The Start of My Feminist Journey

It's hard not to believe that I have come a long way since the start of the semester. I was indeed scared, intimidated, and incredibly nervous about the academic and social envrionment that I would be planted in; however, my fears completely dissolved and were replaced by excitement and confidence.

I absolutely flourished in the unique set up of our classroom and class discussion. I am definitely a more talkative classroom participant, but one can't help but worry about being enveloped by the voices and presence of more knowledgeable students. Our discussions were heavily focused in personal perspecives, interpretations, opinions and anecdotes, in which no response could ever be "wrong". As new terminiology and theory were brought up, the discussion would halt for a moment to explain and intrudce these new definitions to everyone. For me, the physical organizaiton of our class, in which we sat in one large circle, was open and inviting, as if we were all sitting amongst a table, participating in a highly political dinner conversation. There were times when some of us dominated the conversation in a manner that restricted others. Something that I became cognitive of after our discussion of silence and the "10 second speaking rule", was that I was victim to speaking before thinking instead of letting my thoughts simmer and cook thoroughly. This semester, I tried to focus a lot on embracing silence and not stealing every opportunity to speak but instead take a moment to think internally and actively listen to others. Sometimes I would count to 10 in my head if I still wanted to contribute to the conversation but felt like I had already begun to dominate the discussion. I believe that I learned a lot about active participation AND active listening in the class.

This class has greatly shaped my feminist ideology. I had mentioned once in class that Bryn Mawr students take pride in "going against the grain" of our general society; however, within the Bryn Mawr community we all go against the grain in the same direction. There were times when I felt like the spoken unanimity of certain concepts and beliefs was frustrating. During these times, I was hoping for someone to respond with opposing ideologies, which did happen every so often. I am so grateful to have such a progressive environment that accepts my expression of ideas and thoughts; however, at times it lacks a diversity of thought and opposing perspectives. Many students, including myself, struggled to disagree with others because they didn't want to offend anyone. Nonetheless, I returned home to my friends and family with some radical ideas, confusion, and disbelief. This course sparked new conversations for me outside of class because I felt like I had new perspectives and knowledge to contribute. I have newfound confidence about my feminism- I finally feel like I can truly own it.

With regard to writing, I discovered that my brain functions more easily when I do not follow traditional essay formats. Discovering that I was allowed to include photos, videos, and other media sources in my web events and weekly postings completely energized and refreshed my creative writing process. My first two web events, which I really enjoyed researching and writing for, reflect this unique formating; however, my last web event was a great struggle to complete. My mind jumps and flows form topic to topic in a way that isn't always compatible with writing. When I am permited the freedom to explore different organizational structures in my papers that mimic my train of thought, my thought process and writing align. I absolutely love the research process for these assignments because I end up reading an article that introduces me to a new concept which takes me to a new source with new ideas. This perpetual cycle immitates my thought process, which is probably why I love the research portion even though I'm not as time-efficient.

Lastly, I'd like to discuss queer time. Being on time is something that I have always struggled with and have always felt so guilty about! My entire family is the exact same way. I despise being late, but I'm late all the time. For the first time in my life, I realized that I run on queer time and that is okay. My creative thought process is queer- it does not function like any other brain and it follows a unique and sometime time-consuming path. Many of my assigmnets were late (within a 5 or so hours of the deadline); however, I put so much time and effort into those projects with that extra time. I would rather submit work of my highest quality, than submit a piece on time. That said, although I take advantage of the leeway time, I do beleive that general deadlines are important.