reflection

Where was I?

Beginning this semester I felt mobilized and hungry. I came out of a summer research fellowship with the confidence that I could make room for race in the academy (this is so loaded and overzealous but still). As the semester progressed it felt more and more difficult to relocate that initial hunger….

Where am I?

I’m looking forward to next semester.

Between?

 

I don’t think I gave as much of myself to this 360 as I thought I would. It was much more difficult than I expected… More difficult and a much different kind of difficulty than I had anticipated. I think the course attracted a group of people committed to social justice work, which, to me, is a lot different than race theory (of course, I too am invested in social justice work, but my summer’s work left off in a very different place). I had VERY high expectations-- for myself, for my peers, for my professors.

How did I learn?

In the beginning of the cluster, I spent a lot of time on the reading, especially in Education. We went back and forth a lot about class structure, which made it difficult for me to root myself in the discussions being had. It felt like there was either way too much to say about something or way too little. In English I felt confused by structure again, which pushed my learning further outside of the classroom/into the reading. In all, I dedicated a lot of time to reading during the first half of the semester.

What did I learn?

I learned a lot about classroom dynamics… Lots about what my role should/nt/could/nt be. I faced head-on some of the most trying challenges of wanting to talk about race… I learned how much energy and effort it takes to figure this stuff out.

Where/what are the edges?

Sometimes the sophomore slump is so real and you’re much too sad to try again. I don’t know how to make people understand if they don’t want to. Even after all of the explanations, entry points and translation work-- if someone doesn’t want to know, they aren’t going to meet you halfway.

Expanded, challenged, complexified?

Again, the challenge of thinking critically about race reared it’s head. Also, the challenge of pushing through again and again. I want to go back into our syllabi and reread a lot.

What did I put in?

I’m not sure how much of myself I gave to this cluster. I think I was rigid in my expectations… and I think that rigidity turned into apathy with a touch of indignation towards the end. My arms felt open at the start, and I think that showed in my participation/work. Things got harder as we went along-- I felt less and less inclined to give myself over to the messiness.

Exhibit

I really dislike group-work, but I’m proud of what we accomplished. Things kind of went to shit with our original veil design, but to be honest, I’m at a loss. The edan isn’t explicitly meant to be in private, but it is meant to be kept at an altar in the home. We will hopefully figure out what to do to keep things cohesive/interesting… I really enjoyed the research aspect of our project. I spent a lot of time doing that work, which hopefully still comes across. Our friday workshops were long and sometimes circular in conversation.. I’m definitely not going to be a curator-- much too hard, but it’s been interesting to see just how much the task of exhibiting Black art is.