April 1, 2016 - 11:40
I have learned, and am still learning, how to fully embrace discomfort. Working at CCW and with the participants has opened my eyes to insecurities and prejudices I didn't eve know I had. My interactions with participants has evolved from over-analyzing every word, motion, and sound to just being and communicating naturally. On day one, I was absolutely terrified. I wanted them to like me and I didn't want to say anything wrong. So, I filtered everything I said and when I couldn't understand something that they said, I would excersise every other option before asking them to repeat themselves in fear of creating an awkward situation. But, after a few weeks, I began to form relationships. Situations that used to make me feel uncomfortable, now made me feel connected. I began to understand little quirks that they had and they began to understand the same of me. Mary taught me about soap operas, Ken kept me up to date on movies coming out and the latest news, John made me laugh, and Tim Quinn always kept us on track and on time. There soon was a sibtle change in my life and throughout the week I would see or hear things and think of how I couldn't wait to tell the a certain participant. These people were becoming large parts of my life. Going to CCW was theraputic for me because I got to learn how to sew and finger knit beside people who I would now call my friends. I have made jokes, shared laughs, and fostered relationships I hadn't thought possible. Where disability was originally the focal point, it is now an aside. Little things are different, like how fast we walk places, but it is no longer a barrier in communication. There is no hierarchy with the undisabled people at the top. When people ask me now where I go for two hours every Thursday, I dont say my original response which was "An art center where people with intellectual, physical, and developmental disabilities work." Instead, I go on for about 5 minutes about Mary, Ken, John, and Tim Quinn letting their personalities, stories, and art shape mine and others' understanding of CCW and what it is that I really get to do every Thursday for 2 hours.
CCW is a place where I have re-learned how to communicate, interact, and create art. In doing so, I have become more aware of my own being and more confident in myself.