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mcurrie's picture

Afraid

Every time I hear about the big bang and how the planets are still moving apart and then may even move toward each other and collapse I am flabbergasted.  I keep trying to get my mind around it but still can't. Then I wonder what are the other galaxy's like? And think there probably is some other living thing out there but I'm not going to get obsessed over it.  At first when you're little you hear about our galaxy and how our planet is only a small part of this large space.  At first I think, crap if the earth falls out of orbit were going to falling forever like in Alice in Wonderland or something.  Next i think I don't want to be floating I want the earth to be on something that won't let it fall.  Then when hearing about the universe I feel like a speck, unimportant and small.  Which is not a great feeling until I just forget about it and move on with life.  When we were in our groups on Thursday I love singing happy birthday to a dead guy that was an experience.  Then it was off to discussion and Prof. Grobstein asked us if we were okay with thinking that our lives were formed at random without a plan or some big guy like God saying this is how you will look and here is your life that I have decided, or something along those lines.  For me it depends on the time of day, some days I'm glad there is not ultimate plan that I have to follow. And other days I want my life to have some meaning to feel that I belong.  I guess right now I'm going back and forth between being afraid or comforted by the unknown.

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