Paper 2

As I re-read the prompt for this paper (which was about a thousand times), I still have trouble understanding it and even coming up with an answer. Ever since we started class, I have been having trouble visualizing silence. I understand it to be the inability to speak/express yourself, either because you do not want to or because someone/something won’t let you. I read almost all the papers that are already posted to see if I can get an idea of what to write about, or what the question is asking. After reading the papers, I still do not have an answer, which (with a little help from Sarah) led me to conclude that the openness/vagueness of the question is silencing me.

 I guess I can relate this predicament to my academic life here at Bryn Mawr. A lot of the times, if not all the time, when there is an assignment, it takes me a while to completely comprehend what is being asked. This makes me think of our last class when we spoke about the different levels of comprehension and “education” in all of my classes. If there were a time where I am silenced in a classroom, it would definitely be when I am being asked to reason or think about something that is fairly foreign to me.

 I find a lot of my readings to be extremely difficult and inaccessible for me. I am not used to these really long, complicated texts where the author uses all these ginormous words and uses these metaphors and imagery that leave me blank. This makes me extremely frustrated and so I proceed to make the mistake of just watching Netflix to forget where I am and all the things I need to do.

Back in high school I was always the student to know almost all the answers, I was in all (and by all I mean the only 2 that were offered) the AP classes; starting my sophomore year I was already taking classes with the kids from classes above me; like I mentioned in class on Thursday, I was even the valedictorian of my class. I say all of this just to show that even though I do not come from the most prestigious high school in Boston, I am capable of succeeding academically, but for some reason this is so much harder to achieve here. Now that I think about it (again with Sarah’s help J) think difference is that I am not used to the process method of my professors teaching, in high school my teachers were very specific in their assignments.

As much as I try to do all of my readings and try to understand most of it, this is a very hard task for me. I am a slow reader to begin with, and while I read one text, others in class have already gone through almost all of them – and understanding it. When it is time for class, I find myself silenced when we are asked to speak about the readings (especially in our Ed class where we have to pair up) I find myself often apologizing to whoever my partner is because I cannot share any deep insights or thoughts about the texts, I can just point at the few lines and topics I did understand.

So When I am asked what does silence look like, I guess to me, it would be not being able to speak with such depth and understand the readings as much as my peers. I would not say I am intimidated by them, I just sometimes feel incompetent in a way though I do know I have the potential. I just shut myself down sometimes (by watching Netflix for example) because it frustrates me having to work three times as much just to be good enough to pass. I worry that my professors will think I am not trying hard enough or that I am just not college material because my writing is not even close to my peers extreme cohesive, poetic writing.

Life here at Bryn Mawr can and is overwhelming for me. From the times during midterms and finals, to just homework in general to even when I am working at Uncommons; everyone complaining about how much work they have to do and how stressed and sleep deprived they are. Watching people come in order five shots of espresso and two large coffees just shocks me. From the culture shock on campus in general to the culture shock academically, there is a huge gap that I need to begin finding ways to close it.