Serendip is an independent site partnering with faculty at multiple colleges and universities around the world. Happy exploring!
Lonely Madness: The Effects of Solitary Confinement and Social Isolation on Mental and Emotional Health
Biology 202, Spring 2005
Third Web Papers
On Serendip
Lonely Madness: The Effects of Solitary Confinement and Social Isolation on Mental and Emotional Health
Carly Frintner
By Carly Frintner
Paper #3 for Neurobiology and Behavior, Spring 2005
Professor Paul Grobstein
I began to research the effects of solitary confinement on prisoners' behavior while thinking about the ways in which we isolate ourselves from others, or are isolated by others in our daily lives. I cherish and am very protective of my own chosen moments of solitude, but I also know that long periods of time alone can send me into a depressive state, or make me feel like I'm going crazy. More specifically, a kind of panic sets in when I realize I'm alone with my thoughts with no one to affirm or deny the validity of what I'm thinking. When I'm by myself for too long, I start to question my own understanding of reality—of who I really am and what the world is really like. I need interactions with other people because they are such a significant part of how I understand and enjoy my life and my reason for living. All people seem to depend on varying amounts and intensities of social interaction to keep them happy, stable, and sane. This is not surprising given that human beings are social animals by nature.
Human beings are also naturally curious. Drastically reducing the amount of "normal social interaction, of reasonable mental stimulus, of exposure to the natural world, of almost everything that makes life human and bearable, is emotionally, physically, and psychologically destructive" (2) because it denies us the ability to ask questions and seek reasons and information to form explanations that allow us to understand ourselves as well as our world and our place and purpose in the world. It is logical that we feel less stable and secure overall when the things that our brain and body rely on to connect to and understand our surroundings are taken away from us.
In class, we have occasionally discussed how we check in with other people to get an understanding of ourselves. In one extreme example, we recalled a final scene of the movie "A Beautiful Mind" in which Professor John Nash asked a student to verify that there was a man standing there talking to him. Because Nash's schizophrenia often caused him to hallucinate, he relied on other people to assure him what he was seeing was not just his own reality, but the reality of the world (including other people). We all do this to a certain degree, though probably to check much less subtle information than whether a person is or is not actually a hallucination.
Out of the more than 20,000 prisoners in the United States, about 2% are currently living in "super maximum security ("supermax") facilities or units. Prisoners in these facilities typically spend their waking and sleeping hours locked in small, sometimes windowless, cells sealed with solid steel doors. A few times a week they are let out for showers and solitary exercise in a small, enclosed space. Supermax prisoners have almost no access to educational or recreational activities or other sources of mental stimulation and are usually handcuffed, shackled and escorted by two or three correctional officers every time they leave their cells. Assignment to supermax housing is usually for an indefinite period that may continue for years." (2)
I have sometimes gone for hours and even days with very minimal human contact. As a result, I experienced anxiety, depression, and a feeling of being disconnected from the world around me, even though I had complete freedom to go wherever I wanted. Prisoners who are isolated for prolonged periods of time have been known to experience "depression, despair, anxiety, rage, claustrophobia, hallucinations, problems with impulse control, and/or an impaired ability to think, concentrate, or remember." (2) Studies have also shown that isolation can cause "impaired vision and hearing... tinnitus [(ringing in the ears)], weakening of the immune system, amenorrhea [(absence of menstrual periods in women)], premature menopause... and aggressive behavior in prisoners, volunteers and animals." (1)
Previously healthy prisoners have "develop[ed] clinical symptoms usually associated with psychosis or severe affective disorders" (2) including "all types of psychiatric morbidity." (4) Many have committed suicide.
Individuals do vary in how well they can deal with living in isolation, however. (4) For prisoners with pre-existing mental or emotional disorders, living without normal human interaction, physical and mental activity and stimulation can aggravate their symptoms to levels equivalent to torture. (2), (3) In one complaint filed against the Connecticut Department of Correction in August 2003, social isolation and sensory deprivation drove some prisoners to "lash out by swallowing razors, smashing their heads into walls or cutting their flesh." (3)
It is difficult if not impossible to pinpoint the exact reasons why social isolation and sensory deprivation in solitary confinement situations causes mental and emotional breakdown in prisoners. However, in addition to the stimuli and interactions they are denied, we might also consider how people's minds are affected by others controlling every aspect of their lives, from where they are and how long they will be there to how much food they get and when, to light and noise levels, to what possessions they are allowed to have, to when or if their clothes, bedding and rooms are cleaned, to when and if they get to have fresh air.
How does the absolute denial of freedom, the denial of any kind of personal power or influence over one's life, affect the way he thinks, feels and acts? Certainly the impact is different for each person. But are there patterns across cultures and time in how slaves, prisoners, people living under a dictator, and children grounded by their parents react similarly to the denial of freedom? Are the patterns in reactions solely human, or do they extend to other animals, for instance, animals that are caged or otherwise restricted in pet stores, zoos or circuses? Do all animals, including human beings, feel and understand injustice on some level and therefore react to it similarly? Or are humans reduced to more stereotypically animalistic behavior when they are trapped and controlled? "In some states, the conditions are so extreme-e.g., lack of windows, denial of reading material, a maximum of three hours a week out-of-cell time, lack of outdoor recreation-that they can only be explained as reflecting an unwillingness to acknowledge the inmates' basic humanity." (2) Can people retain their humanity without the constant affirmation of their humanity through positive contact with other human beings? How do human beings' behaviors and thought processes shift when the human beings around them refuse to accept their shared humanity?
