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To answer Alex's first question, I think that society wants to reduce the trans individual to essentialist anatomical validity because the game of sex and gender in society is the game of matching.  Since trans people are born and look one way and develop to feel another way, a way not stereotypically associated with their sex or gender, society really doesn't know what to do with those feelings. So in a way, it's like well if one is biologically and physically male, but feels female, he has to embody it to the best of his ability so that the matching game, that is dichotomy of gender, can be played. I think this also partly answers the second question of why there is no such thing as "transliness."