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 I've been dealing with anxiety issues since middle school and have only recently been diagnosed with mood disorders-- the treatment I receive now is effective; I take anti-depressants and, PRN, a drug that helps stop panic attacks. All of my symptoms are largely controllable now, but in extenuating circumstances I still have anxiety symptoms, disassociating from my body and panicking as a result.

And I think that is one of the reasons why I really like Dickinson's point of view. Other than my general lack of spirituality, this depersonalization, where I feel like an observer of my body and of the things around it, terrifies me in anxious situations. (This is kind of like a trance-like state; everything feels foggy, swimmy, I often experience dizziness or vertigo.) Likewise, I have intense daydreams in moving vehicles that makes me feel unattached to my body. Staring out seems to initiate these moments sometimes, which can be from reading a book or using a computer. (These moments are not as scary because they do not seem to come on by themselves.) I hate those spontaneous moments where I lose control of myself. Everything feels like a dream, like nothing is real. In those moments, I don't know if I am... anything. But by using different techniques, including reciting a mantra in my head, I am often times able to pull myself back into my body.

I do not want to be a body and a mind. Those dissociative moments terrify me and make me feel less real, less in my skin. I know it sounds like I should be embracing Descartes idea because of these experiences-- that I seem to observe the separation between the material and immaterial. But that's not how I feel. I like being a whole, entirely physical being. I find the idea comforting; it's what pulls me back into me. Sometimes I need a shock to my system, like cold air or plunging my hands into icy water. When I am me, I am real. 

To meditate does not mean to fight

with a problem.

To meditate is to observe.

Your smile proves it.

It proves that you are being gentle

with yourself,

that the sun of awareness is shining in

you,

that you have control of your situation.

You are yourself,

and you have acquired some peace. 

  -  Thich Nhat Hahn

This is the mantra I recite. I think it may have some interesting significance with our course, and I felt like sharing it. 

These are not the only reasons why I think I align mostly with Dickinson, of course, but when I tried to pin down why I felt more comfortable with "just brain," this is what came to mind.