so and I was glad that one did. The use of serendip in the class is the reason why I was even able to write postings and respond to others. Although at first I didn't like serendip very much because I honestly wasn't tech-savvy I have grown to like it.

            Serendip alleviated the stress of feeling fear. Fear of being attacked and also fear of confrontation in general. Although there were pushbacks I was able to express my emotions and responses in words rather than by word of mouth. It was a mode of stream of consciousness. Whenever a new idea came to mind or I watched something that I could apply to class I wrote it on Serendip.  It also allowed me to be apart of two communities at once; a online community and a classroom community.

             Our classroom community was just as insightful and rich as our online community. Hearing other individuals’ thoughts by word of mouth was very different from reading it on Serendip. I could see the emotion in their faces and hear the passion in their voices about the many topics we covered. I resonated very much with my classmates on many topics but on some I didn’t. I expressed my emotions more when in small groups than I did large ones. Also when in small groups I would pose more questions and really try to get them to think about things in a new light.

            An example of this was when we were split into groups and we discussed “home” and where that is for some. One of my classmates thought that it was very selfish of me to say that we need to step outside of our “homes” sometimes because not everyone has a home. Although I was quite upset that she was so strongly against me I remembered to always “judge the idea not the person.” I understood her stance and proceeded to ask her questions to grasp her thinking. I asked: What is your definition of home? How does one feel when that's no longer there? Was it by choice that “home” is no longer there or is it by force? I seemed to play the role of expanding others thoughts on things but also getting my opinion out in the open when in small groups.

            In the large group I played a different role. I spent a lot of time listening and trying to understand bigger concepts. However, I always made an effort to speak during every class period whether it was a word or a long statement or even a question I wanted to contribute some how. I never wanted my voice to go unheard in the class. The classroom setup made it more comfortable for me to express my thoughts.

            Some of the most intriguing questions, thoughts and ideas came from some of the readings we had done. I loved Feminism is for everyone: Passionate politics and Persepolis. Both novels sparked a lot of anger and emotion from me. They were also the easiest for me to digest. The most challenging read for me was Exile & Pride. The topics addressed about disability were very challenging and hard for me to relate to being that I never thought about it or went through it. I spent a lot of time talking to my classmates and my friends about the topics presented in the book to try and get other perspectives in order to cultivate my own stances. It was a learning experience for me and to this day I am still trying to grasp it and I wont rest until I do. I did a lot of outside reading about disability feminism and also skimmed through the novel again to try and understand the concepts presented in Exile & Pride.

            In addition to Exile & Pride I had a very difficult experience with The Sand Man. I wasn’t very interested in comic books or understood how this connected to feminism. This book also made me really dig deep into the reading to connect it to feminism and also to understand the concepts embedded in it. I began to apply that same concept to many things around me. Not everything will be black and white. Sometimes I have to critically think about things and ponder with it in my mind in order to find connections or to see why there aren’t connections. This has “expanded my learning edges.” I wont accept things as they come. I want to ponder with it and never stop asking questions.

            In conclusion, I have now begun to think differently about learning styles. I have purified my thinking of fear and concentrated on my interests because I’ve realized that is way more enjoyable than doing things out of fear. I have pinpointed my interests and tried my best to delve deeper into them and always ask questions no matter how stupid or how intellectual. The important thing to me is my self-growth. I focused a tremendous amount of time on my self-growth and new ways of learning things. The most helpful way for me was to not be so quick to comment on things and think that I needed to have a response to everything quickly but instead to ponder with it for a minute and ask others questions. As stated by Einstein “Any fool can know. The point is to understand.”