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Bipolar Disorder and the Creative Genius
Biology 202
1998 Third Web Reports
On Serendip
Bipolar Disorder and the Creative Genius
HimaBindu K Krishna
Bipolar disorder, also known as manic depression, is a psychopathology that affects approximately 1% of the population. (1) Unlike unipolar disorder, also known as major affective disorder or depression, bipolar disorder is characterized by vacillating between periods of elation (either mania or hypomania) and depression. (1, 2) Bipolar disorder is also not an illness that remedies itself over time; people affected with manic depression are manic-depressives for their entire lives. (2, 3) For this reason, researchers have been struggling to, first, more quickly diagnose the onset of bipolar disorder in a patient and, second, to more effectively treat it. (4) As more and more studies have been performed on this disease, the peculiar occurrence between extreme creativity and manic depression have been uncovered, leaving scientists to deal with yet another puzzling aspect of the psychopathology. (5)
Patients with bipolar disorder swing between major depressive, mixed, hypomanic, and manic episodes. (1-9) A major depressive episode is when the patient has either a depressed mood or a loss of interest/pleasure in normal activities for a minimum of two weeks. Specifically, the patient should have (mostly): depressed mood for most of the day, nearly every day; diminished interest or pleasure in activities; weight loss or gain (a difference of 5% either way in the period of a month); insomnia or hypersomnia; psychomotor agitation or retardation; fatigue or loss of energy; diminished ability to think or concentrate; feelings of worthlessness; recurrent thoughts of death or suicidal ideation or attempt. It is important to note that, except for the last symptom, all of these symptoms must be present nearly every day. (2, 7) In addition to major depressive episodes, patients with manic depression also feel periods of hypomania. A hypomanic episode must be a period of at least four days, during which the affected person feels elevated or irritated--a marked difference from the depressed period. (2, 7) The symptoms are: inflated self-esteem or grandiosity, decreased need for sleep, more talkative than usual, flight of ideas or racing thoughts, distractibility, psychomotor agitation or an increase in goal-directed activity, excessive involvement in pleasurable activities that may have negative consequences. (2, 7) This change in mood is observable by others and medications, substance abuse, or another medical condition does not cause the symptoms. (7)
In contrast to hypomania is mania, which is a more extreme case of hypomania. A manic episode is a period of an elevated or irritable mood for at least one week. (2, 7) The symptoms must cause problems in daily functioning and cannot be caused by a medical condition or drugs. (7) Manic symptoms are: inflated self-esteem or grandiosity, decreased need for sleep, more talkative than usual, flight of ideas or racing thoughts, attention easily drawn to unimportant or irrelevant items, increase in goal-directed activity or psychomotor agitation, and excessive involvement in pleasurable activities which may have negative consequences. (2, 7) Lastly, bipolar disorder patients may also go through mixed episodes, which are periods when the patient meets the criteria for both a manic episode and a major depressive episode every day for at least one week. (2,7)
Due to the different mood phases, which the patient may experience, the DSM-IV (diagnostic manual of American Psychologists) has categorized two different types of bipolar disorder, I and II.
Bipolar I is characterized as any one of the following variations:
1. The patient having a manic episode without precedence of a depressive episode
2. Most recently in a hypomanic episode with at least one previous manic or mixed episode
3. Most recently in a manic episode with at least one previous major depressive episode, manic episode, or mixed episode
4. Most recently a mixed episode with at least one previous major depressive episode, manic episode, or mixed episode. (7)
Subsequently, Bipolar II is characterized as the presence or history of one or more major depressive episodes and at least one hypomanic episode, without a precedence of a manic or mixed episode. (7, 1) One of the problems with diagnosing bipolar disorder is that the symptoms may not be incredibly noticeable until the disease has progressed to a dangerous point. (4) The disorder is such that a manic phase may only last a few hours at a time. (4) That is, the episode can proceed as a few hours of mania every day for at least one week. The affected person may not mind the mania or may be in denial of the disease, and since it only lasts a few hours, no one else may even notice. (4) By the time people actually begin to notice the manic-depressive cycle (or just the mania) it has already reached a point where the patient is barely able to function normally. (4) In addition, many clinicians have difficulty first differentiating between bipolar I and bipolar II. Since the types of patients, lengths of episodes, and age of onset are very similar, the only diagnostic tool is the difference between mania and hypomania. Since the symptoms are basically the same, except for the understanding that mania is one step more severe than hypomania, many clinicians fluctuate between the two subsets before diagnosing the patient. (4) Studies are still being conducted to more accurately and quickly distinguish bipolar I patients from bipolar II patients.
Researchers are still questioning the cause of manic depression. The most popular theory is that the disorder is caused by an imbalance of norepinephrine and serotonin. (1) During manic periods there are unusually high levels of norepinephrine and serotonin while, during depressed periods, there are unusually low levels. (1) The biological explanation is also supported by strong genetic inheritance. Many twin studies have been performed which have shown a predominance of bipolar disorder among monozygotic (identical) and dizygotic (fraternal) twins, with a greater chance of inheritance in monozygotic twins. Other studies have shown that bipolar patients often have a family history of both bipolar and unipolar disorder. (2) In addition to these studies, the fact that the most common method of treatment for bipolar disorder is medication testifies to the validity of the biological theory of causation.
Treatment for manic depression consists of mood stabilizers, medications that balance the manic and depressive states experienced by patients with bipolar disorder. (6) The most common treatment, or the first medication attempted, is Lithium. Lithium increases the serotonin and norepinephrine reuptake, this causes its counterbalancing effects of mania and depression. (6, 8) Research shows that Lithium alters NA transport and may interfere with ion exchange and nerve conduction. (8) Another effect of Lithium is its ability to inhibit second-messenger systems. These systems regulate cell cycling and circadian rhythms. Cell cycling and circadian rhythms, in turn, dictate the frequency and duration of the manic-depressive moods. (6, 9) However, many patients do not respond to Lithium. Some say that this is due to the drug, while others maintain that it is due to lack of consistency in taking the drug. (6) It has been shown that Lithium in not effective for all types of bipolar disorder, so other medications have been produced to help Lithium resistant individuals. (6, 8)
Anticonvulsants are the second attempted medications to alleviate the symptoms of bipolar disorder. Valproate (VPA) and Carbamazepine (CBZ) are the two most commonly prescribed. VPA has the same efficacy as Lithium for decreasing mania as well as acting faster, which is important to some patients. (6) However, the exact mechanism of action is still unclear. Research indicates that VPA may be involved with gamma-aminobutyric acid (GABA). VPA may either enhance GABA receptor activity and/or inhibit its metabolism. (6) CBZ has similar effects as VPA. That is, CBZ is also an anticonvulsant that alleviates the symptoms of mania, and possibly depression. Unlike VPA, more is known on the mechanism of CBZ. CBZ has been associated with neurotransmitter and ion-channel systems. (6) It binds to voltage-sensitive sodium channels, decreasing the sodium influx. It promotes potassium conductance and may block dopamine receptor-mediated currents. (6) Medication seems to be the best treatment to date for bipolar disorder. Psychotherapy is also helpful, particularly cognitive-behavioral therapy, which focuses on readjusting patient's perceptions of life. (2, 3) However, patients still experience symptoms to one degree or another.
Though this psychopathology is not for one to wish, one interesting association with bipolar disorder is the creativity of those afflicted. (2, 3, 5, 7) This is not the normal creativity experienced by the above-average people (on the scale of creativity). This creativity is the creative genius, which is so rare, yet an inordinate percentage of the well-known creative people were/are afflicted with manic depression. (2, 3) Among the lengthy list are: (writers) F. Scott Fitzgerald, Ernest Hemingway, Sylvia Plath; (poets) William Blake, Sara Teasdale, Walt Whitman, Ralph Waldo Emerson; (composers) Rachmaninoff, Tchaikovsky. (10) Psychiatrists, realizing a connection greater than coincidence, have performed studies all over the world in an attempt to establish a link between bipolar disorder and creativity. (5) In the 1970s, Nancy C. Andreasen of the University of Iowa examined 30 creative writers and found 80% had experienced at least one episode of major depression, hypomania, or mania. (5) A few years later Kay Redfield Jamison studied 47 British writers, painters, and sculptors from the Royal Academy. She found that 38% had been treated for bipolar disorder. In particular, half of the poets (the largest group with manic depression) had needed medication or hospitalization. (5) Researchers at Harvard University set up a study to assess the degree of original thinking to perform creative tasks. They were going to rate creativity in a sample of manic-depressive patients. Their results showed that manic-depressives have a greater percentage of creativity than the controls. (5) There have been biographical studies of earlier generations of artists and writers which show that they have 18 times the rate of suicide (as compared to the general population), 8-10 times the rate of unipolar depression, and 10-20 times the rate of bipolar depression. (5) The additive results of these studies provide ample evidence that there is a link between bipolar disorder and creative genius. The question now is not whether or not there exists a connection between the two, but why it exists.
