lksmith's blog

When I looked over my essay again after class and even when I origially wote it, I felt that I was only really touching on the surface of the existentialist view of Natalie/Keisha's identity crisis. When I rewrite my essay this weekend, I plan to focus on deepening the ideas I have already presented in the essay and looking closer at her situation to develop the paper more. In parts of the essay I need to shift the focus of my writing back to the main points I was trying to make, this will not only keep my paper on track but also give me the pooprtunity to dig deeper into the true nature of her situation. Overall, I plan to develop my ideas more and organize them in a way that will make them more impactful. 

            How does one define their own identity? Is it by the way that they wish to be seen and the person they want to be or is it something more than that? In “NW” by Zadie Smith, Natalie (formerly Keisha) struggles with these questions as she moves through her life trying to find who she really is.

            In existentialism it is though that a person defines their essence through their actions rather than being governed by some greater human nature. Every action a person does is a part of that identity, even if it is done unconsciously. (Crowell) In her youth, Keisha had already begun to feel the identity crisis that would plague her adulthood. Around the age of ten she realized “In the child’s mind a breach now appeared: between what she believed she knew of herself, essentially, and her essence as other seemed to understand it.” (Smith 208) She alone saw the inner workings of her own mind, though that is not what defines her identity, or, more accurately her essence. In the existentialist perspective the way in which others understood her essence was much closer to her identity because that view was based much more heavily on her actions rather than her private thoughts.  

            When I was reading NW by Zadie Smith something that really stood out to me was Natalie/Keisha’s identity crisis. Throughout her section of the novel, she struggles as she tries to figure out who she is and who she wants others to see her as. As she battles through this, she changes her name back and forth between Keisha (the name she used in her youth) and Natalie (the name she generally kept as an adult). The full extent of her identity crisis is shown in the last page of the book where it says that Natalie called the police and Keisha gave the anonymous tip about Felix’s death. Even though she is, at that point, fully in her adult life, she still struggles with who she really is and where she came from.

            At the beginning of the semester, I came into this class not knowing what to expect. I had an idea that it might be different from the other Emily Balch Seminars because the subject itself was set so far apart from the others, but until the first day of classes I had no idea just how different it would be.

            The activity we did on the first day of class, where we looked around the classroom to understand the space we would be spending our time together, can be used to perfectly explain my experience in the class up to this point. We spent the day looking at all the different aspects of the room in detail and placing them in context with everything else we found. The building itself has been around long enough that it has many layers of history that can be seen though observation. People noticed the designs on the fireplace, the shutters on the windows, parts of the walls that did not match up with the rest of the room, and plaques under the windows with names engraved of people that donated to the school. When we sat down and discussed everything that we noticed the class as a whole was better able to understand the space we were in and how every little piece added up to make it what it was.

            What does it mean to play critically? Does that level of seriousness in play take away all of the things that make it play? According to Mary Flanagan in her book “Critical Play: Radical Game Design,” the term critical play is difficult to define and therefore can be described in many ways. Throughout the introduction of the book, Flanagan presents a few different definitions of this idea of critical play and how it differs from traditional play. In my most recent trip into the city of Philadelphia, I attempted to understand more about this idea of critical play by incorporating some of Flanagan’s ideas into my own actions.

While reading through the Philadelphia Inquirer, I saw a many interesting things that caught my attention. A large portion of this was related to how the recent government shutdown will affect the economy if it lasts much longer than a few days. From that idea, I followed this trail:

1. The article on A1 entitled "U.S. Parks would close, drying up tourist cash flow." This led me to thinking about the national parks in the city of Philadelphia, namely the Independence National Historic Park.

2. I did a google search on Independence National Historic Park and found a walking tour of the park:

http://philadelphia.about.com/od/travel/ss/independence.htm

3. At the bottom of the page I saw a link to the neighborhoods of Philadelphia:

http://philadelphia.about.com/od/neighborhoods/Neighborhoods.htm

4. I looked through a few of the neighborhoods, starting with Old City:

http://philadelphia.about.com/od/neighborhoods/a/queen_village.htm

5. As I continued to look, Queen Village caught my eye as well:

http://philadelphia.about.com/od/neighborhoods/p/old_city_phila.htm

            Little pieces of paper fall down and scatter across the floor. Pictures and memories are torn apart and delicately released to find their own path. Each ripped up chunk by itself is meaningless, its story hidden beyond the incomplete edges. Once all the small fragments come together on the ground they become something new, though not in the traditional way. Once the pile is formed, they are merely an abstract mess of torn papers, waiting for someone to come along and see them as something more.

            This is the process that the Dada artist Hans Arp used in his Collage Arranged According to the Laws of Chance as mentioned in Chapter 5 of Mary Flanagan’s Critical Play. Flanagan said that “In his automatic processes, Arp would draw, rip the drawings into pieces, allow the pieces to fall where they may, and affix them where they lay as a memento of the operation.” In both of my excursions into the city of Philadelphia, this quote was represented in various ways that gave both the experience and the quote greater significance for me.

Each of the pieces of this mosaic is a photo I took when I visited the Magic Gardens and other mosaics around South Street over the weekend. Together they become compeletly new versions of what they were before.

            Play is a crucial part of human life. Without it the world becomes dull and uninteresting, lost to all those who cannot live in the moment and embrace what comes their way. This is what I was reminded of during my excursion into the city of Philadelphia this weekend.

            Everywhere in the city people filled the streets, museums, and markets going about their daily activities. There were many that stared straight ahead and marched on with determination as they walked from place to place. Others were more relaxed, simply glad to be out in the sun enjoying the city’s lively atmosphere. I found myself in awe of all the amazing things that I passed by as I strolled slowly down the streets trying to take in everything all at once.