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Michaela's picture

Maybe it's because I find myself biting off more than I have before, in activities, projects, and jobs outside the classroom (not more than I can chew, though--once I develop that attitude, I'll be swallowed whole by my own onslaught of thoughts and anxieties). Maybe it's because I've been entirely overwhelmed by this course, especially in the past week and a half or so, with the complexities of silence, voice, vision, intermingling as I try to quiet myself to better listen to others voices and see their points of view--I've been thinking about this Swedish (?) proverb

Whatever the reason, I've been feeling more than a little emotionally (physically, spiritually, mentally) drained by this experience. It's been amazing, don't get me wrong. I'm so so grateful to be in an environment unlike any other I have ever learned in before, where we get to speak about and listen to some of the deepest, innermost, and most provocative feelings and experiences that we've had. But when someone asks me, hey, what classes are you taking this semester? and I find myself talking about our 360, in many cases, they'll talk about how envious they are that the program doesn't fit into their schedule, into their major, into their lives, because, goodness, how lucky am I to be involved! And I am. But then I'm inevitably asked to talk about all of this...stuff with them, simplify it into its most basic, anecdotal terms, and move on to hear more about their course load this semester. The word I find myself using most often when asked to talk about our discussions, our readings, etc, is "heavy". What does that even mean? It's all heavy, sometimes more of a load than I can bear. But why is that the only word I can come up with to talk about it, even to some of my closest friends, or my mom? Sometimes I'm frustrated that they aren't there to have experienced it for themselves, either so they'll stop asking questions (mom) or so it will make more sense to them why I'm so, so affected and drained by all of this (friends). But then I'm glad that it's just us, too. This is something that we share that no one else does, that makes me want to get to know all of you better, to talk about this, about whatever, to run across campus screaming, to play dodgeball, to eat dinner and patter on about silly things and pretend we aren't so affected, anything to LET IT OUT.

Does anyone else feel this way? 



HSBurke's picture

I chose to write my webpaper

I chose to write my webpaper this week about how exhausted the course makes me and how that contributes to my silence. I feel you, girl. 

ishin's picture