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I appreciate this critique -- being able to "sit at the table" and be recognized as belonging there and thus invited to participate is achieved at least in part via direct instruction by elders.  To me, this is analogous to teaching kids in school to use the conventions of academia (like the proper utensils for a meal), not so that they believe in them and can never question them, but so they can participate in conventional spaces and be seen as legitimately there.  To me, a question is how to teach conventions (not whether to teach them): to enable choice and a space for generative conflict, or to socialize people into not seeing the choice or experiencing the conflict?