One common feature in mania or hypomania is the increase in unusually creative thinking and productivity. (2, 3, 5, 7) The manic factor contributes to an increased frequency and fluency of thoughts due to the cognitive difference between normalcy and mania. (2, 5) Manic people often speak and think in rhyme or alliteration more than non-manic people. (2, 5) In addition, the lifestyles of manic-depressives in their manic phase is comparable to those of creative people. Both groups function on very little sleep, restless attitudes, and they both exhibit depth and emotion beyond the norm. (2, 5) Biologically speaking, the manic state is physically alert. That is, it can respond quickly and intellectually with a range of changes (i.e. emotional, perceptual, behavioral). (5) The manic perception of life is one without bounds. This allows for creativity because the person feels capable of anything. It is as if the walls, which inhibit the general population, do not exist in manic people, allowing them to become creative geniuses. They understand a part of art, music, and literature which normal people do not attempt. The manic state is in sharp contrast to the depressive phase of bipolar patients. In their depressed phase, patients only see gloom and boundaries. They feel helpless, and out of this helplessness comes the creativity. (5) The only way bipolar patients can survive their depressed phases, oftentimes, is to unleash their despondency through some creative work. (5, 3)
Since the states of mania and depression are so different, the adjustment between the two ends up being chaotic. Looking at some works of literature or music, it can be noticed which phase the creator was in at the time of composition. In works by Sylvia Plath, for example, the readers may take notice of the sharp contrast among chapters. Some chapters she is full of hope and life, while other chapters read loneliness and desolation. Another example can be found in Tchaikovsky's music; there is a great variation among his compositions concerning their tone, tempo, rhythm, etc. In fact, some say that most actual compositions result from this in-between period because this is the only time when the patient can physically deliver something worthwhile. (3) Because the phases are so chaotic, the ideas float during the manic and depressive states, but the final, developed products are formed during the patients' "normal" phases.
However, the problem with bipolar disorder in present time is that drug treatment often vanquishes the creativity in the patient. (5) In earlier days when drug therapy was not implemented, the creativity would be free. Yet, through the attempt for affected people to cope with day to day living, their creativity must be sacrificed. It is remarkable how these "afflicted" persons exude extraordinary creativity. Therapists and researchers are on the constant search to provide treatment for the debilitating symptoms. In the case of bipolar disorder, the world benefits from the mood swings endured by a large percentage of these patients. Though their ability to function properly is of utmost concern, since the cycling between manic and depressive phases is so traumatic and energy depleting, the unusual existence of creativity of such caliber in these people is something to conserve. As more effective drug treatment is being sought after, hopefully there will be medication that will permit the creative genius of the patients and allow them to function in society as well.
Bibliography
1. http://www.healthguide.com/Bipolar/BASICS.htm
2. Rescorla, Leslie. Psychology 209, Abnormal Psychology. Bryn Mawr College, Apr 1998.
3. http://www.Scruznet.com/`Crawford/Madness/
4. http://www.medscape.com/Medscape/M5/mh3183.bowden/mh3183.bowden.html
5. http://www.schizophrenia.com/ami/Cnsmer/creative.html
6. http://www.medscape.com/Medscape/M7/mh3206.bowden/mh3206.bowden.html
7. http://www.cmhc.com/disorders/sx20.htm
8. http://www.usask.ca/psychiatry/bipolar2.html
9. http://www.mhsource.com/edu/psytimes/p960533.html
10. http://www.pendulum.org/misc/famous.htm
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12/21/2005, from a Reader on the Web Just glanced at your bipolar/creativity article. I'm afraid that mis-conceptions like symptom remision interfering with creativity is cited as reasons for people with bipolar disorder to discontinue any form of treatment. Although I don't have the references with me, a survey of the literature now (look for Richard's work with the Lifetime Creativity Scales) would suggest that it isn't people with full-blown mental illness that are creative (as behaviours such as apathy and psycho-motor retardation or grandiosity and poor impulse control would impede production of creative works), it is actually those with sub-syndromal mental illness (a partial expression of a genetic pheontype perhaps identifiable in family members or muted psychiatric symptoms) that are more creative. That research lab has also found that creativity actually goes down in people with full blown mental illness. I think this speaks to the importance of managing one's symptoms so that one can use the gifts that this style of thinking can afford. While this discussion needs greater space than comments can afford, I would caution people from making medical decisions based off of the few emminent people that do come to our attention with mental illness, rather than research conducted on everyday people. I would also make the caution that if a person with bipolar disorder does feel they are finally comming around and they suddenly have a tonne of creative ideas, please pace yourself and take steps to limit what could be another manic episode. Other creativity research will tell you that creative endeavour for MOST people is much like a marathon....if you sprint for the first half the race, you'll hit the wall in the second half. However, if you pace yourself (perhaps by keeping a book of creative ideas that can be explored later), you are much more likely to have a better overall performance and finish the race. David Armstrong
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The trouble was, whatever I was writing, I believed afterwards anyways, was a sort of prophesy - such that when you are writing, you don\'t know what the prophecy is at the time - you are not sure what the thoughts mean or where they came from. So it is just a very intense experience. I was able to hike with more strength as well I remember, it isn't just your brain that is operating at a very high "RPM."
So I agree with HimaBindu that an organized creative bipolar type would harness the creativity while they were fully manic, and save it, then fine tune it later after getting through the months of nasty depression which is the price of full blown mania (what goes up must come down.)
I also agree somewhat to Armstrong's comment, that ideas might be more useable, down to earth, less prophetic in nature, and less grandiose (if you listen to a lot of the classical music from famous composers - you could almost define the great ones as grandiose.) An exception might be art, music, and certain writings. So that really depends on what is being created. Creating a concept for an advertisement would probably be better done while hypomanic than manic, as this is a not so grandiose creation. While classical music might require a grandiose mood to come up with a great composition in the first place.
It is interesting to note, that I can turn on the creativity anytime I want, just by shorting myself with sleep. I don't know why this is the case. All people I think get a little "silly" and creative when they lack sleep don't they? This is more pronounced when you have bipolar. It seems as if the logical part of your mind gets exhausted and is not used much, while the creative side becomes dominant and does not get exhausted, rather it seems to get energized.
One possibility would be to look at bipolar and mania, rather than as a genetic flaw, it may be it is the opposite end of the envelope - that bipolars are pushing the envelope of creativity as an evolutionary stretch - that perhaps the human species mind is evolving to become more creative. That one day you could be fully manic your entire life, without crashing into depression, and live a richer life as a result. The "Kingdom of God" that Jesus spoke of (who some people think was bipolar by the way) could actually be a mental heaven that our species is progressing towards. Towards enlightenment I guess you could say. I realize I am getting a bit grandiose with this evolutionary possibility, but anything is possible, so I wouldn't write it entirely off as out of touch with reality. Some authors seem to also think there is a link between mania and spirituality, and I think that is along the same lines of what I just mentioned ... Jim, 16 June 2006
From my knowledge of manic-depression, and as a type I manic-depressive myself, I agree with Armstrong ... Douglas Lucas, 19 July 2006
I finally found a clue that might help me and others about the Bipolar Disorder Creative Genius. I have severe chronic back pain and have to take strong pain killers and muscle relaxants. I have been detoxed twice in a hospital ward for drug addiction. I made the decision to enter on my own. I hate taking the meds and the way they make me feel but each time I have had to go back and get the meds for pain. That's my history but the first time I detoxed and the place that I was in there was some really weird things going on and others thought so too. Anyway they were jacking with my thyroid. The Doctor said my test showed borderline and then he said "I'm going to give you some thyroid medicine;sometimes you can jumpstart a thyroid.Each time the Nurse would bring my meds I would look at them and ask her what they were even though I had it all memorized. I knew them by their shape and color. So rather wait till after a group therapy session to give me some meds she just comes over where I am sitting and tells me here is another med for you. It was like nothing I had ever seen before but she tells me it was thyroid medicine. I was so wired I felt like I was going for the moon. Iwas a total nervous wreck but I had to fight the horrible nervousness constantly. And for some reason (how about in the name of science!)they started giving us intelligence tests. The therapist giving the test said it was a test that they gave Marines and that seldom does anyone score 1 and extremely rare for anyone to score 2. Another part of the test was to score your answers by how close they came to being right or something like that. Anyway I was already sailing in outer space a bit,soI sailed right through this test never thinking twice about my choices because we were being timed also. All I know is I am no genius and my scores were off the charts you might say. I had the two answers that were rarely answered correctly and I scored 37 points. In comparison to everyone else in the room and their being on the low end, No one even got 1 on the first part of the tests and the scores on the other part were like 12 to 17. What was going on in my brain I haven't a clue. Everyone that was in this ward of only 16 people felt like we were being used like lab rats. It is a very long and complicated story that I won't get into any further ... Linda Rivers, 22 May 2007
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Comments
Heaven and Hell
Veera,
I respect and even admire your tenacity; especially your closing comments;" I was just born a motor head. And it's about damn time we start to be proud of it"! I have never communicated publically before, so please bare with my digressive writing style. I am a forty year young ( I hear that 40 is the new 20 ) woman that has BPII; that has lived through the awe inspiring heights of mania and the indescribably horrid depths of depression. I knew from my earliest memories that I am a peculiar person.
