You are Not an Easy Person to Sleep with Dear Zebra

In a gross act

Of anthropomorphization

A biologist learns that intellectuals and

Snails alike, have penises close to their brains.

Cupid evolved from Helix Aspersa

Yet this scientist would be pierced with gypsobelum

That potentially fatal dart of yours

Dear snail

During six hours of foreplay

While admiring your radula and chestnut whorls

Our squelching bodies possessed bilateral symmetry.

From this pair of feet, whose foot is whose? 

Calcareous shells clink. When I steal the covers,

I am not an easy person to sleep with.  Why?

Would you cuddle with a snail?

Because we were both once prey

For the carnivorous of our species feast on cardiac muscle.

Now, meet me in New Haven where we will be

Just another pair of garden gastropods

Right?