I am thinking more about the brain's needs based on my research on this particular topic. The physical, mental and emotional effects of living in solitary confinement seem to be beyond the control of the person experiencing them. It seems that the brain needs a certain quantity, quality, or type of stimuli to help regulate, direct and prioritize thought processes and other brain functions properly. It could mean that without certain (or enough) stimuli, the level of random activity in the nervous system increases—such as brain activity that causes hallucinations.
When inputs are all coming from the same place, parts of the unconscious experience the same inputted information differently because they are all interpreting the information with different randomness. The randomness helps us make connections between sets of inputted information and our own prior knowledge to ultimately create a story that explains our situation and surroundings. This story informs the "I"-function, which allows us to experience and understand the situation/surroundings personally. (5)
In an environment with very minimal stimulation, such as a prison cell, the randomness with which the unconscious explores the environment continues, although it is unclear whether randomization increases when fewer stimuli are reaching the brain. Perhaps the brain attempts to compensate for stimuli it is missing by creating stimuli of its own, that is, by increasing random activity. Either way, when the brain is not receiving much input from the environment, there is little information based in reality that the unconscious can focus on or try to interpret. The story reported back to the "I"-function is more likely informed by more random connections than real facts about reality because reality is not offering enough stimuli to make a coherent story. This helps explain why people often experience mental and emotional breakdowns and psychotic episodes when in solitary confinement for extended periods of time.
References
1)F-Type Isolation Prisons in Turkey
2)Supermax Prisons: An Overview
3)Lawsuits Attack Isolated Prison Conditions for Mentally Ill , Mental Health Law Weekly; Prison Health. April 2, 2005.
4)Isolation and Mental Health, NHS National Electronic Library for Health.
5) The Brain's Images: Co-Constructing Reality and Self , Paul Grobstein. May 2002. (And conversation May 2005.)
6) Isolation, Breakdowns and Mysterious Injections. , Vikram Dodd, Richard Norton-Taylor and Rosie Cowan. January 26, 2005. From The Guardian (UK), via Common Dreams News Center.
7) Mental Issues in Long-Term Solitary and "Supermax" Confinement., Craig Haney.
Comments made prior to 2007
If mankind can be identified as a social animal, it seems absolute that involuntary social isolation from whatever source can be deemed cruel and unusual punishment, whether in a home under a parent, spouse, in a work environment with overly regimented rules that ignore human needs, or in institutional settings where what is seen, heard, felt, etc. is all controlled by someone else. To be sure, it isn't autonomy, and one would expect that adverse physiological and mental effects would be the outcome of that environment. Consider for example, the isolation of girls or boys in trafficking or prostitution where they are not allowed out at all.
Much different from self imposed isolation, but perhaps not free from ill effects; consider the Howard Hughes case where fear prevented him from social engagement.
In theory, the principle of R&R for the military is to reduce the high intensity concentration of rigid over-regimentation that is required in wars, and therefore, requires some consideration of the human features of physical and mental requirements of humans.
Humans are universal in these needs, but humanity sometimes doesn't recognize these basics, and act accordingly, or permit ourselves the humanity to insure that this facility is respected, and acknowledged in order to make that possible.
To the best extent of our capability, the concept of being human is rarely discussed, planned for, etc., and quite often, humans are left to their own devices without sufficient liberty insurance to help themselves. What is inhumane or not is not a matter of perspective but what is universally recognized as necessary, as it would be for any other primate, or animal.
To suggest that community health is a community affair would not be wrong in that case, and it applies regardless of circumstances. Humans, like all other animals have needs, and perhaps, as much, if not more than other animals ... Pat, 10 May 2007
Remote Ready Biology Learning Activities
Remote Ready Biology Learning Activities has 50 remote-ready activities, which work for either your classroom or remote teaching.
About Student Papers
| This paper reflects the research and thoughts of a student at the time the paper was written for a course at Bryn Mawr College. Like other materials on Serendip, it is not intended to be "authoritative" but rather to help others further develop their own explorations. Web links were active as of the time the paper was posted but are not updated. |
What's New? Subscribe to Serendip Studio
A Random Walk
New Topics
-
2 weeks 5 days ago
-
2 weeks 5 days ago
-
7 weeks 5 hours ago
-
7 weeks 3 days ago
-
7 weeks 5 days ago
Comments
Isolation....
Hi guys.....
I am widowed, I'm 43......
My doctor said I haven't developed properly and he's right, I come from a very academic family, who, through no fault of their own, are unable to provide emotional support, warmth or love.
For years I wanted their love and approval, especially after traumatic events, subconsciously I started to try and get my unmet needs met in other places. Usually men, I didn't know how to form close, healthy friendships without losing myself or getting too attached.
Pure heart, non-ego love is the answer. Self compassion, giving, diet has a huge efffect on mood. I bought every natural supplement available. But, as humans, I feel we need closeness to others, to feel connection, now more than ever....we can have an impact on every person we meet, set examples, you know how you feel when someone is so nice to you?
If I could personally visit each and every one of you with healthy food, a smile, an ear to listen, a hug, to give you some hope, to help you let go of your past, whatever it takes, I would. Every thought you have, everything you write, it all creates your reality....support each other to make this world a better place.
This is not meant to sound patronising, far from it......I've had breakdowns, suicide attempts, lots of instability, I understand, not everything, I can't feel exactly what you're feeling, but.....I have so much love to give and I want to help the world be a better place.
Much love to you all, Jackie x
Agony plz let go..