I have, made life altering decisions while in mania; all but getting pregnant with my second son were terrible choices that I lived to regret immensely. With that being said I am of the opinion that a person does not really appreciate life as a whole until they have lived through the frightening grip of a BP depressive episode; which for me have lasted for a minimum of three months; longest visit in hell was six months. I was not diagnosed until I was 28 years old. I know that I probably sound morose, however I am a compassionate person who loves live; and know that I am extremely blessed. I did make the decision not take medication for as long as two years previously. I once again "became sick" ; which meant that I could not function as a mother, employee, spouse, friend, really felt worthless, hopeless, guilty, confused, not able to eat or sleep properly. I lost a great career, consequently could not pay my financial obligations correctly; so on and so forth. I am relatively intelligent; but while living in a vortex of hell; I became a shell of the person that I once knew. Not being able to have comprehensive thoughts was a foreign concept to me; the loss of my independent, positive, personality terrified me to my very core!! I have never attempted suicide because I could not commit the selfish act that would undoubtedly effect my two sons. But I wished that God would take my life and end my misery more times than I can count.
Unfortunately I do not have the luxury of allowing myself to become either manic or depressed because I have a responsibility to my son, husband (3rd, married in mania) family and friends to be mentally healthy. Without these people and the grace of God I would not be alive today.
I am grateful for the most part for having my illness. In my opinion people that are BP experience the spectrum of human emotions to such a degree that we often times do make this world a better place to inhabit. I think God has a special place in his heart( for lack of a better word) for all crazy individuals. I mean no disrespect by the use of "crazy" I just think that we should be able to laugh at ourselves. I currently take 400mg of Seroquel, 150mg Zoloft twice per day. I have tried many pharmaceutical cocktails, and I am thankful that this combination has worked for me for the last three years; equating to no depressive or manic( miss those times) episodes.
My heart goes out to my kindred spirits everywhere:o). I believe that it is vitally important for people that live with Bipolar Illness; which can sometimes be debilitating; to understand that the symptoms of brain chemistry and genetic composition gone awry, is truly a medical problem; not personality deficiencies. Additionally we should proactively education ourselves on the diversity of factors within our control to manage our condition.
Be grateful for who you are, be kindly affectionate to one another, enjoy life to its fullest, educate yourselves so that you can contribute to yourselves and others. If you are struggling with being BP or thinking you might be I consider the following website www.nimh.nih.gov; to be a credible source to aid in understanding bipolar illness. I do not talk about being BP to anyone that I am not intimately close to, simply because no good would come from divulging this information.I am NOT ASHAMED of who I am, nor should anyone else be.
Thank you for creating an intellect forum for us mixed nuts.
“I had no shoes and complained, until I met a man who had no feet.”
"Life is not a continuum of pleasant choices, but of inevitable problems that call for strength, determination, and hard work”
~ Indian Proverb Quotes ~
Best regards,
The Basket Maker
Romanticizing mental illness
I have to disagree largely with what is written in this piece and I will say why - I don't argue with these facts of the link between bi-polar disorder and the creative tendency. I do have a problem with authors such as these who "romanticize" mental illness. Yes, I agree it's fascinating that those with bi-polar often have a strong creative ability and yes, lots of famous artistic people were clearly bi-polar. BUT what this author and so many others forget is that bi-polar disorder is an ILLNESS. Sure, people have manic episodes can create marvelous works of art, but if you ask them if they "enjoy" the experience of what they have created, during a manic period, I guarantee you the answer is no! My point is that what we are dealing with is sickness, a sickness that hospitalizes people and ruins lives. Isn't that the important part - to understand the illness for what it is, not to glorify it with our romantic notions of how artistic the experience of mania might be? What is the point of studying the creativity connection? To marvel at what a person can create in a fit of madness? To what end? Was it healthy for Van Gogh to create works of art, if he felt compelled to cut off his ear in order to do so????????????
the point of studying the
the point of studying the creative connection is not to glorify or romanticize this illness, but rather to understand the unique ability to channel the creative self that is not usually accessible to those not inflicted with the BP illness. What is wrong with understanding how an illness can bring new insight of beneficial abilities? Sometimes our weaknesses become our strengths, is that so bad? What is the point in self pity (as this disorder inflicts enough of that itself) of having this illness when their is capability to find hope through talents that others are not blessed with? The creative connection is not only a gift but a therapy of recovery for this illness. It is as if the illness itself understands the torture it is and brings and the fragile human psyche will do what it can to repair it (by using creativity). Doesn't the human body do that naturally all the time, uhm a cut turns to a scab. Maybe the creative connection is a natural repair mechanism.
Romanticizing Mental Illness ---BP
I feel this way David when I hit the bottom. I do not want anyone to console me by telling me that my BP is a blessing that I should be thankful for. I would rather much live a stable normal average life with consistent productivity and continuous achievement than live short periods of grandiose creativity which many others fail to appreciate or rather view as madness. Yes I write poetry and think of marvelous ideas when I am in the mania phase, but I would rather be a normal being that can finish a simple serious task on time without diversion into hundred different projects that never get completed, not to mention the deadly pain of deep depression that follows trivial periods of euphoria. Having said that, I must comment on your characterization of BP as an illness as such is not a very straight description of the condition. While I would rather not be BP, I object to describing it as a clinical illness where some doubt exists as to why it is politically more convenient for the mainstream culture to stick anyone with the condition as ill. I am afraid that the term is more political than clinical. In our culture, people with odd ideas and rebellious personality have historically been accused of being devious and ill as a preliminary step to controlling them. The political need to normalize and confine the controversial views and currents in society can easily get mixed up with the pretense of pathology. Add to that need is the interest of the corporate culture to turn the "mentally ill" into life-long drug consumers. While I feel sorry for the pain that I and the BP society experience while in the down phase, I do appreciate the sensitivity and creativity which attenuates the manic phase and which contributes to life and culture more than it benefits the BP. The question which persists: is society ready for a fair trade off with the BP? Could society accommodate the "madness" for the goodness within? I am not sure if the answer is a pleasant one. This leads me to conclude that our culture is rejecting the bargain as it insists on labeling the BP as ill.
BiPolar 1
Good Letter!
Age 45 female Manic Depressive since age 17
sounds like you wish you had
sounds like you wish you had bipolar. No need to be jealous David.... People with bd will feel things, express opinions, create masterpieces that others will marvel. The point isnt about criticizing people with BD, but understanding it. The link between bd and creative works of art hasnt been romanticized, but have been found interesting and have been perplexing 'normal people' for many years. Dont try to hate something you dont yet understand; you will be the unhappy one. And whats the point of that?
Just my thoughts
I feel that at the times I am creative, I am either in a complete mania, or a really horrible depression. I always try to watch both my sleep patterns, and also my creativity peaks when I'm very close to a crisis point. I would gladly give up my bipolar disorder to feel even tempered and fit in with society.
Compelled....?
Hello my Friend, I am BPI Rapid. All my life is have had Manic-Depression, Notice I did not say SUFFERED FROM. Going to depression is a challenge, although, I love that I can do more in (1)day than most in (3)days. Vincent Van Gogh cut off his Ear and sent it to the woman he loved...cause she could not hear what he was saying....ie. Lending someone an Ear?...I feel sorry that you think My wife gets no satisfaction from a Husband who can Think, Feel, Empathize, and Love more than most others, as can most BP's. I have a Lifetime Illness, not a Condition... To say "Sure, people have manic episodes can create marvelous works of art, but if you ask them if they "enjoy" the experience of what they have created, during a manic period, I guarantee you the answer is no! My point is that what we are dealing with is sickness, a sickness that hospitalizes people and ruins lives." Dont make guaranties. many of us Manic-Depressives would not give it up for the world. Why would we want to be small minded....I will take my lifetime of Highs and Lows, anyday of the week over of plain white bread!....and Yes I take my 8000$ a Year of Medication. And is not just art. I Landscape, Build Engines, Machine, and Farm, Create, Invent. I need no Plumber, Electrician, or Mechanic...because....My mind is broken? Think Again. Sorry to be so blunt about your BP opinion. I am really quite nice...and have 2 ears, even though many can not hear me. j.
I JUST DON'T KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!
Okay im about to be 15 right and i still think im pretty young. im not sure if i have bipolar disorder,because i've been reading all the comments and the syptoms and i think i have it, i sure do think so. the reason for this being is because i often think about suicide,im easily offended but not when im 'normal' ,my moods change pretty often and the thing is its not that i'm not in a relationship or ever was, its like i dont know why im feeling depressed, etc.i told my mom about it and she told me it may be something else. i would really appreciate if someone could help me and tell me more about it because all the websites just say the same thing over and over and over and over again, i need help and fast please. *this may not sound all that saddening for you but im crying all now HELP WANTED AND NEEDED NOW!!!!!!!
Bipolar as Right Brain Exploration
Dear Anonymous.
