Diffracting

I was thinking about my process for the "Teach In" when I read the objectives of this "diffracting" assignment - I think that I was already starting to diffract, trying to understand my process of learning in this class. So, with that as a background, I'll consider the specific areas of review. 

Group work/Participation - I think that I have been very "present" in class. Participation for me, sometimes is just critical thinking and note-taking - I have to wait for a while before I start to see connections in the material. Sometimes, participation meant that I had to work through those connections out loud. I think I was more focused on my own learning in this class than on others' learning, though I did make an effort to ask questions and encourage other people's writing online. Over time, as we got to be more comfortable with one another, I felt that I could be more vulnerable, in some ways - especially during the final teach-in. 

Out of classroom engagement - I talked to you in the middle of the semester about this - I felt a lag in my engagement, or rather, in my ability to produce anything in response to my site or the outings. For example, when we went on the eco-tour with the freshmen, I really felt that I was just transcribing the details of what happened - sans reflection or personal input. However, after meeting with you, I felt more relaxed, I could just focus on participating instead of producing - And doing that, meant I could commit to the process. I could participate in activities better, because I wasn't as consumed with the pressure to make something out of them. Last semester, one of my professors insisted that our objective was "to learn." Not to create anything, just "to learn." I didn't understand her. I was puzzled by this concept. But I think that the smaller steps I took in this class toward learning, being a sponge, trying out different mindsets, reading about concepts I didn't like all the time - this helped me learn how to learn. How I learn. 

Reading - To be completely honest, I hated some of the readings. And because of that, it would take me twice as long to finish them (if I finished them). I felt as though, in order to understand, I had to believe some of what I was reading. Maybe this isn't totally true, but still, that was my perception. It was a relief to get to class and realize that other people felt the same way… So I felt isolated while reading, much of the time - feeling as though there was something that I wasn't "getting." I wonder whether, in the future, I can make reading a more social activity for myself - I remember in English 250, a friend and I used to read the literary theory to each other and discuss it while reading. I think I should have done that. I hope that I'll have an opportunity to try that out next semester. 

Writing - Serendip was a great resource for me - I felt that I had some freedom to play around with ideas, and the impermanence allowed that. I wrote a lot of comments on other people's posts; I found that having very specific subjects to respond to made it much easier to write and ask questions. I was thrilled whenever someone commented on my posts or on a thread that I was part of. Also, as I engaged with the course material more, I started making connections to things outside of class - and pulling them in through posts. 

I think that I spent more time on the papers in this class that I would have if they had been typical English papers. The research that I did was different, and, especially by the end, the product/creativity was different. The only thing that I really regret was not spending more time on Paper#2 - I was really sick when I wrote it, and recovering afterwards when I would have been in a good mindset to improve it. I did a lot of research on the meadows on campus, exploring each of them, talking to friends about them, talking to Ed Harmon - and I don't think my project reflects that work very well. 

Overall, I feel much more confident in my writing and speaking. Also, I valued my peers' input and, looking back on my notes, I realize that their insights were a very important part of this class for me. Also, conversations that I had with classmates were very encouraging - Sruthi, in particular, noticed that I wasn't speaking very much during class (probably around mid semester), and the fact that she noticed that and pointed it out to me motivated me to try harder to contribute to the class. I hadn't realized before then, that my silence and internalized processing was only useful to me, unless I was willing to open my mouth.