41, female, social butterfly, life of the party, always laughing...now my wings have been clipped, there is no party and all I do is cry.. Ive moved with my husband to an AFB in Shaw, SC and have a 17 yr old son who is ready to finish high school and move back to AZ our home town (were ALL our family is) I have gone to having a FT job, a best friend, a full sch of things to do... to living in a town with nothing, NO job and no friends. I don't care to make friends with any of the "girls" on this base as they all have lots of "babies" I don't really care for kids, i don't want to sit around their house and listen to them bitch about their kids and how hard their life is (why did you have so many damn kids then) I also don't care to get to know them as they tend to talk about each other and at 41 i don't have the time for that. I don't drink so I don't go to to clubs and the few times I have it has lead to the women I have went with acting "less then Married" I don't cheat on my husband and will not hang out with people who do, so that scratch those girls..I don't want to go out and volunteer for anything because to be very honest as I am not hear to lie... people piss me off, and I would most likely tell someone off.. I don't want to go out there and work for free, yet the places in this town want to pay 10hr for a job i was doing in AZ at 18hr.. I am at a lost for words and find myself sitting at home mad that I have left a job, my bestfriend, my family. to come out here to a town full of nothing, willing to pay nothing. OH and the husband... deployed.. and if he is home he is playing video games....
Living on a mountain....YUK!
I moved from central London to a cottage on a mountain 18 yrs ago. Had bought it for holidays etc and decided to try it full time. Realised my mistake within a month but could not get back to the city. Could not find work and husband was out all day working, daughter at school...eventually, I had a bad breakdown. My already shattered nerves could not cope when my lifeline ( my mother) died suddenly...however, she knew that I had become unwell and urged me to come back to London but I was unable to make decisions as I was so depressed and had gotten used to my cage, just as animals do. Eventually it seems a 'safe' place.
I Had stayed in the house too much and could not drive or pass my licence...It just rained and rained and rained
My nerves deteriorated so much that within 4 months, I could barely make sense of my world. The breakdown lasted around 4 months and then I came out of it. Still could not find work though.
Eventually, we opened a business together and the isolation vanished as I was seeing new people every day....now,,,
the business has gone bust, daughter is grown up and moved on and husband is back working and I find myself alone from morning to night and cannot find work around here. Feeling depressed and have had a couple of panic attacks with tetana...husband not supportive..he just wants to go out to work and then go running..............
I can drive however but just driving around aimlessly is boring.
Isolation is dangerous. I am going to give myself until the autumn to have found work and if not, I am OFF!
Am going to volunteer for something to do but find myself spending far too much time online, drifting around the net and playing online scrabble. I trained as a counsellor during my years up here and am going to give myself a good talking to!
reply to living on a mountain
Hi. I'm sad for you. I remember when I was a Northern Catholic city girl living in Southern Baptist rural Alabama. Our little girl had been hit by a car and killed. I went on to have a third little boy, but my marriage was a mess. Everything was a mess! Then on day a man on television asked us to say a prayer and I did and I was born again. That was the beginning of the healing of my marriage and myself (my husband never bonded with his father and had "issues" because of it). The one suggestion I would make is to try to run, too. Exercise is the only way to diffuse stress. I know you won't do very well at first, but just do your best each day and you will get better at it. God does care and I do, too. Love, Midg
Volunteer!
If you have the spare time find a place to volunteer. I work with an animal rescue group and the animals are always in need of help, being walked, etc...if you can find the time then please find a group/shelter/etc to go to daily. There are people around and you can help animals in need at the same time. I live in the states and we board dogs at a doggy daycare. We always need people to walk the rescued dogs and just give them some cuddle time. It is a business so there are people all around. Anything is better than sitting in isolation. If you aren't into animals...perhaps there is a senior center that you can volunteer at?
For those alone
I think perhaps we should all speak to one another.
If we are all alone, we know how each other feel, correct?
We understand each other, and we wish for people who understand each other as well.
Perhaps you were just making your voice heard to be able to feel like someone is listening and someone may respond. This is my response to all of you who wish for others to speak with and be with.
Involuntary Isolation
I agree on talking to one another. That's part of the problem, no one to really speak with. I cherish my private think time, but I also need a balance of meaningful, consistent, social interaction - emotional intimacy.
Some days the major contact is the clerk at the store. Superficial contact is better than none, but I also want someone with whom we can be emotionally intimate. No one to say, "how about a cup of coffee?" Flitting around to "Meet-up" groups, or wine bars is painful, but I try that too. Hopefully, I will find a fit. I have too many years left to live in forced isolation. No family, no friends, no job makes new connections extremely difficult. Most people think "older" women (I am a young and vibrant 64) should be comfortable with memories. I have always been active physically, socially, mentally - until now. As written earlier, I am left with only my own thoughts - no one to share with.
I had a marriage on paper for over a decade before I "gave up". We had no children. I retired early (a bad decision in hindsight) from a successful career, divorced, moved to a new state for economical reasons (i.e. loss of home, loss of the few acquiantences I had, loss of a way of life, loss of an economic lifestyle, loss of cultural activities, loss of accessible mountains and ocean, loss of weather...). The year of my divorce, I lost my mother too. In 3 years, I was settled and felt the desire for a companion. I met an old love but after 8 months, he disappeared, leaving me with a renewed desire for connection. I liked the attention, affection. I had no idea of the prejudice that exists regarding "older" women in the current dating world. Men my age want women 10-15 years younger, or more (Viagra?). Believe it! I moved to a state that is far too conservative and "down home". Born in NYC and having lived 23 yrs in LA, I am not a "Southern Belle" and that's been pointed out (I've been told I don't understand the "southern way" and will never fit in!) I've had several 1st dates - been "tested" by what I can only assume are fearful, hurt men. I tried Church, but I am not a housewife, apart of a family unit, or have grandchildren. Nor does my life evolve around church or crafts. Trying to find someone to play tennis with, or going to a museum, or car ride is like pulling teeth. I volunteered for 3 yrs as an advocate for foster children - that is an isolated job with minimal contact with the families, social workers, therapists, and court proceedings. Art classes are individual performers with some socialization. Local (volunteer) theater ended up with me arriving 1/2 before everyone for set-up and 1/2 hour later for teardown - with little interaction in between. Not the comraderie I hoped for. The gym is filled with individuals. Bunco is silly, but I try that - again, I don't fit with the moms and grandmothers. I spend tremendous wasted time on online dating sites, and looking for activities to socialize in. I am so uncomfortable with all these exercises - but I don't want to be isolated. Running around, I am losing who I am. I am getting very tired of doing things by myself. I've gone into a major depression and struggle daily with the near total isolation. Suggestions? I have considered moving, but I think the age stigma will follow. Stuck, isolated and losing my mind.