You're not alone, first thing. You're having what's an almost universal experience, only perhaps somewhat more intensely if you possess the classic personality traits of a person labelled 'bipolar'. I was diagnosed 27 years ago and am just now learning how to tame and utilise this wild Right Brain dragon as the unlimited positive resource for creative potential that it truly is. So popularly depicted as some sort of debilitating madness (and therefore a massive cash cow for the pharmaceutical industry) this bipolar condition, in my personal opinion, might better be termed 'Unguided Exploration of the Realms of Creative Consciousness', i.e. entering the Right Brain source of our natural creativity and spontaneity. The natural cure is accepting guidance from the Great Masters who have learned how to tame the 'beast' of the uncontrolled mind.
This is the Forbidden Zone in Western Industrial Culture, not least because all who go there immediately recognize the unbalanced insanity of defining 'normality' as the Left Brain world of coldly ordered logic and rationality, i.e. what can be directly perceived and controlled.
Neither life, love nor God lend themselves to cold rational analysis or any form of mundane limitation or control. Subjective personal experience is the only way to know and understand any of these, beyond which nothing of any true value really matters or even exists.
I hope that was helpful. It did me a power of good expressing it, anyway. Love and best wishes to you on your exciting personal journey. You’ll be fine... =:-)
Re: I JUST DON'T KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!
I first had symptoms when I was 15. Your mom may not think it could be Bipolar because alot of people have misconceptions about what it actually is. In any case, if it continues and is seriously affecting you then you should definately see someone (psychologist, school guidance counselor [very helpful for me once I realized they were there]) who can help you figure out what's going on. It affects everyone differently so it's tough to diagnose yourself. There are plenty of online support groups (like DailyStrength.org) which are really nice, but make sure you see a professional too. Good luck.
possible bipolar
I think you know if something is wrong with yourself. And you have said it. I think you should act now and go to a Doctor and tell him/her what you think and what is going on with you. My daughter experienced similar things when she was 15 years old and was diagnosed with depression. Then when she was 22 years of age had her first manic episode and then was diagnosed with bipolar 2. According to what I have read her progression into this disease was very typical.
I believe that if you know something feels wrong it most likely is, and therefore you must seek medical help now- and start treatment earlier than later. Good luck.
Margaret
What if Bipolar is a Super Power?
Hear me out. I'm not a 7 year old.
I'm BPII and work as a professional graphic and interactive designer. I'm a freelancer as my BP gets the better of me after several months on any particular job. Thankfully I can hold my sanity together just long enough to complete the gigs I'm given. I certainly don't qualify as a creative genius, but I take pride in my work and I make a decent living doing it, so I am probably above average. Or just super lucky. Or maybe both.
---------------------------------
So, the SUPER POWER theory: I realize that the following will sound totally insane, but being that we all suffer from a mild case of crazy, I hope I will be given some leeway...
When I am manic (technically hypomanic), I become magnetic in a way that seems to be beyond charm, a bright smile and minty breath. People are physically drawn to me and strike up conversations with me. I live in NYC and this is not common New Yorker behavior. I also seem to "broadcast" my thoughts or feelings such that complete strangers will very often approach me and start a conversation with me about the very thing I am thinking about. On numerous occasions, the comment that I seemed to shine brightly flew over my head until I read a scientific study that showed that human beings actually emit very low amounts of light.
Here's a link: http://www.livescience.com/health/090722-body-glow.html
This light that humans all emit is most concentrated in the face and hands and varies according to time of day. Now, if any of you are familiar with the Bible, you might remember that Jesus, Elijah and Moses all are described as shining brightly during the transfiguration on the Mount of Olives. Their faces were "like the sun".
What if during mania, bipolars are tapping into some kind of divine connection not available to the average person? Many bipolars report a very deep spiritual connection and understanding in addition to having access to extraordinary creative powers. Any artist will tell you that creative inspiration is a mystery and that it seems to "come out of nowhere". What if it is literally God given? What if the price we pay for this extraordinary connection to the divine is complete imbalance? Perhaps the only way to reach that high to to swing higher (and sadly, much lower) than anyone else can.
Anyway, that's my theory. I think BP can be as much a death sentence (by our own hands as stats point out unfortunately) as a lottery ticket to greatness and maybe much more if we can channel it correctly without being devoured by it.
---------------------------------
So that's my bit of BP craziness I wanted to share.
On a more down to earth note, I have discovered that working out and taking certain vitamins and supplements helps the extreme lows (when I wish with all my might that someone would kick down my door and blast me in the face with a shotgun). Here's my current cocktail:
- GNC Triple Strength Fish Oil Pills (Omega-3)
- 1000mg Vitamin C
- 2g Inositol
- Trader Joe's Gummy Multivitamin (surprisingly helpful and delicious!)
- A Red Bull when I start to feel really suicidal will sometimes turn me around in about 30-45 minutes.
- A '5 Hour Energy' will push me into a mild mania which I quite enjoy sometimes, but will also make me more irritable and prone to violent outbursts which I have to take care to avoid. I think the very high amounts of B vitamins in both Red Bull & 5 Hour Energy are the helpful ingredients, but can't be sure.
Note: Do NOT drink a Red Bull while on a 5 Hour Energy. You will feel like your heart will explode.
Oh yeah, I'm a 34 yr old male. Nice to meet you all. Thank you for humoring my ridiculous post.
Best,
Mr. Sugarpants
Dude, that's an awesome explanation!
I saw your cocktail suggestion and started laughing out loud when it cam to "Gummy Multivitamin"....do you have a portfolio? I'm working with a lot of freelancers at the moment, always open to new artists.
Cheers,
James
bipolar II experiences
Hello,
First let me say that this a a great page. There is a tremendous amount of info for people who have some understanding of BP.
I'm bipolar II as well. I just wanted to mention that I have had similar experiences as "Mr. Sugarpants". When I'm in a hypo-mania I attract people without effort and things just seem to work like clockwork. While attending a Pink Floyd concert with my cousin (no, we were not high) everything just seemed to go our way. I felt as if I was being carried in the hand of God. I could do no wrong. I wouldn't say that I feel like I'm in touch with god, but I do feel as if I have an antennae that pulls in answers to just about any question I can pose. Maybe another way to look at it is this. In a normal state we all walk around with "blinders" (the type they use on horses so that they don't get spooked by traffic). While I'm in a hypo-mania it is as if the blinders are removed. EVERYTHING just becomes so clear. One just has insight that others are not privy to. I realize that this may sound crazy or weird, but is my experience with BP II.
P.S. I wonder if the light thing that Mr. Sugarpants refers to has anything to do with the circadian rhythm. When in a hypo-mania our internal clocks are all messed up. Maybe we are "glowing" because our bodies are in overdrive. I don't know. Just a guess.
I hope some of this makes sense to another person reading this dealing with BP. After using my spell check, I realized just how outlandish some of these ideas sound. All I can say is that we (people) still do not understand BP I or II and for some reason some of us are extremely gifted with creativity.
Seb
a freezer full of mice
I am a 43 year old woman with bipolar two disorder. I'm sitting here by candlelight in a small cabin on an island off the coast of British Columbia. I carry my water and cut my own firewood and raise some stunning heritage breed bantam chickens. When I'm catatonic with depression I can't keep warm or drink a glass of water without a huge effort so I get cold and dehydrate. Nothing comes easily. We're an island of homesteaders and really creative people. It is my privilege to be among them. I am an artist and writer. My efforts are odd, no doubt, but these people seem to love everything I do. I have a freezer full of dead mice (unmutilated catkills that can still look alive) and in some cases I stuff them into little cars and have them do the little things we people do on normal days. Like bringing home the Christmas tree. I consider these pictures to be photographic far sides. I also do lots of other kinds of photos but these seem to be my trademark. When I'm hypomanic I can do some really creative stuff. When I'm depressed I may as well shoot myself. I can't believe I haven't yet. My chosen method is spontanious combustion but it's hard to make that happen when I need it to. Just imagine only your feet left and a little puddle of goo. Now that's a way to go. My work is good but I'm no salesperson and I just give everything away. I'm a hermit and I'm new to computers and the internet. My life is outdoors and I hate for a computer screen to be the window I look through when my back yard is so full of life. But I've spent the last hour and a half and three hot buttered rums (it's Christmas after all) reading all of your remarks. So many of you talk of your difficulties and yet don't regret the illness. This creativity we feel and express is a gift. Where would the world be without people like us? We can certainly be interesting. That said, I know I will not survive my next depressive episode. I refuse to live through such pain again. It's a choice I've made even though now I am pretty stable. In the past I have stood in the woods for hours and hours in the dark and rain and cold. I have fallen into the mud and lay there all night unable to even to spit the dirt out of my mouth. I can't do that again. Life is not that precious to me. After my last hospitalization and a few really crappy shrinks who thought that sedating us into oblivion was the answer, a good shrink who respected my need to be creative prescribed lamotragine and prozac and for me (we're all different) it worked to stabilize me and still let me feel my creativity and pursue it in a productive way. Every day is a struggle to keep my equilibrium but before these drugs it was an impossibility. My biggest advise is: take B vitamin complex. It helps almost everyone I know, whether they are nuts or not. Take high strength. Take it twice a day if need be. Experiment. It's not the cure but it can really help. (make sure you eat first. It can make you feel a bit puky otherwise.) A barred owl is shrieking outside my window just now. It's dark with a half moon and this unearthly shriek is filling the night. I wish you could hear it. Nature is my world. And curiosity. The only reason I'm still here is because of my curiosity about what would happen in the world the day after I killed myself. I am also very, very curious about what will happen to me when I am dead but so far the curiosity about the land of the living has won out. We are all amazing creative people with troubled minds. Some of us will die by our own hands but let's give what we have now. As for me it'll be dead mice stuffed into little cars or on crackers.
