This Is Your Brain on Porn: Pornography Addiction, Society, and the Brain

I am 18 years old and I am a Christian today. When i met Christ almost 2 years ago, i declared that i would stop watching porn because i believe that since he died for me, i no longer live for myself, but for him. I was almost fully successful in totally getting rid of my disgusting desire(of course with His help) but after a few months later, i started to feel hungry for porn again. Almost every other week, i would go to the computer to do some "research"(actually i really have a research to do) but then I would end up searching for porn. With God's help i would defeat this temptation, and stop it for a month. But it keeps on coming back! Until i realized that i would fall to this sin of watching porn every month! Every month i would keep this mind far away from porn as long as possible, but there will always be a day when i will fall. I try to not think about it but the random stuff in the internet make me wonder and remember all the porn i watched and then i would end up being hungry for it again! How can i fully stop it?? I know, with His help I can, but for my part, are there other ways to not fall?? I want to totally stop it.. I start to feel so ashamed every time i go to church. and the worst part is that i am a lead worshiper volunteer in church! please pray for me..

The problem is universal.

Masturbation itself may have been common (albeit a sin), but pornography brings in its wake a whole new host of issues. As people have said already, the images are stored on the brain forever. No amount of returning to purity can take away those images; the damage is done.

Being left alone by a computer is too tempting to arouse the curiosity of another woman's body and especially as everything is so free. This is like curry to a drunkard, he simply cannot avoid without excruciating efforts. Perhaps this is what is being tested - whether we really have the trust and faith in the Lor- that we must not engage in these things. Why? Simply because He doesn't like it when we do. Aiii, "I am not hurting anyone else". Aiiii, "My life is stressful and I have A, B and C to contend with that noone else has to deal with, porn is my outlet...." Nevertheless, we need to tell ourselves that even though all our "aiiis" may be true we are not going to engage with porn because the Lor- tells us it is destructive and He doesn't like it.

I believe with this approach (together with the 12 Step Alcoholics Anonymous approach adapted to Porn Addiction):-

The 12 Steps

The 12 Step Program is basically a spiritual ladder. Since the alcoholic feels that he himself is unable stop his drinking and take control of his life, the 12 Steps are designed to connect the alcoholic with a benevolent "higher power" who takes control for him. AA claims that by following this program, an alcoholic can overcome his problem. Here are the 12 Steps (adapted to porn):-

We admitted we were powerless over lust--that our lives had become unmanageable.
We came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of G-d as we understood Him.
We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
We admitted to G-d, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
We were entirely ready to have G-d remove all these defects of character.
We humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
We made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
We made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
We continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong, we promptly admitted it.
We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with G-d as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we try to carry this message to sexoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

The main elements of the program are admitting the addiction; admitting that one is unable to overcome the addiction on his own; making a strong connection to G-d and believing that He will take the addiction away. The basis of this approach is summed up in a prayer that group members are encouraged to recite, called the "Serenity Prayer."

THE SERENITY PRAYER
G-d, grant me the
SERENITY
to accept the things I cannot change
COURAGE
to change the things I can
and WISDOM
to know the difference.

Gazing at Women - Torah forbids a Jew to gaze at women to enjoy their beauty. "Do not go after your....eyes" (Numbers 15:39) this refers to sexual immorality. The eye and the heart are the two instruments of sin. The eye sees, the heart desires, and the body completes the action." (Rashi on Numbers 25:39)

"Whoever gazes at a woman forbidden to him, and says to himself that there is nothing wrong with this, for he hasn't had sexual relations with her, or even touched her, he is mistaken. Gazing at women is a serious wrongdoing, for it brings a man to sexual transgression, as it says, You shall not go astray after your hearts and after your eyes." (Hilchot Tshuva of the Rambam, 4:4)

The Gemara teaches: "You should guard yourself from every evil thing - this means a man should not gaze at an attractive woman, even a single one, nor at a married woman, even if she is ugly." (Avodah Zora 20A.)

This is because, "A man shouldn't have sexual thoughts in the day and come to seminal impurity at night." (Avodah Zora 20B.)

Gazing at women, however, pollutes the highest level of the soul that is contained within man (there are two levels beyond man).In doing so, it damages the flow of Divine blessing emanating from the highest spiritual realms.