Just found this site today,
Just found this site today, because I was researching the topic of Isolation, to see if the symptoms matched some of my clients psyche. Not sure if you are interested in communicating? I am 64 also, gave up on the dating scene years ago, but you are right, the men our age want the younger ones, that is if they can perform? And now there are reports that Viagra causes cancer, well hope the few seconds were worth it? Anyway, I live on the opposite side of the continent and no not gay, just celibate by choice and really no time to play. Dedicated my remaining years to helping abused children for as long as I can physically perform my duties. Cheers. It this is private and you are interested in writing, I will send my email address to you. If not happy hunting, Cheers! You sound like a nice lady.
Reply
Hi Braveheart,
Your current situation of "Involuntary isolation" sounds like a hell on earth. I understand how it feels to be isolated and not by choice either, although we both do have free will and there is always a solution or a series of actions that we may need to take to make a change. If i were in your situation i would relocate, go somewhere i have always loved if thats the ocean or a village in the mountains. Its hard, i need to move although i am unemployed and have no family or friends really. Everyday i am alone. I force myself to stay on task, to continue applying for work, looking for courses to do and classes to take, although it becomes so draining and i soon find myself also lapsing into a state of depression. I can't write here anymore, i am unsure if anyone will even read it. I hope everything works out for you. In terms of your concern about the age stigma following you, it will and you know what the men who reject you based on your age are not worthy of your beauty and depth of character for they do not understand or see beneath the social expectations and perceptions of "beauty". I am not the best person to be giving advice or inspiration tonight i am a neurotic mess and was reading this page as a form of self-help therapy. Stay strong and true to yourself, life will get better.
professional isolation
I have an interesting take on this.
I am a social butterfly by nature but I currently run a small retail store. I work 11 hour shifts alone, and I can go days without seeing customers. making matters worse, the store is all white.
I have noticed that while I used to love having time to myself, I now dread it. I can start to blow things out of proportion in my head, and imagine problems where there are none while at work. I am also constantly checking email, facebook, and other forum for human interaction.
I never imagined this would be such a problem but after a year I can feel it's affected me. I've learned a lot about myself but I'm also afraid the borderline paranoia will start to leak out when I'm not at work.
Paranoia and lonliness?
I am beginning to wonder if loneliness causes paranoia. The more time I spend by myself in my house, the more afraid of random happenings I become. At night I carry around a large object in case of anything that may try to harm me, as ridiculous as it seems to me in the morning when I wake up and remember it. I fear people and public places and will keep to the edges away from other humans as best as I can, even though I want to talk to people and be social at the same time. I wish I weren't so scared of everything, but I cannot help myself and I take things that are no big deal and make them into huge matters in my head. In the other direction, things that I should deem important seem of little or no consequence, even when I know they're important- they just don't seem to matter. How do I fix this? This is affecting my life in serious ways, and I am beginning to make mistakes that I cannot fix because of it.
Thank you.
same here
mr salesman,
I can relate. Before my office job of 2 years, I was a very sociable person, and I seemed to enjoy life a lot more. Sitting in a chair on the computer, not talking to anyone all day, has had an extraordinarily negative effect on my psyche.
As you mentioned, I too have found out a lot about myself. However, it has come at a price. Paranoia has crept into my skull, and it seems like some sort of demon beats my self esteem down because of my over thinking all of the time. My hairline is receding tremendously now, and I am losing my hair due to stress related to the confinement of my job.
It's horrible and I hate it, but I need to pay bills. I am working very hard to get out of the position. I recommend you do the same.
Also, my suggestion is to listen to positive music as much as possible. Negative music tends to worsen the situation.
Sincerely,
Michael Bolton
Not scientific...
Gee, let me think, if I was getting dropped into a super-max and given my choice, I would PREFER solitary confinement for 30 years than one second in the general population, considering who that population defines. I found this article via Google search.
I would like to see a study that is focuses purely with social isolation, NOT clouded by sensory deprivation or loss of freedom. If subjects were dropped off on separate paradise islands, with plenty of square miles of room, complete with infinite supply of food and comfortable housing, and plenty of stimulating solo activities to partake in. The only thing missing would be human interaction. ....and for argument sake, no animals available to act as surrogates. What consequences, if any, would there be? Taking into account the diversity of subjects, one might exclude those at the socially-needy end of the spectrum as the experiment may not only be cruel but the outcome predictable. However what about those in the middle or at the other end of the spectrum? If subjects, by their very nature seek a solitary lifestyle, will their psychological health really be negatively impacted if they're effectively given that which they pine for most in life? Would it lead to madness or total bliss? Let's find out. Sign me up. 8-)
An elaboration of this
An elaboration of this experiment. Two groups on two sets of paradise islands. The first group -- call it the brain-in-the-vat group -- lives as you describe: in a theme park with "plenty of stimulating activities to partake in". Catered meals airdropped three times a day and all the rest. With this restriction: no human stimulation. No news of the outside world, no sound of human voices, no visual images of humans permitted. The second group -- call it the Robinson Crusoe group -- lives a subsistence existence, some basic materials for food production and shelter construction being provided. And because we want be generous, each person in this second group would be given his or her choice of a book...without pictures...in an indecipherable language.