Are You Still With Us?
Dear whoshotJR,
I was deeply moved and highly amused by your honest sharing and astonishing creativity.
I hope you're still here. You're a diamond. Shine on, you crazy diamond, wherever you are!
You made me think of David Bowie's classic 'Rock 'n Roll Suicide' lyrics,
(Highly recommended when you hit rock bottom)
Oh no love! you're not alone
You're watching yourself but you're too unfair
You got your head all tangled up but if I could only
make you care
Oh no love! you're not alone
No matter what or who you've been
No matter when or where you've seen
All the knives seem to lacerate your brain
I've had my share, I'll help you with the pain
You're not alone
Just turn on with me and you're not alone
Let's turn on with me and you're not alone (wonderful)
Gimme your hands cause you're wonderful (wonderful)
Gimme your hands cause you're wonderful (wonderful)
Oh gimme your hands...
Please tell me you're still here, whoshotJR
Mice on a cracker
Hi whoshotJR, how many of us remember that! I found your essay wonderful. So before your next major depressive episode, could you please write "Walden West"? I lived in Massachusetts for many years, and regularly visited Walden Pond, and, sure enough, there is a teeny tiny cabin there. Today we would call this a micro house. In any case, any name is fine, the name of the island you live on, screeching owl, whatever. The important item is to write an account of your life on the island, the community you live in, and, of course, mice on a cracker! Seriously, I want to read more more more! Including lying in the mud. I am living south of BC, in Olympia, Washington. Lamotrigine with Prozac sounds to me like a very creative mix of medications. There is a BP site called Pendulum which has some interesting BP types. We regularly discuss the kind of issues you raised about BP, including creativity. There is a guy on the site who has an verbal IQ of 190, who works as a grocery store clerk! He can really write! I turned him on to Dostoevsky, for which he was very grateful. See ya!
don't do it. The good
don't do it. The good outweighs the bad. And remember that pain is inevitable but misery is a choice. I'm sure that you have the strength to go on.
im 16 yrs old i have been
im 16 yrs old i have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder about a year ago. ive been depressed all my life till now, from 9-14 i cried myself to sleep every night, my family hates me because im considered a failure. ive been tormented and bullied from kinder to 5th. when i was 6 a 13 yr old kid tried to choke me, i got my first real friend maybe a yr ago and i also fell in love with her, now i cant see her or talk to her because her family thinks im insane,i never fealt so bad in my life i already attempted to kill myself numerous times, recently i was in the hospital because i ended up losing control of myself and banging my head against the wall and smashing a window and cutting my hand open, i dont understand why i laugh when im in pain or angry. i somehow feel good when i get angry but i know thats not right and i need to fix that, my folks tried to put me in a mental hospital but i refused, i use to use drugs to help me, marijuana actually helped me calm down and it helped me do better in school (obviously not at the moment of being high) the after affect of it helped me be happy, but i ended up getting caught in school and my depression came back in. the only times i cant get angry is if im around women, when im around just guys i get mad extremely fast, i always fealt like killing some guy i hated. can anyone plz help me. should i seek more help from my phsycoligist, or should i ignore and it would go away or should i start with pot again? i know there is many people out there with my condition and i really need help from someone who has experienced this because i dont want this to affect me no more
To Anonymous
Hi - if you ever make it back to this page (and I pray you do), here's my question: are you already on some kind of medication (other than the pot)? If you're not, it sounds like you could really benefit from at least trying some of the dozens of meds and combinations there are for bipolar. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder several months after a suicide attempt, and I spent several more months trying to deal with it "on my own," that is, telling myself that if I got enough sleep, ate right, and exercised like I was supposed to, I could manage the mood swings, the rage, the tears.
I finally decided that I just couldn't do it alone, and I had my psychologist refer me to a psychiatrist (who is qualified to prescribe medications.) I sat with her for an hour and a half and she asked me very specific questions about my moods, my behavioral patterns, etc. She suggested a comibation to try, so I did. At that point, what did I have to lose?
It wasn't a perfect fit, and it didn't happen immediately. We worked together for almost two years to get me stable (or as stable as possible). It was a long process and we're still making adjustments, even five years later.
But oh God it was so worth it. I'm not scared anymore, I'm not worried about hurting myself or other people, and even though I still have bad days, I see them as bad days and I know that I will feel better tomorrow. I'll be on medication for BP the rest of my life, and that's ok. I prefer it to the alternative, which is basically hell on earth.
Please please PLEASE look into it. My understanding is that early-onset BPD in males can be really severe and it sounds like it from your story. Please don't keep banging your head against walls. Get help - it's out there.
Hey there Andi, I'm a little
Hey there Andi, I'm a little over 2 years late so i apologize. I am glad to say that i feel stable (without the use of pot or other meds). No psychologist/psychiatrist needed. 2 weeks ago I experienced a very important lesson that seems that it broke me in to pieces. Whats odd is that i'm not mad about what happened at all. Instead i had a very calming thought come into my head. I can't describe it in words but it feels like i needed to be broken so i can take the time to put myself back together in the way best for me (a new start). My parents are still bashing on me for what I did but I really don't mind. I got incredibly intoxicated. I am currently in mexico visiting family so the age limit to drink is 18. One day i began drinking a cup full of Tequila every half hour (since i didn't have pot i thought i could help myself with alcohol) I met the perfect girl while i was here. Smart, talented, beautiful, and incredibly for everything in her life. I couldn't see this though until i did what i did. I can handle more than the majority but this particular day i was feeling really down in the dumps. So she invites me to a small disco/club to dance and hang out just the 2 of us. I'm stumbling towards the bar slurring (still barely conscious) i ask the bartender to create the most toxic drink he can make. All i remember seeing was that he mixed 5 different tequilas, 4 different vodkas, and some kind of brandy. All in one large cup. I chugged that thing down like it was milk, but the worst part is that i repeated this 5 times in under 10 minutes. So 5 full cups. The girl wasn't aware of this so she asks me to dance. I am up dancing with her and some other lady, then one second passes and i'm on the floor of the shower with the water hitting my face in my hotel room. I still feel incredibly intoxicated but conscious. I here someone knocking on the door telling me to get up because I need to leave. 12 hours passed in 1 second. I was told that i was forced out the club and thrown on the stairs. I was 10 feet from a 40 foot cliff, 30 feet from the beach, and 10 feet from the resorts pool. Apparently had to be picked up by 3 men and then set on a wheelchair then to the doc. I had no shorts on this whole time...(as i was told) The girl will never speak to me again. I thought i would be incredibly furious with myself and hurt myself uncontrollably from this action i have made, but instead i feel peace. As if my mind has been through 'inception'. I quit pot permanently, same with drinking. I'm beginning college next month to begin a career to become a college professor for physics and/or astronomy. It's safe for me to say that i feel at ease with everything now. Even though i messed up i just look at everything in a positive manner. Life is to short to let some problem interfere. With everyone else who suffers this dreadful disease, there is hope. Just got to have hope, In a god, or just yourself. Anything helps, just need to keep on trying even if the thought in your head keeps screaming you can't.
Im 17 and I think that Im
Im 17 and I think that Im bipolar II, I mean I dont have a diagnose I just came from a depressive state were life sucked, and I wnated to kill myself, and I just wanted to be alone all the time. Im from Latin America, and for us family is everything, and we allways like to be together everytime. It was difficult for me to explain them that I didnt know what was happening to me. they called me mean or that it was just teenage stuff or whwn I told them I felt alone they were like aaa you want a boyfriend they just didnt get it!. I felt bad it felt like I wasnt worth it, the love I recieved from them. the support I recieved from them I felt like it was a lie because I just wasnt good enough. I really contemplated suicide I hated life. and I hated the fact thata so many people REALLY BELIEVED IN ME Right now I ve waken up Im normal I guess like I have the same dreams and hopes I ve allways have, like I believe is possible, I can touch the sky if I wnat to, I believe its all in the mind.in the past week I have writen A LOT! and for me thats awesome because Im use to write and in my depressive state I just simply couldnt I didnt even try to because i was like you a writer? ha! common!. Im 17 so its normal to compare with others, I compared with my friends and I allways knew I wasnt like them even thou I try so hard to be as them I have a different perception of world listen to different music, read a lot, write, talk about dimensions and frecuencies and our big cosmic brothers and stuff they just dont get I was allways what they concider weird.. so it wasnt a teenage stuff like my mom said In a way im sad its not a teenage thing because right now I feel good but what about 2 months from now? the depression will knock my door and I ll have to recieve it knowing that its not visiting me just because Im on my teens, that it will visit me ALL MY LIFE. right now life is good! the world is smiling with me:):) I feel invincible! right now I think wtf was a thinking Im so lucky Im young I can achieve anything I want! why would I give up? the stars are roses sended by God for us, I believe everybody haves a mission. maybe its because I was raised in a very spiritual family i dont know, but I do believe God works in misterious ways, he gives us the blessing of looking at the world as it truly is with OUR SOULS, but then we are not lucky enough because we have our depressions and we see the world as the rest see it with the SOCIETY EYES which is BORING and for such sensitive human beings like us it just hits us, and it hurts in places were nobody knows they exist.