A person addicted to porn on the Internet has to realize that his physical and spiritual health and wellbeing, and the wellbeing of his family, depends on his behaviour. The pornography in a person's computer, and, by watching it, in his head, is in itself an unclean thing that drives G-d away from him and his home, and adversely influences his life and the lives of his loved ones.

Porn problem = moral decline. Certainly a man who is fired from his job and sits at home alone all day in his melancholy is a prime candidate for Internet misuse. While there are undeniable emotional and psychological influences connected with the succumbing to bad habits, there are deep spiritual causes as well.

In his treatise on the phenomenon of repentance, "Orot HaT'shuva," Rabbi Kook explains that the underlying cause of melancholy is a separation from G-d which is brought about because of our sins. Instead of feeling the light and love of G-d's presence, the depressed person experiences darkness and isolation. Clicking on to porn on the Internet gives the addict an imaginary feeling of connection, but because it isn't real, the connection doesn't last, and the addict needs more and more. This emptiness leads to continuing transgression and a greater disengagement from G-d.

Sensing that G-d is not in him, the addict falls into more self-destructive behaviour and eventual despair. In a deep, unconscious way, he uses his addiction to punish himself for his sins. In effect, he creates his own hell. In Kabbalistic terms, he draws a dark, impure klipah, or impure spirit, around himself that seduces him on to more and more evil. Kabbalists say that if he could see the punishment he brings on his soul, he would be mortified. The klipot that his transgressions create beat upon him mercilessly, both spiritually, mentally, and in his day to day life, interfering in everything that he does, and affording him no peace of mind whatsoever.

The only cure, Rabbi Kook writes is t'shuva which comes like a burst of sunlight after a tempestuous storm. In essence, the 12 Torah Steps are a pathway to t'shuva and to forging a loving and lasting connection to G-d that infuses life with transcendent light and meaning, banishing all of the impurity and darkness.

Getting Started

To break the addiction to watching pornography on the Internet, after you have admitted the gravity of your addiction and this is my absolute last fix and have made the firm decision to stop, the first thing to do is get your computer out of the house. It would be good if you could throw it in the garbage. Remember, we learned that an alcoholic has to keep away from booze, and a narcotics addict has to keep away from drugs and any people or situation that might lead him to drugs. This is not new advice. To make sure that a Nazir keeps away from wine, the Torah also forbids grape juice and grapes. The Sages even advise him to avoid passing a vineyard.
Thus, if getting rid of your computer is impossible, either because you need it for work, or the kids would go crazy without one, then at least cancel your Internet service. It is as simple as that.

If the pornography isn't in your home, you won't be able to watch it and get snared in its temptations. And if this too is impossible for whatever genuine reason, and make double sure that the reason is real, then have your wife, or a friend, download every porn filter they can without telling you the code. While these systems aren't foolproof, they will greatly reduce your chances of falling back into old ways.

Remember that part of the cure is telling other people, so even though you may be embarrassed by this confession, it is a necessary part of the programme. If you can't do it with your wife, then find someone else. Note that one can accomplish this stage without specific confession. Simply state to your wife and daughters: "Of course, I need a filtering program. I am a healthy man with all of my strengths and therefore, I, like any G-d fearing person, need a filter installed with a secret code." Someone once sat at the internet-enabled computer in the home of a great Torah scholar of our generation who has authored important Torah works . When locked out of a legitimate site due to the porn filter's over sensitive screening, he called over his daughter to insert the code and open the site. Only his wife and daughters knew the code.

Even with a filter installed, it is best not to sit down at a computer alone. Make sure that someone is with you, not across the room, but sitting at your side, so that you don't bypass the filters and sneak into a site you shouldn't see. Addicts tend to be clever people who have learned all of the tricks, so until the 12 Steps sink in, supervision is advised.

The Chofetz Chaim had an encouraging word for people who had a problem with speaking lashon hara (speaking bad about other people). He taught that if you are tempted to say lashon hara, yet keep yourself from saying it three times in succession, you are on the way to breaking your habit. This is true with every sin, and also with watching porn. As the expression goes, what is out of sight is out of mind. The more you keep away from temptation, the less it will haunt you. With the spiritual reinforcement that a person will receive by following the 12 Torah Steps, his abstinence will lead him to discover that he doesn't need his addiction at all.

