Learning to be comfortable...with the uncomfortable

         Going into this course, I would have defined feminism as equal rights and opportunities for men and women.  Now, at the end of the semester, I see that a critical feminist perspective would question many aspects of my definition.  I never thought about the gender binary, although I had heard about it, and I had not really thought about the problematic elements of the history of feminism, as we read about in Bell Hook’s book, “Feminism is for Everybody.”  My ideas of equal rights and opportunities are colored by so many factors as I learned in this class and I have learned that what I may see as equality could be problematic.  For example, Bell Hooks discusses how white women wanted to be able to enter the workforce, yet ignored a large population of women working in fields that those with privilege would have considered beneath them.  Another idea that was really challenged for me in the course was the good of international feminism, or at least the spread of western feminism and humanitarianism to an international audience and attempts of westerners to spread their brand of feminism.  I struggled with our discussion of “Half the Sky,” and actually read the whole book to see if any of my concerns could be addressed.  I ultimately felt that Kristoff and WuDunn covered a lot of points that our class criticized them for not recognizing, he just did so in sections of the book we did not read as a class.  For example, they talk at length about the importance of change coming from within a culture and how these are the most effective and sustainable changes.  They also discuss the importance of seeing what the needs really are and taking a critical look at the work nonprofits do, all questions we had during class.  I recognize that I feel a desire to help people, and since I was a child (going back to Hebrew school starting in Pre-K), I have learned from a religious perspective about the concept of “tzedakah” and how important it is – giving back some of what you earn and helping others in non-monetary ways was highly stressed in my childhood, so problematizing that instinct felt very uncomfortable.  I do recognize that the discomfort I felt could just be the result of pushing past what I know and become more critical and questioning of my own instincts and influences, which are skills I desire and value.  Maybe the edge of my learning now lies more in the border between comfort and discomfort. 

            Looking back at my participation in class, I think I had a period of adjusting to being in an English class, or any real humanities class, after not being in this kind of class for so long.  After I began to feel more comfortable, I think I participated often and contributed in a useful way.  I enjoyed hearing the opinions of my classmates, especially in small group settings.  It is interesting that the class was so much about comfort in this sense, in feeling free to speak one’s mind, but so much about discomfort in the material of the course, in really trying to queer and radicalize our views on feminism and gender.  Contributing online was more difficult to me, and although I think I participated to a satisfactory extent, I did not push myself to be a constant poster.  I find that conversation feels a lot more organic and interesting to me than reading posts, so I preferred thinking about the material and then speaking about it in class or with friends outside of class to posting about it.  Posting felt somewhat one-sided to me despite the potential for commenting and online conversation.

            My written work has evolved throughout the semester and I think by the end I actually started writing my third web event without a conclusion in mind, while the first two web events where much more pre-planned and deliberate.  My first web event was very simplistic and my second progressed to question the discussion we were having in class.  My third added to our class discussion and looked at the interaction between feminism and popular culture in the form of the Feminist Ryan Gosling meme.  I think that my thinking has evolved along the same lines as my writing, with the most important change being that I know see just how flawed my thinking can be and try to challenge my own thoughts and presumptions.

            My final project and equivalent of a 12-page paper was a collaborative project with sekang and dchin.  We worked well together and didn’t face any real problems in collaborating.  I think because we all know each other from other contexts, working together was not difficult.  We all contributed and did significant amounts of work – I am happy with how both our final project and final “paper” turned out.