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Revisiting: Pinecones, Pineconing

mturer's picture
Submitted by mturer on Sun, 09/30/2012 - 2:13pm

Original:

    Pinecones bloom on bare branches like impossible flowers. I don’t think they look real. I have no idea what makes me think so. Maybe it’s the hum of the electrical green box just outside the tree. Maybe I have just forgotten pinecones over the summer and replaced them in my mind with underwater grass beds. They now constitute a fake tree, apparently.

Rheomode:

    Blooming and flowering impossibly on branches, defying assumptions by existing as a pinecone, pineconing. Processing in the brain and opposing this vision. Knowing nothing about the causing. Humming of the perceiving to be green box invalidating visual clues. Forgetting pinecones and replacing with swimming grass and breathing of water by animals. Leading to confusing the seeing of pinecones during the happening. Changing the vision to being deceiving.

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Comments

et502's picture

many concentric circles

Submitted by et502 on Sun, 09/30/2012 - 10:49pm.

I think this is one of the first examples I've read in which the rheomode is longer than the original paragraph. I wonder why that is in this case? Perhaps in order to remove the details of your experiences, you had to use more verbs - the more actions you specified, the smaller were the circles you made around those experiences. 

r.graham.barrett's picture

Your Word Choice

Submitted by r.graham.barrett on Sun, 09/30/2012 - 5:07pm.

I really enjoyed some of the word choice you decided to use for your rheomode re-write of your paragraph. In particular I took note of your use of the term, "the happening" because I also used the term in my own rhemode rewrite. Given the nature of the rhemode format, I thought it was an appropriate use of making a verb the primary focus of the sentence. Its hard to distiguish "happening" as an action or a noun, since depending on its use, it can be either one, so I think trying to use it within the rhemode rewrite is very appropriate because of its ambiguity. I thought your use of it was very appropriate and I just wanted to ask what made you decide to use it and in what context did you mean for it to be in (I had used mine to signify the changing seasons so I am curious as to how else it could be used)?  

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