Don't expect your addiction to disappear overnight, and don't fall into despair if you suffer a setback. Only true tzaddikim (righteous ones) do not have impure thoughts, and we are not on their level. The holy Tanya explains that when a person has a lustful thought and pushes the temptation away with both hands, every time he expels the wicked fantasy from his mind, he breaks the force of Sitra Achra (the Other Side), and brings about a great rectification in all spiritual worlds. When a person places his love and reverence for G-d over his passion for lust, his action sanctifies G-d more than any other praise. "Therefore," the Tanya states, "no person should feel depressed, nor should his heart become exceedingly troubled, even though he be engaged all his days in this conflict, for perhaps because of this was he created, and this is his service - to constantly subjugate the Sitra Achra" (Tanya, Ch. 27). Each time a person overcomes his inclination, he draws a sublime holiness upon himself from Above to aid him in his service of G-d.

Thus, when a person bent on t‘shuva sits down at a computer, even though erotic thoughts continue to rise up in his mind, he should be happy that he reverts his mind from them in order to fulfill the commandment, "Thou shall not stray after your heart and after your eyes which lead you astray." A person who abstains from committing a sin, receives a reward as if he had performed a precept. So he should rejoice in his lot and know that there is great value in his struggle, even though he doesn't become a complete tzaddik immediately.

One final note before the 12 Torah Steps in beating Porn. We learned in our study of Alcoholics Anonymous that a support group is an important factor in the fighting addiction. When it comes to addiction to pornography on the Internet, it may not be possible to find such a group. A possibility is to see if Sexaholics Anonymous has a group in your area.

But if you are religious, considering the taboo surrounding the problem, you may be hesitant to ask. Nevertheless, as we learned, confessing your addiction to others, whether it be to family, friends, a professional counsellor, or rescue organization, is an important element in your chances for success. Since our 12 Step plan is based on the Torah, it is important to find a rabbi who can guide you along the way. Breaking the porn addiction and the snare of sexual transgression involves a lot more than downloading a filter that will screen out things you shouldn't see. It means adopting a life of t'shuva and Torah. If you are already religious, it means committing yourself to a greater devotion to Torah and a more intimate reverence of G-d. If in the past, you forgot about G-d every time you tuned on the computer, now you have to think about G-d all the time. So being in touch with a rabbi, or Torah scholar who is familiar with the secrets of the guarding of the sexual power, is a vital part of your journey. In addition, if you can't find a group, you should endeavour to associate with people who appreciate your strivings to get closer to G-d and to Torah. If you put the same energy into your recovery as you put into your addiction, you will surely succeed. When a person comes to sanctify himself, even if a little, then G-d sanctifies him in a great measure from Above. So, remember, you are never alone in your quest. G-d is willing and eager to help.

If you are not Jewish which is likely, know that the Torah in certain respects is still binding upon you, not in terms of Kosher Laws or Sabbath Laws but other laws... Research http://www.chabad.org/therebbe/article_cdo/aid/62221/jewish/Universal-Morality.htm for more information.

Follow-Up

A patient, steadfast commitment to these 12 Torah Steps is sure to bring healing to ones eyes and ones soul. An important thing to remember is, "Don't worry - be happy." As Rabbi Nachman of Breslov teaches, "The whole world is a narrow bridge, but the most important thing is never to be afraid at all."

But this is just to get the beginner started. Once a person has made a commitment to do t'shuva, let's hope that he stays as far away from the Internet as he can.