Needless to say, no third-party medical care for either group. Individuals in the first group are told that they will never be retrieved. Individuals in the second group are told that they might someday be retrieved if certain unspecified conditions are met. After ten years researchers visit the islands to assess the psychological health of the individuals in each group.
Unrelated to the island experiment. A way to quantify the attractiveness of solitary confinement in prison. Select a group of recently convicted felons sentenced to identical terms. Say to them: There are x of you and x-y solitary confinement cells. You may bid for these cells. The bidding currency is years added to your sentences.
What is to keep them going?
I wonder what reason would there be for the first group to stay alive? No hope for release, being totally isolated...why would they continue to live? There would have to still be that sliver of hope that they can find a way off or that they will be saved.
TV friends. Do you relate?
here's an interesting thing that's happened to me since my disturbing descent into social isolation. I've started forming strong emotional connections with tv characters, & I prefer watching series that focus on friendships & relationships (such as Friends, How I met your mother, Grey's Anatomy, The OC; rather than say CSI or Dexter). I fall in love with some tv characters, & feel emotionally close to others. Like the characters on 'Friends' often feel like my real friends. I get so excited when interesting things happen to them, as if they're real people. The doctors on Grey's Anatomy feel like my boyfriends (I fantasise about them, imagine going out with them or having conversations with them). Pathetically enough, I feel closer & more emotionally connected to my tv pals than people I know in real life. It's just that it's so hard to get close to people in real lives. I can never cross the threshold from acquaintances to real friendships. It's sad & creepy. This must be an adult version of imaginary friends. Does anyone here relate?
Living Vicariously Through TV
Absolutely. I know what you are talking about. I used to listen to more music. Now, I have the hated TV on because there is a voice talking "to me". I sat there the other day thinking, I am living vicariously through the unknown writers of TV scripts.
Yes!
I do the SAME thing. You know how when you read a book, you become A character in that story. But I turn on a movie and I have all of the emotions of the leading character and feel the emotions of the countless others they interact with, and I become attached emotionally to fictional characters and situations, especially of a romantic nature. I tried to do Internet chat rooms to form connections with others, but I kept seeing people's genitals pop up on the videos and it was highly disturbing because I was not there for the same purpose they have. They just want me to throw my clothes off on camera so they can masturbate and that would just make me feel even more wretched if I were to follow through with such skankness. No, I just want love. I want the fairy tale. I turn on a movie to keep myself from feeling suicidal. I can be someone else for a while but then I am left wanting even more because I get so attached to a character who is actually a real person somewhere that is probably nothing like the character they portray, or, even if they are similar, they wouldn't have me even by a far stretch of the imagination. Root this all in the fact that I was always bullied growing up and overweight (and still am very overweight, because I sit around eating chocolate to try and get the same chemical reaction as falling in love, on a subconscious level), and you have one introverted, crazed person starved for attention from someone who will just throw me down, kiss me, love me all night as I need to be.
You should look up Surrogacy
You should look up Surrogacy Hypothesis i went through something similar where i would just get home every day after school put on my favorite dvd and pretend i was hanging out with the characters on the show
unnerving experience
I'm 23 yrs old. I'm in a new city for studies, renting a small place. I'm naturally an introvert. classes are stretched out as 5 day intensives, then we have 3 weeks off. during those 3 weeks, I'm usually alone, unless I'm able to find people to hang out with. people in my class are reluctant to hang out because they all have family commitments eg kids to look after. I was surprised to find that there's no one my age group in class. Occasionally, I might have lunch w them on the weekend, which breaks up what would otherwise be 3 whole weeks w/o social interaction. Boy oh boy, is this an unnerving experience! Sometimes I fall into a routine, & become too apathetic, disillusioned & lazy to both seeking others out, which increases my isolation. Then when I return to class, it takes me a while to get back into being able to socially interact. Like when I saw my classmates after break, I was stuttering & not properly stringing sentences together. Then after 2 days, I get back into the normal groove of interacting. The problem though, is that because I've been isolated, I haven't done anything worthwhile, so have little to say to them, which creates a vicious cycle of feeling disconnected from people.
When isolated, I get depressed, blow problems out of proportion, feel oppressed by my constant thoughts, get jealous seeing other peoples' social lives on facebook, feel anxious, keyed-up, unable to sleep, paranoid, I get stressful dreams or longing dreams (by longing dreams I mean dreams where I'm hanging out with old friends I used to know, & I wake up missing them). In fact, I've just woken up from a nightmare. I think I really need to buy an early air ticket home, see my parents for a time, cos I'm kinda losing it.
Wow. I did not expect my time abroad to be so painfully lonely. I'm very disappointed in myself. I wish I were a social butterfly who could just "own" any new place I move to.
It seems like you have the
It seems like you have the right idea, insofar as seeing your parents or making real contact with "old" friends if possible. Sometimes, as a matter of survival, it is necessary to take risks, find support, make new friends. The world is not such an unkind place-I am sure you will find these new adventures rewarding. Step out. Go for it.
