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I am *so tired* of hearing people say to just do what you want, to just be you.” Yes, it’s a great idea. It’s something we should all strive for. I’m all for people just being who they are. However, I believe rather strongly that saying “Just be! Isn’t that the easiest thing to do?” completely dismisses the struggles that a lot of people face trying to “just be.” No, just being is *not* the easiest thing to do--I think it’s probably the most authentic thing to do; I think it’s probably the best and most fulfilling thing to do; I think it’s probably the most likely to make one happy and whole--but for a lot of people, it’s not the *easiest* thing to do. Going against peer pressure, going against societal rules, going against familial expectations and religious commands, and just general socialization--it’s not easy. Sometimes it’s scary and alienating and dangerous. I’m not saying it’s not worth it, just that it’s not always easy.

And to me, saying that just being oneself is the easiest thing to do passes judgment on people who don’t always manage to “just be” or who are trying to figure what it would mean to “just be.” Maybe all this is easy for you. In which case, I’m really happy for you. Truly. I’m glad that being yourself comes so easily to you. But it’s not always so easy for everyone else.

In a post during Week 9, in response to the question of socialization, you wrote, “You aren't you by virtue of just you, you are you because of all the people you've met and places you've gone.” I think you’ve missed the point. I agree with you; the people we’ve met, and the places we’ve gone, and the experiences we’ve had--that all influences us. And that’s not a bad thing. That’s how life goes.

But when I say that people have internalized a lot of society’s messages, and that socialization really affects how people act and think, I’m not just saying that we’re the product of our experiences. I’m not saying that society is bad.

You say that “Society isn't just telling us to be perfect WASPs who are straight and marry perfect men.” And it’s true; that’s not the only message society is telling. But I think that a lot of socialization is so much more insidious than you realize, or at least more insidious than you care to admit. There are so many messages that society sends children that being straight and cis is the way to go. That’s it’s “natural.” There are so many little things that bring people up believing in various gender norms and roles--I don’t have time to list them all here, but I can put together a list of books and articles and whatnot that I’ve read if you actually want it. Mary Osirim’s “The Study of Gender in Society” and Marissa Golden’s “Women, Work, and Family” were two good classes that dealt with gender roles and socialization, by the way.  


Also, in response to what you said about Felice Picano, there’s a big different between not wanting a label and just being, just doing what you feel. I’m not saying that they cannot be the same thing, just that not wanting a label is not necessarily just doing what you feel, and just doing what you feel is not necessarily going to lead to not wanting a label.

I think that saying “talking about categories isn't super important because they are just for the world” is really naïve. We interact with the world; we live in the world. Moving about in the world in an integral part of our lives. Talking about categories--which categories others try to put us in, which categories we like--is important because categories shape who we are, how we view ourselves, how others will treat us. I don’t think the answer to is simply pretend that categories don’t exist or don’t matter. Yes, I’m all for people not being stuck forever in some rigid category that they don’t want. But I don’t think that the only other option is to not have categories. Keep in mind, categories are at least a little important to you - you go to a women’s college. “Women” is a category. Perhaps it’s “just for the world,” but it’s still there. If you didn’t somehow fit into that category, you wouldn’t be here.

Also, in an earlier post (posted in Week 8), you wrote, “I identify as a woman quite happily.  I am proud of my female body.” Again, those are categories--both “woman” and “female.” Are categories “just for the world,” or are they important to you, personally, too?

Anyway, I’m sorry this is long, but I’ve been frustrated by some of the things you’ve said, and I found some time to actually post. Hopefully this will lead to interesting discussion; if not, oh well.