October 9, 2015 - 16:46
Warmth is interesting to me because it can have so many varied manifestations, and come from so many sources, but it is almost always a feeling of comfort, of relaxation. Being cold is tense, being hot is restless. Even being cool, often not unpleasant, is evocative of aloofness and distance. But there’s something languid and easy about warmth, something one wants to continue returning to. Cheryl Strayed’s novel Wild is one in which she undertakes an uncomfortable trek to begin finding comfort within herself again; by analyzing the story through a lens of looking for where she feels warm, emotionally or physically, I hope to explore how her sense of comfort, belonging, and ease develops over her journey.
The first point at which Cheryl noticing warmth was noticeable to me was when she clung to her mother immediately after she dies. One of the immediate connotations of warmth is that of life. Her mother, after dying, quickly cooled off and only her core maintained the feeling of warmth and life that she did while she was alive. This is the last piece of her living mother she can attach herself to, and is the last moment before her trauma and grief strike. This comes up again immediately after Cheryl and Leif kill her mother’s horse, Lady. Strayed consciously draws a parallel between the two. The siblings speak of their mother now being able to fully pass on, as a warrior cannot cross over to the afterlife without her horse; it is as if now that Lady was gone too, any aspect of their mother’s life was now absent. The interpersonal physical warmth is very important, I think, as it reappears at the very end of Cheryl’s journey too. Partly with Jonathan, the man she meets, sleep with, and has an intense connection with in Ashland. She often speaks of wanting someone to press herself against, and I don’t think it’s just lust, but a need for intimacy and comfort that she had been grasping for since her mother died. The most striking parallel to me, though, was when she is lying next to Rick in the back Lisa’s trick. “I smiled at him… intensely aware of the side of his body so warm against mine as we lay together in an exquisitely conscious silence.” (Page 299) This is preceded a paragraph above by “for once the phrase a woman with a hole in her heart didn’t thunder into my head. That phrase, it didn’t even live for me anymore.” Her connection of warmth to another person is the moment in which she appears to feel whole as she did before.
Another point at which warmth comes into play is during the many times Strayed recalls drinking alcohol on the trail. This is almost always a result of trail-mates leaving some for her, such as the young Desert Storm vets leaving a beer, or in the capacity of having fun with those friends, drinking at a bar off-trail or celebrating with a gifted bottle of wine. There are exceptions, such as the hobo-researcher giving her a beer, but in most cases these moments of drinking are moments where Cheryl seems comfortable, relaxed, and happy. I bring warmth into consideration with these scenes because of the traditional symptom of drinking is feeling warm, both as a psychosomatic symptom and an actual one. When correlated with the moments of happiness on the trail, these moments of drinking are another example in which a feeling of warmth is tied to Cheryl being in a moment of “finding” herself; or at least, a moment in which she is not appearing to feel lost, empty, cold.
Another theme in which Cheryl is warm are the times when her gear and clothing keeps her warm, especially when she gets up into the snowier climes. She nestles into her sleeping bag with the hood covering her face; she changes into fleece lined pants; she warms her hands around the fire at night. These moments of warmth are examples of Cheryl being legitimately prepared for her hike of the Pacific Coast Trail. I think an argument could be made for the fact that Cheryl, in her grief, was doing things in a daze. She read the guidebook without extracting knowledge, slept with all the other men without thinking about why she was doing it, didn’t think of the logistical aspects of her hike. However, in the moments where she is fully able and apt, she often feels warm and comfortable at the same time. Fire, as well, offers an interesting metaphor, with fire being symbolic of life and growth in many contexts, from Prometheus stealing the fire of the Gods to help Man become powerful to the cavemen mastering fire to advance into domesticity and specialization. In this way, physical warmth via Cheryl’s survival skills show a transition for her from being dazed and unprepared to having some footing in the grounded world.
Perhaps I was drawn to this word because I often long to be warm. I pile on layers and layers in the fall and spring, am always shivering in winter, and even wear a scarf in summer, occasionally. Warmth brings to mind, for me, sitting around a bonfire, being bundled up in bed, giving a hug. These are moments of relaxation, comfort, and belonging, and I think the same can be said for how Strayed uses warmth to convey her “journey from lost to found.” From empty to whole again, Cheryl’s relationship and cognition with warmth can be tied to moments in which she is no longer “lost,” but instead growing towards a fuller and more content re-realization of herself.
Works Cited
Strayed, Cheryl. Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail. New York: Vintage Books, 2013. Print.