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"we need ... a different way of talking among ourselves and others"
I agree, as per Cultures of ability
Instead of looking at each other in terms of deficiencies, we could look at each other in terms of strengths and construct our sense of what we're trying to do based on that.  We are trying to do whatever the particular collection of people who make up our culture is able to do well.  And we constantly adjust what we're trying to do to assure that everybody in our culture plays a meaningful role in what we're trying to do.  We create and recreate our culture to make everybody a meaningful contributor to it
maybe, by learning to be less critical and more generous with ourselves we could as well contribute to bringing into being a more humane culture, a culture of ability rather than disability?"
and On beyond a critical stance
The ability to use what is available, both in oneself and in other people, to create new understandings and new meaning depends on a critical posture but requires, beyond that, an interesting blend of humility and ambition: a willingness to listen to both oneself and others and a belief that it is actually possible, individually and collectively, to create new understandings.
I think its something like that that Rumi [see below] had in mind: a place where we talk and listen not to determine what is "right" and what is "wrong," nor because its important to be polite and respectful, but rather in order to create, for ourselves and others, ways to make sense of things that make more sense than anything we have yet thought of, to create and recreate meaning."
The key to such a place, it seems to me, is not in fact to give up "professional expertise" nor the "idiosyncratic, personal."  Nor to focus on "that which is real, about that which matters."  What is needed is to bring to the conversational table not restricted or focused parts of oneself but the entirety of an inevitably incoherent self.  And faith that it is from the exchange of the richness of pieces that new coherences will emerge, individually and collectively.  And again dissolve, providing the grist for new coherences to again emerge.  What is needed is to see each other less as representative of wholes that challenge or threaten and more as a source of diverse openings, each to be accepted or declined  without judgement of their possible worth for others. 
Out beyond ideas of right-doing and wrong-doing
there is a field.
I'll meet you there.
...... Jelaluddin Rumi