In my little knowings of metaphisics, buddhism,spiritualism, etc I believe we were just simply not connected right to the earth thatas why we change moods. we have the ability to be ONE WITH EVERYTHING. but then the EGO pushes us to ¨REALITY¨ and we are afraid we are not good enough, because we are different than the laws and ethic rules said in reality wich really is an optical illusion. I wish I could believe everything Im saying when Im taking a walk in my shadow, in my depressive state.
well Im sorry Im sure I had a lot orthographic and grammatical mistakes sorry Im from Ecuador. and the ideas just keep coming tomy head If only I oculd write faster.. well beautiful and enlighted human beings Im very thankfull knowing Im not alone. thank you for your existence. thank you for your strenght, you dont know how many love light without you knowing, you give to this planet by just being different. Peace love UNION.
a little bird that wanted to sing some words of hope
you know ehat song is great and talks about bipolar disorder at least I think so colorblind by say anything:)
Magda1111-- I just wanted to
Magda1111-- I just wanted to tell you, you write very beautifully and with much truth. Don't worry about your grammar errors, you are much better writing english than I would be in spanish. I understand what you are talking about in your comment. I am 18 and I have been cycling pretty bad non stop since August. When you said the stars are roses sent from God, and how being in a depression is like walking in your shadow, it made me sparkle on the inside, because I have thought about things in that way before too. I love writing and poetry, and one of my dreams is to publish a book of many bipolar peoples' beautiful poetry.. anyway, thank you for sharing your story and thoughts.
BP boon and bane
exceptionally ambivalent,but at least it's not boring.
Comon threads among you (us)all
It obviously takes a bit of time to read through all these posts. For the first few comments or so I was wanting to describe everything I've been going through as an artist with BP. (I haven't been diagnosed officially, but I have no doubt that I'm living with it.) My mood has allready shifted greatly in the time it took from reading the first comment to the last.
Instead I would like to praise every one here. The ailments and thoughts of suicide, and also the creative moments are all very familiar to me. It makes my warm and proud to see so much depth and intelligence in every comment. I wish I could meet everyone of you in person and experience your wisdom and art!
On another note I wish I could offer something positive for all the times when "BP" is cultivating thoughts of suicide. This to me is the most dangerous part of the ride. I feel fine now, but those moments are clear in my mind. I can't rationalize the value of continuing to live in those moments. Even now in a more elevated mood I can see the logic in the suicidal thoughts.(When I'm manic I have a hard time believing that I would ever consider itat all.) I think that my younger brother keeps me alive. He is such a kind and loving spirit. He's dealing with depression as well(not sure all the details). He was so upset over his cat getting sick that I doubt he could handle if I killed myself.
In the mean time If I'm going to stick around I suppose I;'ll need to figure my Sh#t out.
A little about me as an artist. 35yrs old singer/songwriter I've designed and painted some clubs, restaurants, and shops. My photographer friends say I'm a natural with a camera. Can't see to stay motivated or focused for any decent period of time, my self worth fluctuates from nothing to the grandiose. I've made people break down and cry after hearing a song, and helped turn a music venue from one that was loosing money to one of the town hotspots. Right now I have $0.19 in my bank account. Idoubt seriously that I'm fully employable although at times I've been known to work for weeks on very little sleep. Sound familiar?
Any ways I love you people. and would everybody please share some of their art? I believe that our art communicates volumes and it's important to share. nothing I have up is really finished but oh well.
I'll start
http://www.designbydallas.com
http://www.myspace.com/dallasmusicseattle
http://www.myspace.com/dallashguier
Degrees of Evolution within an Illuminated Mind
In my latest mania which I usually (actually always) find quite invigorating. I too felt the spark of Divine Light. I consistently apply the notion of measurement to all things, this helps me keep from getting too lost in a world of symbolism and perspective. I use the notion of a moral compass (intersecting figure eights 8) to guide my way, keeping careful to never be mean spirited, this compass is the cross with new mathmatical dimension. A dimension measured using the tools of mathmatical pi. So yes I channel thru a wormhole of cocentric circles.
Medical technologies show us the brain is working at full capacity. I equate this to the modern brain finding a bridge to our dormant reptilian brain. With me seeds of ideas flood my processors and I inter-twine the unique aspects of our existence into an alchemical blend of brilliance. It is a brilliance that is easier to perceive first hand than manifest into the real reality that we perceive as normal. In my latest adventure I evolved my diagnosis from bi polar to tri polar. This next step is me equating the up and down as two points on a grid and my minds eye which opens wide as the third point. I use my zodiac signs as talismans to reinforce my ego for strength. I jokingly (humm?) say I am a double dragon and a Taurus, being a hybrid of these horned creatures makes me very horny indeed, LOL. I feel I am at a time in my life (age 45) where I can accept my past and move forward with projects that will stun the world. So much can come from so few. We are at a special time in history, we are at a paradigm shift in culture and technology. There is a script that has already been written for this movie of ours and we all have a part to play in it. Find me on MySpace, I claim to pray to Tom (Pope Tom 01)- a branded identity in cyperspace. RAKII
I can totally relate. =D
I can totally relate. =D
looking for creative minds
Hi to all,
If anyone wants to get involved in a study which is collecting stories from people with creative talents who have found a way of managing their symptoms of mania and depression please go to: http://bipolarsurvey.questionpro.com
The aim of the research is to better inform mental health services which are often criticized for having little understanding of what it actually feels like to have bipolar and who over-rely upon a biomedical approach.
It's a small study, so all comments will be thoroughly read (and appreciated) by myself.
Contact me if you want to find out more or to have a chat. Or just go to the above link for more information.
Cam
Bipolar, bulimic, drug user...
I'm 16, I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 about a month ago. I'm depressed all of the time, I can't go one night without crying, my friends are starting to hate me I think. Sometimes I wish my friends were bipolar too, but when I really think about it I wouldn't wish this on anybody. I'm not on any meds yet, hopefully I will be able to soon, but I'm also bulimic so it's difficult to say whether meds will work with that in mind too. I was diagnosed with both disorders at the same time, I'm also a drug user, it's so difficult to cope at the moment. I don't know what to do. I could be pregnant...I can't deal with this, I'm going to have to do it. I can't cope, I can't tell my psychotherapist, they think i'm mental. Help me, please.
The story is the same, i just personalized the name.
This really made sense to me. I happen to be sitting in computer apps 2 and i was talking to my friend while i was reading, and saying things right before i read someone else say them. It was like i was talking, if that makes sense. For a long time, i've felt really alone. As if all these thoughts that i have are unique only to my mind. But at the same time, believeing that out there somewhere, there has to be someone like me. Who thinks too fast, and doesn't sleep enough. Someone who can be the most optimistic, amazingly happy person on the planet, and yet one wrong thing can happen and the world is crashing down. The mania feels like you have no boundaries, like if you work hard enough you can build a time machine or solve world hunger. The depression feels like you will never be happy again, like you are worth nothing, you can do nothing, all that you will ever accomplish, is nothing. and somewhere in between is normalcy, wich is the weirdest feeling i have ever encountered. to NOT be sad and to NOT be happy. to be NEUTRAL? It happens once in a while, and i feel so out of place.
This is the reason i'm choosing NOT to go on the medication. I know it would help. the suicidal thoughts would stop, the constant roller coaster that is my life would come to a halt, or a nice boat ride. But at such a high price. An end to the mania is an end to all creativity. and likewise my hopes of being a writer, any decent song i'll ever write, my entire personality.
I'd also like to point out, that among my many problems, and list of things that make me "crazy", i have been cutting since i was thirteen. So, almost 5 years. In all honesty, it started as a trend. I saw a girl do it, and decide i could look too. Scratched myself with some thumbtacks and took myself to the guidance counselor so everyone would know. That was idiotic, because in the tenth grade, it got serious. And its still progressing to the point wheere it feels impossible to stop. I think the addiction of cutting is that you do it to feel better, but it makes you feel horrible. I look at my arm and feel ridiculous for doing it to myself. I feel embarrased, and i try my best to dodge the question when people ask. you can't wear long sleeves forever; North carolina summmers are hell. My ex-boyfriend even called me disgusting the other day. he said that when we were dating he didnt want to be seen with crazy girl who cuts herself. Of all the things that have happend in my life, of all the scars on my arm. That sentence cut me the deepest.
