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I can't quite figure out what you meant by "Felice Picano didn't seem too thrilled with the fight like Kate Bornstein"--did you mean that neither Picano, nor Bornstein, seemed "thrilled with the fight" for gay marriage, or did you mean that Bornstein seemed to be a proponent of gay marriage, and Picano wasn't? 

I think Bornstein was not actually against gay marriage (yes, despite having said, "Gay marriage, excuse me, sucks"). From what I can recall (or rather, checking my notes), she said, "I cry at weddings. I love weddings. I don't love the goverment stamp over everything." I think the thing was that she's against gay marriage being the big end-all/be-all for gay rights. Partly because she said that in terms of politics, we need to triage, and violence against women is the most pressing issue (she mentioned believing that all groups should put 15-20% of their energy toward ending violence against women). Gay rights groups only focusing on gay marriage means that other issues are ignored. 

She did believe, however, in people having the rights that go along with marriage; she put them into two categories: civil rights that people need with partners and civil rights that people need to raise children. She thought that both needed to be available to anyone who wants them. The issue with the big push for gay marriage is that there's a lot of people it won't help (for example, single parents).

And as to Picano, maybe I misunderstood him because I remember him as saying that gay marriage was the only issue gay people now have--except for maybe ending DADT. And I disagree really, really strongly with that idea.