In your heart, you already know...

Dearest Zen calendar,

Let’s see, where shall I begin…?

I am a freshwoman from South Portland, Maine, and to be quite frank I have never even considered myself a feminist, nor have I even given the issue much thought. I consider myself to be a rather naïve and non-political person. Yet, here I am at a women’s college, in a course titled Introduction to Critical Feminist Studies. Hmm. If you are half as confused as I am, you’d maybe understand just how out of place I might feel here. Most days, I find myself wondering why I am here…and why I am in this class. But, as my Zen calendar said the very first day I arrived here at Bryn Mawr, “In your heart, you already know.”

I specifically remember the first class I went to. After being ‘lotteried’ out of a Global Ethics course at Haverford, I noticed that this course was still open and on a whim decided to register. So, I trudged out to the English House for the very first time with my Bryn Mawr campus map in hand (you all were new to the campus at one time! Don’t judge!)on the Tuesday of the second week of classes and arrived fairly early. Okay. Really early. 9:50 AM. I took a seat and waited as people leisurely came in and filled the seats around me. I hadn’t yet finished Virginia Woolf’s Three Guineas (gasp!) nor had I even tried to figure out what the word “feminism” really meant. Finally, the class started and we began to talk about things that seemed way over my head. Of course I was asked to read this highly sexual poem out loud in front of the class, which actually wasn’t as daunting as I thought it might be. Then, someone mentioned first and second wave feminism, which I had never even heard of before. I embarrassingly “googled” the terms later that week…

For the next few classes, I came into class having done the reading, but found myself with nothing to say. I was initially just blown away by the different degrees of knowledge that everyone in the class has and how obvious their backgrounds and personal feelings on the issues of feminism are. I am a science person--I like math and I like going to chemistry labs…and yet here there were English majors all around me. It was wonderful, yet I felt like the black sheep (or shall I say black swan?). I specifically remember reading Linda S. Kauffman’s essay against personal testimony and absolutely agreeing with everything she had written…but it was undoubtedly out of inexperience. And then, of course, I came into class where the majority of the people were outraged by it. I guess that was the first moment of realization as to why I am here and why I am taking this course.

Anyways, feminism has a new meaning to me. I like to label Tuesdays and Thursdays as my “girl” days, mostly because the two classes that I have on these days are centered around females. My CSem happens to be titled “Females at Risk” which is scheduled immediately after this one. Essentially, the word “FEMALE” is shoved in my face for about three hours, which can be a tad bit overwhelming, especially when I have never paid much attention to the various issues surrounding women. But, it has potentially been the most empowering experience I have ever had.

Our most recent read in my CSem has been “My Year of Meats” and while I shall spare you from the entire summary of the book, seeing as how it touches upon several different themes for women in the twentieth and twenty-first centuries, I have never found it so hard to finish a book in my life. It makes me mad to read it, because the characters in the book don’t seem to ever stand up for their rights. Perhaps it is because I am starting to form my own opinions about various issues (my my!) or perhaps it is because I really do have an intense pride for being a women. (I remember telling someone about how insane it was for me to be in this class when I did even consider myself a feminist…and she replied to me, “If you go to Bryn Mawr…if you are a woman who is getting a higher education, you are a feminist.”)  Oh.

At any rate, I know that I am taking this class for a reason and although I don’t necessarily have much to contribute at this stage in the semester, I have found that things are starting to stir. I am particularly excited (and intimidated, might I add) by the idea of having upper-classmen along with us four freshman because it really allows us to find some insight in these intense ideas and theories that we continue to discuss. I suppose that I am interested in perhaps finding some issues that are…well, more in tune to issues that women face today. What does the modern feminist theory say?

On another note, thanks to all who have taught me so much thus far in the class.

From,

your Zen calendar reader