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Maybe it's not so much wanting men to see themselves as victims so much as men realizing that the whole concept of male privilege and favoring men (and masculininty) over women (and femininity) hurts men, too. In order to not be hurt by male privilege and the prizing of masculinity, men must make sure that they are masculine enough.

There's a book I found called Does Feminism Discriminate Against Men?: A Debate, by Warren Farrell, Steven Svoboda, and James P. Sterba. From what I can tell, it examines whether there is still a need for feminism and whether feminism hurts men (this would likely be if the need for feminism is over). I didn't get very far into the book because it really frustrated me (I think I disagreed with his views on feminism, or the type of feminism that he decided to argue against--it was a few years ago), but it's an interesting concept. 

I think that it's less that feminism hurts men and more that having rigid ideas about men and women hurts everyone. The type of feminism that makes all men out to be evil oppressors hurts everyone. The idea that women must do certain things, and men must do other certain things, and they can't ever do things set aside for the "opposite" gender, hurts everyone. A feminism (or any other sort of movement, whatever it's called) that would allow people to do whatever they wanted without fear that it is wrong for their gender would be good for everyone. It would be good for girls who want to play football; it would be good for boys who want to watch Gossip Girl or wear nail polish. It would be good for anyone whose actions are currently restricted by society's notions of what men and women should do.

And now I'm totally off topic. I guess my point is that maybe it'd be eaiser to...deal with?...masculine cismen who recognize that male privilege/sexism/the patriarchy/gender roles hurts men, too, and not just women. There would be a lack of condescension if it were less "oh, poor women" and more "this hurts all of us." I'm not sure if I'm making sense anymore, or if this at all touches on what holsn39 said.