sara.gladwin's blog

I tried writing in rhemode for this because despite how I didn’t necessarily agree with Bohm, I do think the way in which he proposes we use language is interesting, both in sound and in the thought behind it. I think there is a significant difference between the two versions, both in length, sound and meaning.

This was my original opening paragraph from my Thoreauvian essay: “I tried to begin this essay several times by describing why I started my walk where I did, but finally came to the realization that I did not actually have a reason. I had been hesitant to begin my Thoreauvian walk and I wasn’t quite sure why. I felt like it should be such an easy thing, to take a walk. However, I couldn’t get myself to begin. I would feel an uncomfortable tightening in my stomach, almost bordering on fear. I felt silly, why would I fear something so simple as walking? As I thought more, I realized what I feared was not the walk itself but having to be “directionless.” I was scared to clear my mind, to expect nothing. I felt the need to control the walk, to ensure that I had something valuable to say at the end of the experience. As I thought about our class discussions revolving around fear and bugs, I realized the only way to let go was to begin, and not think about how or where”

This is my RE- writing:

Initiation was attempted regarding walking,

however realizations occurred that there was no reason, ire-initation.

Re-initation of walking through writing  …

I tried to begin this essay several times by describing why I started my walk where I did, but finally came to the realization that I did not actually have a reason. I had been hesitant to begin my Thoreauvian walk and I wasn’t quite sure why. I felt like it should be such an easy thing, to take a walk. However, I couldn’t get myself to begin. I would feel an uncomfortable tightening in my stomach, almost bordering on fear. I felt silly, why would I fear something so simple as walking? As I thought more, I realized what I feared was not the walk itself but having to be “directionless.” I was scared to clear my mind, to expect nothing. I felt the need to control the walk, to ensure that I had something valuable to say at the end of the experience. As I thought about our class discussions revolving around fear and bugs, I realized the only way to let go was to begin, and not think about how or where. So as I walked out of Haffner after having lunch, I suddenly realized I had never actually been inside the Haffner dorm. I knew I needed to explore the inside of Haffner. It took at least twenty minutes of wandering to realize that I was wandering. Instead of forcing myself to walk, I had somehow managed to be on my walk accidently. Surprisingly, it was easier then I thought to get lost. There ended up being so much to see I created an online album of pictures I took during the walk.

As I was reading “Offending Women” I started to draw some similarities and differences from the article we read for Jody’s class, “Suspending Damage: A Letter to Communities” by Eve Tuck. Both the Need-based system and Desire based system claimed to do similar things in the way in which it reframes the way we approach women offenders. Both claim to align themselves with the marginalized in their ability to attend to their needs/desires. However, the Alliance’s institution itself seemed more to be a situation that was filled with implicit codes of dependency, disguised under the rhetoric of a needs/desire based system. They maintained power and interdependency between the women and the institution by claiming to know and attend to the “girl’s real needs.” Unlike a desire-based system, they did not bother to ask what the mothers needed. Furthermore, the implications of desire and need have more subtle but significant distinctions.  A desire does not necessarily have to be a need; a need is something deemed more necessary for living. The word need itself is limited; whereas desire can account for possibilities and hope. Need implies one only requires the bare minimum to survive, while desire leaves much more room for more abstract needs as well- such as happiness or mental stability. While I realize this may sound idealistic, I think both kinds of needs and desires are necessary.

Something that really fascinated me on our field trip that I don’t think we have really talked about in class yet are the possibilities of art in relationship to the process of healing and reconciliation.  This intersection seemed especially prevalent the mural arts tour. I was pleasantly surprised by the multiplicity represented in the murals, ranging from nurses, children, offenders/victims, and students. There seemed to be so much freedom involved in the concept of a mural, which can simultaneously represent a particular group of people and still include other people through its visibility. Another aspect I found interesting was the emphasis that the murals were not “owned” by the Mural Arts Group or any one artist. At first I felt strange about this; I felt that it would be frustrating to put so much effort and money into creating something only to have it obscured by the construction of a new building or someone who decides simply to paint over the mural. However, the more I thought about it, the more I recognized the importance of relinquishing “ownership.” In doing so, there is more room for the community itself to take ownership of the murals; there is a sense of something shared. They are there both to serve the community and to draw others into an awareness of that community. For one person or select group to take ownership of a mural would be a disruption to the unity created by the art itself.

