Bright Star

I really enjoyed this poem.  It was the perfect after dinner and before dessert reading.  My friend paused tending the fire to listen to me read it out loud.  It seems to be addressing the difference between love and infatuation.  Infatuation is atemporal; it is a static kind of affection.  Love takes place in time, over a period of time, love grows with the years.  I see this idea expressed most clearly in the line, "older with you."  The choice of older instead of old, implies an incremental process of aging, rather than a specific point.  Getting older occurs everyday, being old happens one day.  Older is also a relative term, older than what.

The ending of the poem, too is very strongly written.  The repetition of the words with the changing of the line breaks creates the effect with the language that the langauge is talking about.  There is repetition and subtle alteration. 

I'm curious about your choice of form for this poem, particularly your line breaks.  The lines are very short and the shape of poem very long and skinny.  (I've noticed you have used this form several times recently too.)  It works really well for some of the lines, the last five lines especially.  However, there are places where the poem was difficult for me to read out loud.  The breaks were halting the flow of my speech. One example is "more beautiful/ than this what/ happens when".  I wouldn't mind seeing these three lines condensed into one.  I think it would help the flow of the poem.  However, if you are committed to the shape of the poem, perhaps consider modifying the sounds for something easier on the tongue? 

Why one long sentence?  Why no punctuation?  I didn't notice the lack of punctuation until my third reading, but now I'm curious.  Was there a point you were trying to make with the single sentence or did the punctuation follow the sound of the poem?