I can't tell if today is a good day or bad, or if all my days are continuous.
I can never know for sure, i swear i've forgotten how to sleep.
I don't really know if any of this made sense, but i'd love if it helped someone.
I fall three times as hard if it's for nothing at all, you all are twice as tall as i will ever be, and i feel terribly small when my head works to hard. when you think with your heart, there's not a thing that you don't see. I'm hardly capable of half the damage i would like to do, i could swear that i don't care, but you know i'm too full of shit to think this through, so look at me, i pray to god, but curse too much to be considered true. I'm just like me, so who the hell are you.
-Starving your friends by envy on the coast.
"Awakening the Bipolar Gift"
Every one should read Dr. Eduardo Grecco --bipolar himself-- and a professional therapist, psychoanalyst and a bit more. There is much wisdom in his books, as opposed to the biochemical determinism of classical pshychiatric manuals. Ah Dr. Grecco writes in Spanish though.
http://www.edicontinente.com.ar/Despertando.htm
Hard to stay focused
I'm 29 years old. I was diagnosed when I was 13 with BP. My life has been full of ups and downs. I stopped medicating when I was 16 because I felt like a lab rat. They kept switching me from drug to drug to drug. I also tested at near genius levels when I was younger. My main problem has always been finishing things. It's not that I'm not smart enough I just find it very hard to stay motivated. I also partook in alot of recreational drug use and more or less like a personal test at first. Things always affected me differently than my friends.
It's been a long time and I've suffered greatly and made those around me suffer as well, however I still can't give up the thought that it's a mind disease and should be able to be conquered by the mind itself. I watched a "A Beautiful Mind" and thought "Wow I'm not the only one". Perhaps I should start looking more into meditation. It's just so hard to stay focused. So many distractions in life.
I hope someday to write a book on this subject. I'll have to conquer this disease first.
try this
Dear ......
I have been diagnosed with bp at the age of 27 although I always nkew that there was something wrong with me. I am now 37 years old and doing very well. I don't nkow if your doctors have this medication in your country but I am on Lithium carbonate 600 mg and resperidal to controle my anger. I also take a sleeping pill now and then.
I believe that this pill lithium carbonate works almost with everyone. I attend a clinick in my hometown and all bipolar patiants recieves lithium carbonate to controle the imbalance in the moods. Your doctor will just have to check wich dosage will suite you.
I have not lost my creativity and genius because of the medication. Infact it is more controled. I can now live a ruitined and scheduled life my juices flow when I sith down to write.
I hope that you have the above medicines in your country, it will make a big difference. Just remember that if you find this medicine yoou have to work with the doctor until the two of you have come up with the right dosage that will work for you. see your doctor regularly sothat he can see your progress.
Dont expect the medication to start working right away, you have to be monitored for your progress. Dont switch from doctor to doctor, just ask to try the lITHIUM CARBONATE AND MAYBE RESPIRIDAL IF NECCESSARY.
I hope that you will let me know how you are doing. I want you to be as happy as I am.
Sincelely
Sylandra
Remark
Hello. I have just read what you wrote. I am a linguist, poet, painter and I think my doctor was wrong with diagnosis... I also think I have manic depression. What do you do with life? By the way, meditation is a great idea. :)
Helping to keep urself sane...
Stay away from Caffiene, food coloring, and alcohol, and drugs. I dont drink or smoke, but staying away from Caffiene and food coloring when I'm feeling manic, helps alot.. good luck, its a hard disease, I know. But there are good things about it too... such as the creativity, and also what doesnt kill u makes u stronger. Good luck!
bi polar and something positive!
Finally an article writing some positive viewpoints about bi-polar condition! one applauds only as for the 12 years ive been diagnosed all i have ever read or encountered is how low-down, pessemistic and how ill and slow if ever to recover bi-polar individuals are. and like a fool i have let myself be deluded by this 'negative' rhetoric sitting behind the curtains fearing the so called 'clever high functioning' people on the 'outside'
and it was all a sham!a big shamefaced sham! if not a scam to make bi-polars belive they are the nations idiots to be pitied and stupified into catatonia!!!!!! oh now we are told we are creative geniuses? no wonder they are mad told this told that and never given the strategies or tools to manage their own moods or affective conditons, instead babyed and left to rot on societys rubbish dumps and land fills.
that article says stand up and start shouting ok not so loud they section one again but loud enough to make them the so called 'proffessionals' stop medictin us into a f******* stupor or that when it rains one mouth foams with so much clorpromazine
take control and see yourselves for the articulate intelligent gentle clever
souls you really are worthwile and deserving of proper care and support to get well and GUYS SCREAM IT FROM THE ROOFTOPS IT IS BI-POLAR A CONDITION THAT NEEDS MANAGING NOT THE BOOGY MAN AND NEEDS TO BE GIVEN THE SAME CONSIDERATION AND RESPECT FOR CANCER PATIENTS AND YES IT CAN BE LIFE THREATENING BI-POLAR CAN BE DEBILLITATING AND WITH PROPER CARE NOT SO.
I´ve been toying with the
I´ve been toying with the idea that Bipolarity describes symptoms that are very much real but that the word ¨bipolarity¨remains a definition that cannot capture the range of experiences sufferers go through. For example, notice that going up and down hinges on a purely vertical axis. Get too low and you can´t move, or you feel like you´re going to drown in darkness, but, on the other hand, get too high and you feel like you could fall to your death.
But couldn´t there be a greater emphasis on a horizontal plane, that is, a more grounded plane, thereby turning the vertigo of this purely vertical axis into the combined grid of horizontality/verticality. I know this is abstract, but it is my sense, if I can take myself and the literature as support, that those prone to bipolarity seek or are prone to intense experience, and that it is possible to harness this intensity without endangering oneself, especially after having been given the supreme wake-up call, as in my own case, of knowing that I can no longer push my limitations in certain fields of action(substance abuse, for example, or the pernicious demons of circular thinking).
I can, however, keep pushing in the creative domain, in which I feel a great deal of freedom and intensity, and enjoy the difficulty and pleasure of experiencing concomitant states but without feeling that death is knocking at my door.
The bipolar mind and creativity: connecting conversations I
I believe Ive had this all my life
Im a 44 yr old male,
After being shown this article by a friend, I hungrily read every bit of iy.
I have been an artist my whole life, and a musician as well. I learned to play guitar by ear, and became very accomplished at it. Everything creative , I have excelled at, ever setting higher, almost unrealistic goals for myself, with the belief that I can do anything.I experience a prophetic high , which comes and goes
seemingly without pattern. The spirit goeth where it listeth.This euphoria I have always found myself waiting for, like a drug. There have been many times when I was under its spell and hurriedly and feverishly wrote so that I wouldnt lose the creative thoughts.Unfortunately, these major ups are inevitably coupled with some terrible downs. States of depression and self loathing.In my youth I often thought of suicide to get relief, even attempted it once in my 20s.I believe these cycles have also influenced my voracious appetite for the spiritual, since I voraciously read everything from books on the greek mystery cults to alchemy.
Throughout my life, in times of depression, many people close to me have suggested medication.I would never take their advice, my belief being that I would then lose those periods of what I firmly believe are, truly, divine inspiration(laugh all u want, lol).There is an old saying,.."the moon has no light of its own".Our minds being the impotent moon,and the universal mind being the potent sun.I believe each creative is a conduit or vessel, according to varied capacity, receiving ambrosia from above.The ancient poets and prophets thought this,as well as some artists and poets do today.These periods of inspiration are the poets muse, ever spoken of.
Plato wrote of the archetypal realm of ideas, that hidden and divine source of all knowledge and wisdom.This very realm is the source and fountain from which creatives draw their water.I would have it no other way, and consider it a blessing to partake of that water, as so few are able to.The periods of depression may even be partly because of the great loss felt when that inspiration leaves us.
First we are almost immortal, able to take on anything,and next we are filled with a terrible emptiness. There are times when I look at artwork I have done and think, wow I cant believe I made that, and there are other times when I doubt I even am an artist, and think, "what made you ever think you were?".
I feel strongly that having been blessed/cursed with hypomania has allowed me to know things and do things that the average person cannot even grasp.
I feel a kinship with all who have written here.
Godbless
BC
Bipolar creativity
I am a male, 36 years old - been "suffering" from this since I was 17. I had a clear self-destructive behavior since I was about 9, have no idea from where it came. I hurt myself badly at the age of 19, but luckily the knife missed the veins. I don't know if I really wanted to die, don't think so. For me too life has been art. Poetry an music - but sadly my self-destructive behavior has made me destroy almost everything that I made. I think my self-destructive behavior only changed scene - from body to soul. So my whole life has been a struggle - against myself. I must live a very strict life - no coffee, tea, almost no alcohol, rules for everything. I've always been thinking that I would find my way, but now I don't know anymore. Well - yes I still will make it, I believe, but I'm so tired. It's been like living with storms inside, every day a struggle, if you're up or down or don't know where you are. To be like a fighter in the last round - constantly. My last manic episode was really "dark", not euphoric but the opposite - like being drunk with black wine. The music I made was so intensly melancholic. I feel like I've been taking small musical pictures of places very few people have been... I've got two really bad depressions and two lighter. The depressions are like all life just being sucked out of you - you think you will never come up again, like you earlier were thinking that you would never go down... To give up? No, I've no right to do that. Sometimes everything is so clear, you feel like an eternal light is burning inside. I wish to go to that light, in life, and - yes - I still believe I will make it.
