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I appreciate Anne's thoughtful re-cap of Tuesday's discussion. I didn't feel like the conversation had an end. It didn't feel like a clean, satisfying break. I didn't feel like anything was finished or that anything of great significance had been achieved. I kept wondering why do i feel this way? What was meant to be achieved? Did something go terribly wrong? Over and over I played the discussion in my head trying to tease out what about it bothered me so much. I saw Anne on Friday. She stated that she was pleased with the conversation. It was funny. My own anxiety was satiated by her comment. I then thought, there is the rub. As students we are expected to perform a certain way and we are always trying to get "it" right. I believe faculty feel this too to a certain extent. I realized that Anne's comment made me feel like I got something "right" and that somehow getting noticed (by a member of the faculty no less) confirmed that the discussion had gone well. What a bunch of CRAP! It was then that I realized I had fallen into a trap. Instead of continuing to wrestle with my own feelings of anxiety about how the conversation went as soon as I received confirmation that it went well I let go of my own personal thoughts and feelings on it. I came to this page to see what Anne had written about the conversation as if whatever she had to say was more relevant or "worth" more than my own take. I fell into playing the role of a novice student eager to please a beloved faculty member. I feel like getting "positive" feedback from faculty is in one sense very satisfying, at the same time I wonder how much of my response to how the discussion went has been mediated by my role as student eager to please the faculty. Thus, I feel that I in responding this way have colluded in the "hype" that I, on most days, am eager to challenge and push up against. This "hype" I refer to is what most of us live and work in everyday-Bryn Mawr College. I feel wrapped up in an institution that , for as amazing and resourced as it is, tends to leave out something out of its every day interactions--personal connection. Sure we all have it (i hope) on some level within relationships we make/keep on campus, but i think for many its really scary to "bare all." I'm not saying I know what the answer is to this disconnect among the peoples of BMC , though I do think if we could allow ourselves to recongnize, step out of, fight, change etc. the HYPE we would be happier, more connected people. One last thought, some of you know that prior to attending BMC I was the Director of an organization (there's some hype for ya =). I entered that position at the age of 19 without a clue about how an organization runs or even what constituted an organization. I learned quickly that people have the power to create how an organization works and what is valued within an organization. Thus, I feel that we have the power to create an institutional environment where breaking down the "hype" and getting down into the humanity each of us holds could be normative. At the same time I realize how safe we are in this "hype" and to change it poses a threat to how we and others see ourselves. Does anyone really want to be known for who they are and does anyone actually know who they are? Eh...