Aloneness
It makes me feel better when I read these stories. I realise there are many people out there who suffer in the same way from lonliness and its effects which can be severe on one's mental functioning. Often I feel I am the only one when I look around me and see families and groups of friends. I am 43 this year and would say that I have been alone on off throughout my life. In my 20s and early 30s I travelled and prided myself on my appearence and the attention it received but still flitted from one relationship to another never sustaining anything, my own fault I know. At 33, I moved to a small town for work on the opposite side of the country to where I am originally from and have been completely alone ever since. I have no real friends here, no family and spend all my time outside of work alone, progressively more so since turning 40. I spend each evening alone, my weekends alone and my holidays alone. The thing is, the isolation itself seems to have affected my thoughts and behaviour in such a way that I subsonsciously isolate myself even more. I feel miserable all the time so I look miserable which isn't inviting to others. I don't feel young and attractive anymore, I feel old and odd. My thoughts have become more jumbled and paranoid over the years. My speech and body language has become uncertain. The more I am alone, the older I get and the longer it all goes on for the more worthless I feel and the lower my self esteem plummets then the more people avoid me. It's a vicious circle. People essentially have their own lives and don't want to know. I had two very good childhood friends that I could talk to but both of them died young unfortunately. It's just the way some things go.
I simply can't think of how to get out of this situation while at the same time being aware that I am completely responsible for my own life. I don't know where to go or what to do. My job is all I have and I am €100000 in negative equity with my house. I am exhausted from joining things and volunteering. I am too tired to do it any more. Because there is absolutely no one to chat to or confide in for such a long time, I feel I have lost a sense of my place in the world and my connection to it. I don't know what or who I am anymore. I am loosing my mind talking to myself. I don't know why I am here and I don't know what I can do. I feel I am getting more confused by the year. I have visited counsellors and psychiatrists and honestly feel they have made me worse. I try to tell myself I can bare it all for another 40 years and then it will all be over but honestly I don't know if I can. I would prefer to be dead but just don't have the courage to kill myself. My parents are still alive but don't bother with me really. They don't ring or visit. They are quite closed uncommunicative people and cannot deal with my depression or anger. I believed once that God would help me but now I know it just doesn't work that way. You only have yourself and your life is purely your responsibility although some people get dealt a better hand than others. You can only help yourself. I just can't see the grass for the trees.
Mutual feelings
If you are still tunning in, I know and I am feeling exactly the same way you are feeling. Yes, I do am feeling better now that I have read your message and those of others. I have been feeling so blue and it's seems to be an ongoing dreadful feeling I long to find a way out. What a waste of my life's happiness. I have had hopes of finding some meeting group or associations on the web but haven't had any real luck yet. There just has to be a way out for us. Let us keep encouraging one another through mail messages and hopefully one day we will find a gleaming bright light of hope that will reach far beyond the grass and trees that seems to be keeping us from living and finding the happiness we deserve. Thank you all so much!
Aloneness
I am different from these stories in the fact that everyone says I am not old enough to know much about the world, which is possibly true. My parents are very restrictive and do not let me see my friends. I am not allowed to go to social activities or meet new people. I try to entertain myself with things in my own house but nothing is working and I am sad and depressed all the time. I have a kind of paranoia and I assume that everything I do is either going to make people want to hurt me or directly cause someone to be hurt. Most of the things that I like have been forbidden by them and almost all of the internet is blocked at my house- it is a miracle in itself that I can access facebook. When I am allowed to have the computer I am constantly checking facebook because I feel that I am starved for social activity. I will sometimes have conversations with my mother that will hurt her and I won't know why, or why i said what i did, why I felt so irritated at the time. I am also worried that because of my overactive imagination I will become unable to properly understand exactly what is real and what is not, and I fear that it may already be affecting me too much. I feel like I am looking at someone else's life sometimes, and that I can play with it and not have to face the consequences. I do not know what to make of this and I am worried. There are many things I do not know because nobody told them to me- simple things like what certain often-said phrases mean, what people mean when they say certain things, and what I am supposed to do in many situations. Even now I am demonstrating my lack of knowledge about the current society because I do not watch television and I never have, nor do I interact with other people my own age unless I am at school, but even then it is rare that I am in the same class as them, and I do not get to talk. My form of reactions is archaic at best, as most of my proper reactions I picked up from books that I read about the middle ages. For example, when meeting a new person, I do not know what to do. I am not sure whether to shake their hand, or bow, or kneel, or dip my head, but whatever I do, the recipient and the person doing the introducing both usually cast me a strange look because I have not done the right thing.
I am confused.
Me too!
Your story really struck a chord with me. I am in a similar situation except I have two children to care for all day, including homeschooling, preparing meals and lots of house cleaning, every day. The father of one child was abusive and I left him. The other I live with but he is living at the other end of the house and rarely has anything to do with me. We are almost never intimate and hardly even speak to or touch one another. My predicament is almost worse in a sense because I felt much more free and capable as a single woman with no children. I have become a mere maid. My age is showing, my hair has fallen out a lot near the scalp and hair line. I used to be very pretty and, like you, I had many suitors and went from one relationship to another. I try to find happiness in running up credit cards with stuff that comes through the mail, then I have no job so I have to try and pay these debts by making crafts and repainting dolls just so I can pay my bills.
It's worse when you are trapped by someone who does not love you. I am only 36 and I feel 86. It feels like I could just snap and do something totally out of character and then spend an eternity suffering for it. Know that there are others feeling the way you do inside. It's like a slow and painful death, and oftentimes, that is just what this is because all of these crazed thoughts and unfulfilled desires and hurt emotions extend to the physical and even hinder the spiritual to the point of extreme sickness. In my case, I have gotten a bad case of candida and allergies to many types of food and an extreme fear of driving.
