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Soldiers in the Evolutionary War

Madi's picture

Soldiers in the Evolutionary War

...and all the people that you made in your image

see them fighting in the street

'cause they can't make opinions meet

about God...”

~ Dear God, XTC

The kids pile into the car, that new kind that runs on the oil from corn or french fries or peanuts. The bumper stickers on the back scream to the world “Darwin is my copilot,” and “I'm a Primate and PROUD!” or simply depict the Darwin fish. The car pulls into a line of other extremely similar cars, like ants marching back to the hill. One by one they drop off their young at Dennett's Darwin Camp.

Welcome to Darwin Camp, grooming children to take up their roles in the world's oldest war, making people believe what you believe. First, there was monotheism versus polytheism, but even when most of the world agreed or were forced to agree that there was only one true God, there was war between the monotheistic religions. (Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.) And now, a new heavyweight has entered the fray. Evolution steps in, and it's got a weapon: evidence.

In the mornings at camp, the counselors lecture the kids about the science of it all. Mendelian genetics demonstrate inheritance. The Galapagos finches, whose average beak sizes depended on the type of food available, demonstrate the ability to adapt to differing environments. The fossil record which shows older organisms which we evolved from and also different permutations of familiar organisms that went extinct because they weren't as well suited towards the environment.

After this, the lectures take a turn for the political. These Darwinists call themselves Primates or Evolutionaries in political circles. Their influence has grown so that it has a significant impact on the outcomes of elections. The kids are taught the most recent Primate victories in the government. The controversial removal of “under God” from the Pledge of Allegiance was just the start. Banks have begun to rotate out any old money with the words “In God We Trust” on it for the new “Trustless” bills as the opposition calls them. The Primates are well on their way to having a bill passed that will make evolution the only theory allowed to be taught in schools.

The children are also taught about the “foolishness” of religion, about how God has been disproved because Intelligent Design couldn't possibly have occurred along with Darwin's theory of evolution. They laugh in the faces of believers. They mockingly say things like, “Oh, yes, and I believe that we were created by the Flying Spaghetti Monster.” They don't believe in the existence of the soul because they don't see any evidence for it.

There was a teacher in Kansas who taught Creationism alongside of evolution. The weekend after the story was on the news, a group of these Darwin Camp kids came down to Topeka with their Louisville sluggers in hand. They surrounded her house one night, throwing rocks through the windows, catcalling and jeering. They knocked her car over and smashed in the windows. Then they ran as soon as they heard the sirens wailing through the night, a little later than they should have been.

At the end of the week, the kids are ushered back into the identical cars. They talk about the next new Primate driven proposal to be put before Congress and laugh with their parents over ever believing in God, a note of superiority in their voices when they talk about people who do still believe. The kids leave Darwin Camp, ready to try and impose their values on others, ready to become soldiers in the Evolutionary War.