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When I read this article in the New York Times, it made so much sense to me and explained my relationship issues almost to a T. In the article, it says that in certain situations, being dependent on a person can be beneficial, especially in times of hardship. For example, a couple that is highly dependent on each other will be much more anxiety ridden over a dispute than a couple in which the two people are more self-sufficient. In the dependent couple, there will be more of an effort to reconcile for fear of abandonment. It has also been found that more dependent people tend to do better in class because they are more likely to seek help from the professor. It is suggested that these dependent or self-sufficient traits originate from attachment styles that are acquired during childhood. Children who are less secure cling to their mother more whereas securely attached children are more able to explore and be independent of their mother.

From reading this article, it made me think about our conversations about choice. It can be said, if simply relying on the Emily Dickinson model, that attachment style is due to certain connections or pathways that are formulated in the brain during crucial stages of development. Therefore, do we really have a choice in the way we act in relationships if we are already pre-wired to feel a certain way? Can a dependent person learn to be more self-sufficient? If we are not able to adjust to certain situations or relationships, then what is the point of marital therapy? If two personalities clash and if we know that we have been programmed to act and feel certain ways, should we not then seek out others that will compliment our personality traits rather than struggle to change in order to make a relationship work?