Isn't that rediculous? I want to leave but it scares me to just drive a few minutes to town or something. This loneliness is a devastatingly horrid disease.
I grew up fairly isolated and
I grew up fairly isolated and have always been comfortable in my own company but I have bonded with a few other people over the years. I think my relationship to God and my church has been central to my connection with other humans and I really feel being part of a church family could help anyone with feelings of isolation. The only caveat is that you have to find a warm, welcoming church that knows how to express the love of God. God is still there with you even if you feel like He isn't. I sincerely hope you find a connection and contentment.
aloneness
I can identify with just about everything you have said in your piece , heartbreaking and i must admit the same thing is happening to me , the slow spiral down words to nothingness with no laughing and no one listening even a good conversation would be a revelation .
Why some people end up like this i just dont know , for me it started with my breakup of my marriage after 25 years and 4 years on things just seem to be getting worse no better , like you i have bounced from one relationship to the other and have moved to another town for a fresh start , just for the same thing to start happening again only now i dont bother with the relationship ,so all i have is work too .
The world seems made for two at least and im becoming more self concious of this and notice this when going into town , intitially i didnt mind even just having a coffee and reading a paper on my own and people watching and trying to strike up the odd conversation, i cant even do this anymore .
I can't even compare my
I can't even compare my situation to all of yours. I feel humble at how miraculous it is to still see people so isolated yet still be able to write of their situation in words that make sense.
I moved to a big, dark city a year ago to attend university. I have a small apartment, parents financially supporting me and classes to attend. Initially it was alright, I had moved over with friends from another country with whom I was comfortable and could spend days and nights with. They eventually got fed up with the city and left. Once that happened I realised I didn't know anybody in that city well enough to become good friends, since they all lived very far away (emphasis on the "BIG city") and have their own circles of friends and busy lives.
I've always been mildly socially anxious, resulting in me being at best an extroverted eccentric person, yet by nature a silent and introverted guy, still likeable though as I've come to understand throughout my life, through the multitude of friends and good memories I have made for myself.
But I've got the feeling that the immense amounts of time I've spent not speaking to people, staying home and doing music or watching movies (and this can go up to a few days of speaking to absolutely no one) has made me more into the introverted person I essentially am, so I've become very shy, being scared of saying something going against someone's liking.
The worst is that sometimes I get the chance to go out for beers with some people I've recently met and for a while at the start I feel confident enough to be sincerely extroverted and interested in other people, only to later remember the time I've spent alone before and the ensuing mental state of passivity, and so I start speaking with a very confused choice of words, not being able to finish or make coherent sentences, or I become sarcastic, very cynical and want to leave quickly.
What is this? I feel like loneliness is a dangerous presence that tries to succumb me either to hostility towards myself (depression and anxiety) or against others (hurtful comments, anger). I've been fighting it moderately succesfully this whole year, by exercising a lot (works wonders) and pushing myself to see people. But eventually the silence of solitude creeps up to me and I feel that it is taking away the person I have always been; healthily confident in my slight awkwardness that I have always used to great humour,fearless of other people's judgement, and most of all, loving of other people's company.
I know the solution: being around the same people on a daily basis, so as to build intimacy. I believe there is a way out, I hope you all do, because there is. I've just been eaten away by this for a long time, but now more than ever I know the self grows back eventually.
Have faith in yourself no matter what, and concentrate on the big things, not the small.
I feel isolation is not a
I feel isolation is not a solution for prisoners, it just lead to Mental and Emotional Health problems. I Most cases people get disturbed and distorted. http://hinchinbrookhabitats.com.au/
Army can be truamatic without being attacked
I was embedded on an Afghan post with 22 other Americans. we had our own building but there could be anywhere from 150-450 Afghans. I was the ONLY person on the night shift. My replacement greeting was "what are you still doing here" and when I came in at night I got "good! see ya" . If I tried to stay around and be with people during the day I got "why aren't you in bed?" Never mind that they would scream and yell all day long with no consideration that they were right outside my door. I was sleep deprived and just sat in my room with a blanket over the window to keep the afghans from looking in (I am female) I was injured 4 month into the deployment and was left injured and vulnerable for 8 months so that no one would be inconvenienced. There was also no nutritional food. If I wasn't injured it may have been OK but as it was- I think this was a major problem. I was also the one who read all the reports that came thru and saw all the carnage associated with the reports. The basic pertinent facts were passed on the rest was not.
So, I was isolated, sleep deprived, injured, in pain, helpless and had no control over my situation. Now, I am back in the states and do not fit into any psych boxes so I do not get any help.
do not fit in any psych boxes
They don't get to define whether you have a "problem" for which you want help. It is your life and you get to define where you are now and where you want to be emotionally, and then work toward your goals, step by step. I notice you wrote about a year ago. I hope things are better for you now.
Most people are better off
Most people are better off without psychologists and most of all psychiatrists. Psychologists will offer some time and support and listen to you, but its nothing a good friend can't do, I believe. I'm sorry you went through all that, I hope you have a nice environment in the states to compensate.
Get well soon. I hope my opinion is helpful.
I disagree. A good friend
I disagree.
A good friend barely ever has the sense of urgency or can recognize a serious enough problem to point you to that which you might have to face.
I'm not downplaying the importance of good friends in living a healthy life, but going once a week on and off to a therapist can work wonders on the average person.
I disagree too.
Problems and people who can be easily ignored generally will be. You fought for your country it's now time for you to fight for yourself. You need to have support system. Make one for yourself if one doesn't exist. You are not alone.