I have been thinking a lot about how I can incorporate silence into my daily routine.  I think if I can be more comfortable in silence I will be able to experience more fully, rather than distancing myself from an experience by constantly reflecting, interpreting and assigning it language.

Language has been something we’ve been considering in all three classes, and so language has been in the back of my mind while doing most of the readings. I especially noticed language when I was considering the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy reading. I couldn’t stop thinking about the importance of the rhetoric we use to help shape ideas and formulate the way we see people. The language of the cognitive behavioral therapy paper really seemed like an important factor in how patients are treated; the underlying assumption is that all those who engage in deviant and antisocial behavior are mentally unsound and must be rehabilitated with particular methods to lead them toward a path of stability. I felt like the words chosen were so revealing: “dysfunctional” “anti-social” “irrational” “thinking error.” The last one especially struck me as interesting; it felt as though what was being discussed was not a human being but a computer or piece of machinery. I felt like there was an overwhelming sense of negativity that surrounded the words and implied something general and “true” about the offender’s internal dialogue and behavior. There was a sense that simply rehabilitating someone’s behavior would solve all of their problems in the “outside world” and I have trouble swallowing that. I think it does not speak to the depth of reasons behind criminal activity.

Things I wrote down while I was observing:

-Lawn mower is so loud

-Girl went past on a scooter

-Everyone is walking so fast at this time in the morning, including Max who is afraid she will be late to class

-Seeing Max reminds me of where the wild things are

-This spot makes me reminiscent

-Why would I pick a spot so noisy, so full of distractions

-I guess I like the distractions and welcome them

-All the landscaping is so clearly defined

-Uncomfortable in the sense that your back will always be vulnerable to something, to being watched. I wish that I could be all seeing.

- I keep picking at fragments of conversation. I’m feeling rather voyeuristic; I am both interested in the talk that is happening as people walk by and at the same time I feel like an intruder.

-Turning to look at Thomas and my view is obscured by trees.

-Should I be trying to observe in Rheomode?

-Stop trying to analyze

Reflections about my space (which I also made while sitting there):

I am really struggling with the idea of distance learning, brought up in Jones and Errico’s discussion about Prison education. In a practical sense, learning through technology seems more cost effective and as though it would allow for a much wider range of what inmates could be learning about. I definitely like the idea of prisoners having more available to them to learn from. Especially when considering what we have been discussing in class about the implicit ways in which we are taught in classrooms, a distance style learning seems as though it would be more likely to encourage independence and freedom of thought. Jones and Errico cite another author when talking about this: “Concepts such as “University without walls” and “Open University,” for example (Robinson 1977), bespeak the desire to decentralize learning in order to reach special populations and emphasize self-directed and prior learning at the expense of traditional instruction.” I definitely understand the value in being able to learn in way that is least likely to be biased by the language used in a traditional classroom. However, I can’t shake the feeling that this type of distance learning can also be limited, and that there is something desirable about being able to learn from another human being. I especially cannot help but to feel that not having classmates could be a terribly isolating experience. Maybe it is different in the sense that prisoners are already very isolated ?

Representation for others seems to be an inescapable thing, both in language and in life. We are represented by others politically, academically and in media. When Beyoncé sings “Run the World (Girls)”, she sings “Work my 9 to 5/ better cut my check/ this goes out to all the women getting it in” in attempt to speak to working women; however she herself does not work a typical 9 to 5 job. Representation pervades our lives in a way that seems unavoidable. We as students are constantly being spoken for- many of the articles we have been reading about education speak for us and attempt to dissect and interpret the desires of students; our desires. Even if the point of the article is to say that students should not have to be constantly redefined into a representation; there is still a certain degree to which we are not only being spoken for but assumed as a unified category. “Students” itself feels simplified; there is so much diversity that is made invisible by this generalization. This seems to be one of the main problematic side effects of representation, in addition with misrepresentation and misinterpretation.  Even as I write this, I am aware of the implications of using “we” and “our” to refer to people on a general level, and that I myself am attempting to speak for others. My reference to Beyoncé is beginning to feel like a transgression in the sense that I assume a particular interpretation of her words and that I assume she does not work a 9 to 5 job. 

Hi- I had trouble uploading my avatar but here is the photo I would eventually like to use:

This is an eye that I drew this past summer, which I'd like to use both because I think eyes can be symbols of observation and envisionment. I also decided to use it because it was personal to me, as something that I had drawn myself. I also could not figure out how to get the picture to be right side up.....