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wil's picture

habits and floors

anne,

back in my early twenties i struggled, battled and finally worked through my issues with instability in my life...you know the story; unsettling childhood, earthquakes and all. well, in my journaling i stumbled upon a mantra of sorts that i came back to over and over again hoping to make it a habit. it went something like:

    in order to move forward, you must first be standing still.

very taoist and given my interest in the tao i'm sure it is a precipitate of those hours studying the Tao Te Ching.

at the time, i was very set upon growing, changing for the better, but i did not equate movement with growth. if i was to move it had to come from a place of balance thereby facilitating purposeful gains. i even went so far as to think of my actions as scientific experiments testing hypotheses...it the actions worked/helped, then build on them, if not, go back to the drawing board.

looking back on all that, i believe i formed a useful habit. but a habit of process, not of escapism. i'm not sure most habits are liberatory. in fact, most of my core belief - skepticism, atheism, pluralism - are counter to conservatism which i connect with habits and traditions. but your turn made me think of my own habits of process and maybe those habits have liberated my mind to grow. i haven't told myself to stand and attend in a long while. perhaps, that is what gave me the courage to become a father...a new wide-open door.

cheers,
wil

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