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thoughts..

I thought the idea that a mood disorder could be a symptom was really interesting, and that by giving drugs, it would be dulling the symptom, and perhaps ignoring the real problem. If everything we feel might be a symptom, is the self, in the larger sense, the problem? Maybe we're sad because of something else going on, and maybe we can make that sadness go away with drugs, but if, under it all, the reason why we were sad stays the same, will the sadness manifest in another way? I'm a big believer in experiencing and feeling what we're meant to experience and feel. The thought of drugs scares me- it scares me that part of a person, that's maybe meant to be there, for some reason or another, can be removed, or covered. I want to believe that we are the way we are for actual reasons rather than randomness. I want to believe that maybe sometimes we're meant to be sad for awhile, if for nothing else, than to be able to empathize with and feel for someone else who may need help from someone who can relate.

I thought the talk therapy activity was interesting and difficult. I like being given ample time to consider different situations, especially when people are involved. I find that I either think things through in a million different ways, when given the time or in a one on one situation, but when put in groups, and especially under timed pressure, I go blank. I don't like saying things that don't have some sort of conscious foundation in my head in front of a group of people, since I like to be able to expand on and defend my views, and with the pressure of being in a group of people, unless I know why I'm doing what I'm doing, I know it'll be difficult to think out something the way I'd like to on the spot. I think it's also hard to genuinely tell someone you barely know why you think you can relate them to others in your life.

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