December 18, 2014 - 19:30
Selena Martinez
ESEM
Reflection Paper
12/16/14
Self-Evaluation and Reflection
There was a part of me that realized this semester’s discussion was going to revolve around the contact zone, but what I did not realize was that the “environment” part was going to involve the actual environment and not just the current setting we are in. This alone explains part of the ignorance I had upon my entrance into the course. Diving into the contact zone opened my eyes to the multiple connections that exist between human lives and Mother Nature’s creations. Although we know through some common knowledge that we are each linked through our actions, it is incredibly easy to only focus on one’s self. This course altered the depth in which I analyzed my actions as well as the actions of others. It triggered a deeper sense of awareness and ultimately proved that while ignorance is bliss for the moment, consciousness can lead to a more fruitful way of living.
Through the first few discussions, I found myself quiet and intimidated by my fellow peers because of their ability to quickly and effectively answer questions in the classroom. I second guessed every thought that passed through my mind, afraid that my answer would not be as great as the others in class. This leap between high school and college left me wondering if I was the mistake the college admissions made. But that quickly changed when our discussion touched upon the reading The Ones Who Walk Away from Ormelas. This fictional piece spoke to me on a very personal level. While reading it I identified the locked up child as my older brother who suffers from schizophrenia and the rest of the society of Ormelas as the outsiders that choose not to partake in my brother’s life out of convenience. Although this was not something I wanted to share with the class, I was able to share part of my perspective. I did not believe in walking away from someone that was suffering an injustice and instead proposed the idea of challenging the societal norms and releasing the suffering child to see what would happen. This was an opinion I stood by without hesitance, but it had a lot to do with the fact that I want to save everyone that is living in oppression or some form of injustice. However as our class continued, readings such as Ravens at Play and The White Savior Complex made me strongly reconsider my values and realize the serious damage I could be inflicting by interfering too much in other contact zones. My intense desire to help those that I consider to need assistance may very well suffer more because of my impulsive emotions. As the transition led into a larger discussion about the impact of our actions in these contact zones and how they could negatively impact the environment such as Kolbert’s book The Sixth Extinction, it made me seriously question where that left our human curiosity and productivity and if limitations indeed were required.
While this contact zone contemplation often times weighed me down, it was interesting to see the ways our classroom discussion could either clarify the topic or complexify the ideas further. The way in which we handled the discussions helped lower the initial nerves in the classroom to speak and made me feel as if I was simply engaging in a larger conversation with friends. And the final reading that brought attention to the importance of animation made me reconsider how effective those moments were where we were asked to recreate a frozen moment of what the author’s were trying to argue and when we were asked to present the different aspects of play we discovered in our readings. The online portion may have been the biggest downfall for me only because it reinstalled the intimidation I had at the beginning of the semester, but refocused it to academic writing capabilities. However, the days my short postings were later than majority of the class, it felt good to go through everyone’s thoughts and see where they connected. It almost resembled the nostalgic feeling one gets when scrolling down Reddit which is also an online conversational thread. Writing the posts and writing the papers were two completely different stories. It’s easy to project ones thoughts, but when asked to stretch an idea and back it up with evidence gets tricky. I often times found myself with scattered ideas frustrated with multiple attempts to create transitions. This changed to my surprise when I began applying the way we listed our ideas in the classroom to the drafts of my papers. Presenting my thoughts in a web format may seem extremely horrifying on paper to others, but it actually helped me remember where the bridge connected to various ideas and the breaking down of an argument. That technique comes in very handy for essays now, but it still takes me countless of hours to write a paper.
The webbing actually played a big role in the 10- week project especially when I realized that was not only was I going completely off track, but there was no identified plan that I wanted to break down and thoroughly investigate. Webbing served as a constant reminder as to what ideas my partner and I discussed and how it was going to bring us to bigger questions. Researching how the consumption of cosmetics affected the contact zone was perhaps one of the scariest journeys I’ve undergone with self-discovery. The more case studies I researched the more I realized how manipulated I had been by the cosmetic companies. Part of the research actually tied back into my ethics class and the topic of femininity as an institution designed to oppress females by setting up social norms to identify their inferiority, but this was further complexed by the way gender, sex and identity are now changing and also adopting the culture of cosmetics. This then led me to the most eye opening moment of the study of conspicuous consumption and how much it actually applied to my life. Being homeless multiple times in high school, I never allowed it to show on the surface. There was never a day that my clothes and cosmetics were not complementary worthy. I attempted all I could to blend in and avoid questions. This project made me face my past with a different perspective and further understand how society makes judgment calls. Our final slide on the presentation was only another question in this search to find out why humans value these products. This was a project that could no way have just one answer which additionally adds to the emphasis of how the contact zone has multiple factors.
Overall this class was intensely challenging in terms of work load, reading, and the conversations we were expected to have. There were multiple moments I had to pause and refrain from thinking too much about the topic related to past decisions and whether or not that affected the morals I claimed to have. Investigating the contact zone in how it truly does change stories, shift identities and impacts the environment is a lesson that is going to continue to grow as I form new questions about what I interact with such as the plane I am currently sitting on my way back to Houston, Texas. Everything is now a contact zone and I can only hope that my curiosity will not be counterproductive.