I'm 14 fucking years old. Why
I'm 14 fucking years old. Why does this have to happen to me? why would anyone in this world have to diserve this. i dont know what to do. all the lights have literaly gone out. im alone in a dark room.the light of happy people dancing arround rubing it in my face. i have no wair to go im stuck inside myself with these thoughts... these feelings. i picture my self being thrown over my balcony. infront of a car. a nife in my pained heart. a rope arround my neck. and no one to care. why is anyone even there? whats the point to even care, if there is no cure, if there is no hope for me. death is my only release
14 years old
Hey 14. Bipolar sucks, but you knew that already. The first thing you must consider, and hopefully realize, is that there are LOTS of people who care, even if you don't yet know them and they don't yet know you. These are the people working suicide hotlines. These are people, like me, who read your post and think, dear God, I fucking hate that for him because I've been there and it's hell on earth. Strangers can and do care about you, even if it's not the exact type of caring you think you need. CALL these people. 1 800 SUICIDE is a start. The Samaritans organization in Britain is an option as well, and you can email these people and expect a pretty quick response. jo@samaritans.org. i've used them myself.
and while i was looking up some of these numbers, i ran across this page that sums up pretty much everything i want to say to you: http://suicide.com/suicidecrisiscenter/whylive.html
No, there's no cure for bipolar, but that doesn't mean it can't be treated, and it doesn't mean that there's no hope. There have been some close calls in my own history and after five years of treatment I can honestly say that every second of hell was worth every moment of happiness I have now. And I have that because I lived through the hell.
Just because there's no cure doesn't mean there's no hope.
14, please please please throw out a line to someone. this website isn't a forum by any means; there aren't regular posters on this thread, and there's no one here who can keep track of you - call the hotlines. email the samaritans. they can, and will, help, to the very best of their ability.
and sometimes it means a whole hell of a lot just to know that someone gives a shit whether you live or die.
i give a shit. please call.
~andi
spiritual connecton
I was diagnosed 15 years ago as bipolar.I am now 43.Can remember being different when i was as young as 14.My daily meds include lithium and small amount of zyprexa.They seem to work fairly well for me.I enjoy playing guitar and get together with a group of musicians every week.I have resisted telling most people of my ilness,they probably wouldnt understand anyway.My spiritual connections have been many over the years.I think thats one of the positives you get out of this disease.I am sure some people would disagree with me.Thats okay.I think that the brain is changed in some way and allows you to have a different experience of god.I also practise positive intentions everyday,a lot of them come true.Also recommend meditation.And last of all,All the best to those struggling with this disease,hang in there!Todd
Interesting article. Whether
Interesting article. Whether or not someone has a disease of the mind is never something clear cut. If that person is suffering and wishing they could change, than that's the best way to go, it seems. Learning to manage your own mind is not a skill taught in any school, although it is done indirectly. I have sheets of paper covered in equations, doodles and stories, almost incomprehensible even for me! I probably churn out more ideas than entire creative writing classes, but making an idea good is a different than just having it. Following up on those idea-seeds requires calmness and effort. Ironically, mastering your emotions requires peaceful emotions to begin with.
The best way to begin that mastery is to take care of your body: soothing bathes, regular workouts, and a balanced diet. The hardest part is keeping a decent sleeping schedule but if the first steps are taken then it easier to do. Ideally, this should keep a good baseline of wellbeing, and keep extreme lows away.
The most difficult aspect for me is that I will react to the same situation with a huge range of behaviors: from dancing on the tables to a depressed withdrawal and anything in between. Unpredictability is frowned upon nowadays, and social stress quickly follows unusual behavior. The disease isn't so much in myself as in my interactions with our clockwork society. Thus, I have a very rigid routine that allows me to get through some situations. But many people perceive this dull façade as my true persona, others believe I'm being facetious. To me, it's simply a cover on the boiling pot of my mind to get through the day without incident.
As a matter of fact, the entire point is that we run around the "Box of the mundane", hooting and hollering, and trip over it every now and then. Sometimes the owner of that box is nonplussed to have it knocked about!
Bipolar is a succinct label, but it's a very large box we're trying to stick it on.
Commenting: "Interesting article. Whether"
Very well articulated and presented. May I add very accurate as well. I hope you always find yourself in the light of the Divine Spark as it burns at a temperature that is measured in degrees of illuminated wisdom that is unique to only a select few. Treasure your adventure for only a few get to walk such a glorious path......
comments
first, i appreciate your writing this article. i had planned to do some research on the links discussed herein and find it refreshing that the connection between bipolar and creativity is not a novel observance on my part.
second, i would like to say that there is a converse side of this bipolar/creative link. because there is so much cycling, at times it is difficult for the manic depressive to be taken seriously. it is easy for those around him/her to chalk everything they say up to a biproduct of the disorder without any merit. it is a difficult place to be in to have to justify everything you say or to feel as though you a working at a deficit in every conversation because of the of your unreliable disorder.
that said, i wouldn't change things for the world.
Drawing and Bipolar
I was diagnosed Bipolar when i was 21 and I am now 32. I have been taking Depakote and other drugs for 12 years now.I became addicted to marijuana at the age of 17 and progressively got worse until i quit 3 yrs ago. I have been drawing since I was a little kid but never really new why, other people around me didnt have the same passion.I now know it is because it helps me feel better like a release or meditation. I collect my drawings out of personal interest like a time-line journal. I found the marijuana kicked me out of the depression temporarily and made me creative and full of energy.But in long run made me paranoid,psychotic,anxious and depressed. Im glad to be free from that enslavement even though there are some things i miss about it- the side effects just arent worth it. Its like a cruel joke because when im depressed I cant draw anything satisfying I just get frustrated. Then out of the blue after months of darkness and excessive sleeping, I rise feeling like a new person with this overwhelming compulsion to draw. And then when the pencil or pen hits the paper it feels like I am floating outside my body in nirvana. My hand feels like it is being moved by another strange force sometimes I think it is god-even though i know that to be illogical. this will last anywhere from 2-5 hrs then it just stops and I return to my pain. I get irritable because I want to go back to that great place but I cant. Im interested in your artwork if you would like to share or have a website let me know.
just some comments
I am a 24 years old and have been suffering from bipolar disorder back and forth for 7 years. As much as I praise creativity, and my belief that it is somewhat linked with bipolar disorder for some people, I think BD is still a sadistic but compassionate disease. Although bipolar disorder, like many other mental illness, creates a lot stigma around people, but look at the bright side, many people are actually friendly and suffering in silence. Otherwise we wouldn't have a stable society with 1% of the population having the illness. I think we should all cherish ourselves for we can still hang on to our lives even with the illness. When my condition got worsen I have truely discovered how tough it is for people with the illness to get through life, and how strong the people who survive through it are. The disease is not worth the cherish, but the people who fight their lives through it are. Whether you are creative or not, or even to the level seen as a creative genius, do not give up your life.
When I was young, and suffered through this during my late teenage, there was nobody there for me. I tried to show a friendly and happier face than I actually was to people, and at times those who disliked my "personality" tried to be away from me. When I felt better, I cannot believe how someone can deal with this for 6-7 years, and possibly going to deal with it for the rest of his life.
I am a 20 year old female
I am a 20 year old female who has just been diagnosed bipolar. i believe i inherited it from my father's side. when i was a child i was incredibly shy and i loved to draw and i was the wierdest kid ever i thought. My teachers told my parents they thought i was a prodigy but i was so embarrased of it because i knew it was what made me wierd. As a teenager I stopped doing art altogether, i was totally focused on fitting in and boys. i was constantly fighting with my parents, and i was very impulsive when it came to alcohol and spending money (I had this thing where every chance i got I would go buy panties and bras).all the things i thought were typical, but i would have these uncontrollable fits of rage,i would get soo angry and smash things. i am not a big person 5'8 and 115 pounds, and i have put holes in the walls! when im angry its like i have all this strength and i do not know what im doing and often dont remember what happened afterwards. but everyone said i would grow out of it. i was taken to a hospital after a suicide attempt and i was first diagnosed with depression, and the medications they gave me for that made me lose my mind. i had this need to create and one day i just started oilpainting, which i hadnt ever done before! it just came so natural and people would tell me that what i did was amazing, but i was such a perfectionistic all i would see when i looked was spots that needed more work. if it were up to me no painting would ever be finished.. people kept asking to buy them and now im doing galleries and such and im only 20 years old. i KNOW its the manic deppressiveness that enables me to do what i do. my advice to other people with this diagnosis is to embrace what you have. you may have potential to achieve super success!