Reply to comment

Reading the DSD handbook for parents brought a lot of questions and ideas to mind. My general reaction to the document was that the handbook itself presented information and fielding frequently asked questions in a very reasurring manner; my problem lies with the types of questions and emotions "most parents" were dealing with. The intro to Chapter 1 of the handbook proves just how much sex and gender influence people's idea of social acceptance. We have a lot to learn from the parents' first reactions when they found out their children had some form of DSD. All the questions raised, brought up different and important issues, but the first three deal with categories most directly.

1. "Why me? Why my child?" When a child is born intersex, parents are forced to go through the process of deconstructing categories. This is the first moment that they have to confront the fact that there is another option out there, beyond the perfect pink and blue girl and boy labels for their baby. People don't like to break out of categories, because it leaves them confused and they feel like they/their child will not be accepted by society's strict rules. This ties into the final question, "Is there a way I can make all this go away?"

2. "Did I do something wrong?" I really hate this question, because when a parent asks if they did something wrong, they are implying that there is something wrong with their child. If the child is perfectly healthy, then there shouldn't be anything wrong. The only thing that's wrong is the inability of the parent to accept the fact that their child does not fit conventional stereotypes. I understand that it takes time to grapple through this, especially based on the conversations we've had in class, but the child will not feel normal until they are accepted by their parents. I also agree with Allie's point that the entire idea of DSD adds to this sentiment. Why is the deviation from the norm in regard to sex considered a disorder? If there really are multiple sexes, then why are two acceptable and the others are all "wrong"?

3. This question is the one that bothers me the most. "What if I can't love my child?" That's horrible! Parents who haven't even gotten to know their child are convincing themselves that SDS is something awful enough that it could possibly prevent them from loving their child. Social constructs should not be enough to cancel out a parent's love. Underneath it all, the individual child shoudl be what matters. Sex/gender is not really a defining factor in a person after all. Desdemona saw Cal as the same person immediately and accepted him as her grandson. Her consciousness was already stripped down to its base layer, so she could be objective. For others it would take time and thought in order for their ideas to break away from society, but they should be able to get to that point. In fact, I thought that was always the case. I never imagined that the sex/gender social construction would be SO opressive that it would sway new parents into believing that they couldn't love a child that didn't fit into either of the distinct categories.

This brings me to a conclusion that I've been searching for since the beginning of the course. As soon as I was taught to challenge the common definitions of feminism, I realized that I had no idea what feminism meant for me. At least for now, I think I've found an answer that works based on my belief system and the types of feminism that have been attributed to the subject matter in class. In my opinion, feminism is about equality in a sense of refuting categorization and destroying boundaries that are made socially. I agree with Sonal when she says that it doesn't necessarily have to concern "women". In that case does the term still work, or do we need a new one? People seem to use the term "feminism" in this way when it does not have to discuss the female. Why is that?

I also have some questions for Katie Baratz:

Are you a feminist?

Did you feel pressure to fit into the gender binary?

How did you feel when you learned about AIS when you were a teenager? Did you feel like your parents hid it from you until then? Did you feel like you deserved to know sooner?