Hi guys, the best thing what i have experienced, how to avoid these nasty addiction.
Be away from internet , computer whenever there is an urge to watch porn. During working on computer, read as much about how to overcome porn addiction. Believe me when you read such forums, threads, experiences, etc. the urge inside your mind dies off and you dont feel to watch anymore. However it may be a time being. But repeat same whenever you have urge. At home involve playing with kids, talk with elders, play your hobby. I must say that it is the worst addiction above all addictions. As rightly said that taste on your tongue will die within minutes, any harsh words heard will fade within weeks, but the porn images will stay in your memory for years. Hence best way is to delete all that shit contents from your disk, throw away those DVD collections. Any thing within access will lure you back in.
Its not that once you refrain yourself over a period you will be totally become abstain. But as said repeat the same tricks whenever you feel overpowered by that vice. Keep a faith in yourself, as no one will be with you all the time to guide you. Believe me it is complex yet simple if you decide that it will no longer make you a slave.
Other best thing for married person is to just appreciate your spouse about their work, idea, looks, dress etc. The smile on her face will give you immense power to fight against this odds. If you kid , just look into their eyes, listen what they want to say, talk with them at length, play with them, be a part of their program. It will give you an objective to redefine your world with love and care.
Exercise daily, and feel good after your workouts. Be extrovert by interacting with people as much as you can and create a circle of friends where ever you go.
The basic idea is never keep yourself aloof or lonely from the world. Be in the real not virtual world ( internet).
Write articles how to keep such vices at bay. When you start all possible means, your mind will start rejected the urges to go back to pornography as used to be earlier.
Believe me its a saying "Practice before you preach", but it is somewhat true the opposite also that when you preach you are forced to practice by your subconscious mind.
The only reason I am writing here is I am training myself how to avoid these menace and I feel proud that I am successful so far. Just stick to the plan and the trick really works.
When you try to motivates others, it also gives a sense of achievement and this in turn motivates you again.
Its a try and never give up attitude that finally counts. So dont give up.
Thanks guys for reading.

Don't feel like you have to answer to some fictional being put together from stories written down over the course of over 200 years, the religious idea of god doesn't exist for we humans is the real god. The god you are taught about in the
holy books is in fact really the devil, a wolf dressed as a sheep, If we all are created equal, why does the books or priests teach you to judge and hate others that are different? Why do they tell you to force other people to believe the same things you believe in, and tell them that if they don't they will burn in whatever is your religions view of what hell may be or look like?
Throw away your religion, look at it from a different perspective, after having thrown your religion away can still believe in it again? All religion is flawed beacause man is flawed, some fictional god didn't create religion, man made up
the concept of religion. A system of laws, codes, stories and view on what is right and wrong, that says that all people must behave or act this way or else they will be punished for all eternity is not an religion of good. It is an religion that preaches evil, that don't allow you to think for youself.

since i was in middleschool to highschool, which was just around the corner a year ago...

Iv'e struggled[maintained my foolishness shit?], jumpin shit... hollerin at the chicks.. just doing whatever came to mind, to get away from it all, because i wanted to do something better with my life.

I guess i was doing something ok with my life i guess, i had "friends", people to chill with, hit the gnarly, play around with the other, ... and be envied?.. nah... just blow life away i guess... and be "doomed?" to a normal life path. eh i don't know.

this is what i want since i could build up the crude map for myself.. I want to be great medical researcher, and and extremely efficient computer systems architect [ leave details out].

but i can't get away from all this good poison, all the endorphin ridden drama, action, pleasing association of just being in the now and being the talked about. My genre was the prepster-hoodrat mix.
to be classy with our living-class roots as the star of our show i guess.

... anyways what im saying is that because of porn iv'e been able ditch the shit with a quick in and out and get over to the important work mostly study.. no it hasn't made me see women objectively though at any period in time you can objectify everything at once for needed reasons...

I left{got kicked} church cus i got in trouble with making out with the girls there, except for not passing taste xD, but mostly for getting called out for some fake rape shit that everyone new wasn't true cus she was a real bitch and her boyfriend who didn't like me. I dunno if the common description of God by mainstream christians[lots that think they arn't really are and fakk them] can save my ass.

So since porn Iv'e been able to grab a control of myself and had less time adressing my libido in match with the others who have the same insane amount.

Well i dunno about the not having anough libido for your chosen mate, but right now i have way way way way way to much of it, and a flick every 5 hour kills the power... or so it seems, until a friend comes over to help me with programming. I wish i had asked her out instead of the current, and it's so hard to hold but i manage to hold. Thank the forces for such a beautiful person with the same interests and a kind heart, and that stupid moral which dictates my promiscuity.

So bless you reliogous people in keeping the willer down, cus motherfakk i can't do it... unless i get casterated.. iv'e thought about in the cost of making my work more proficient.. sigh fakk it! here comes college >:[ and all you hot fakkin promiscous beaches :D, yay no stds... yet