I Hate Society
i just recently turned 18 and my whole life i have tried avoiding people even when i was attending public school i never spoke to anyone unless spoken to and im able to respond with a fully educated answer or question better than the majority of my class and have always had good grades im not shy i speek my mind when i must but for the most part i just keep to my self and avoid speeking to anybody i isolate my self from having any form of emotion or at least i keep any from showing i could be in a room full of people and still be isolated from all of them i have been doing this since i was a kid i have allways observed people and how they act and for the most part i have no idea why people do and say some of the things they say or do but i understand what caused them to respond in that way but not why they choose to respond in that way i prefer to be alone and being left alone but all the time i spend alone is really starting to afect me in a negative way i have reached a very depressive state and at times i just get to a point were i just need to drop to my knees holding my head and screaming but i just want to be left alone but i know i need to stop isolating my self from society but i dont want any thing to do with it but i do know there are good people out there but i would rather be left alone even by tham can you tell me what i should do i dont like society but really i need to figer out how to get out in to it but i have a fear of commitment and relationships but i dont know how to express love for someone i really care for like when i was in high school a girl named Karah asked me out and i really did care for her but i just couldnt say yes becaus i was scared i would lose her and i cant take that kind of pain and thats the price i pay to be alone so as you can see i need help
I understand the urge to be
I understand the urge to be alone at moments, but complete seclusion of yourself from society is going against all things that nature has put in place for the human species. Ironically people who are sleeping into depression tend to sink themselves deeper into isolation instead of reaching out a hand. I'm very intelligent and introverted like yourself but found that when alone your worst enemy is never the world but it's yourself and that isolation is the ultimate form of self-disintegration. I'm not sure about your personal background and why you even have a fear of commitment and relationships but the only way I could try to help you is to offer my advice, just start trying to build relationships with people, say "hi" next "how are ya?" talk about things you like, the weather, anything. Sooner or later you'll find that people 99% of the time never abandon you.
Dont give in.
Listen man, i completely understand how that form of isolation can effect you, i dont got many i can call friends, and im an extremely social person, but i have been isolated from the people around me from a varying array of curcumstances, Thus i have been Extremely depressed when im by my self for quite a while, my advice to you, is find people to care about you.. because if you don't your going to consider some of the most horrid things and no human should have to endure this self inflicting torture.
Reality alludes me
I've been socially isolated for about 6 years with very short intermittent bouts of socialization; I feel like I live in a dream world most of the time. My only solice is that I'm not incapable of rational thought and do not experience severe delusions although it's little comfort.
I spend my days analyzing myself and living in a fantasy world.
First for everything
Wow! I have never met anyone who could identify with something that I went thru. Anyway, I have to go run an important errand but just had to say that I'd love to write more about the adventures and the horrors of sleep deprivation.
I know from spending a lot of
I know from spending a lot of time in a fantasy world that the longer you stay there, the harder it is to switch back to reality. Fantasy is so much easier because you control it totally, but you can't live there and thrive in this world. As hard as it is to reenter the real world you have to make that decision. You can still visit the fantasy world from time to time but the percentage of time you spend there should be a lot less than the time you spend in reality. You need real friends and a real support system when life smacks you up the side of the head, as it always does at some point. You have to find ways to meet people with the same interests you have, whether it's music, books, painting, whatever.
been wanting to get this off
been wanting to get this off my head for a while, i am a geologist, and as many are aware, we spend most of our time in very remote locations. while i am not in isolation in terms of a prison setting,but i do spend extended periods of time with just a few people - maybe 5 (usually good friends) and have been doing this for 8 years.
I find that when i come back into society, i offend many people, and am considered as dirty, unorganized, and uncultured, which is understandable, since compared to most people living the M-F, 9-5, calender scedule planned out a month previous, dinner appointments set weeks in advance, i am very unorganized. Don't even have a home, as some field geologists are like; easily forgotten Anyway, after 8 years is enough, am ready to become a member of society again, and looking forward to it :)
yeah, maybe crazy, i'll come through
Admissions of Prison Staff
Throughout the United States, prison guards have consistently admitted that even 'mentally healthy' inmates display extremely odd behaviors while they are in LONG-TERM solitary confinement. These federal and state corrections officers describe bizarre behaviors, such as compulsively talking to oneself, compulsive masturbation, ever-worsening paranoia, major depression, loss of impulse control, playing with feces, self-mutilation and self-injury, and even suicide attempts. These officers regularly say, both openly and secretly, that even mentally healthy inmates develop some, most, or all of these behaviors during their long-term solitary confinement, especially after two or three years.
The Colorado Dept. of Corrections requested the University of Colorado to conduct a year-long experiment to determine whether or not solitary confinement creates a unique group of psychotic behaviors christened as "SHU syndrome" by Dr. Stuart Grassian, a psychiatrist. Researchers involved in the experiment stated these words as part of their conclusion: "Most inmates, including those with untreated mental illnesses, recovered from the psychological effects of solitary confinement within 90 to 180 days of being released from solitary confinement. The otherwise mentally healthy inmates returned to a normal mental state and they behaved as if they were never in solitary confinement in the first place. As for untreated mentally ill inmates, their mental illness returned to the same state that existed prior to segregation, with no additional neurotic or psychotic behaviors. The solitary confinement DID NOT really inflict permanent, irreversible psychological harm on them. Nonetheless, the releasing of inmates directly from Administrative Segregation and into the public community at the end of a prison sentence is still a cause of concern for the Colorado Dept. of Corrections."
Apparently the state of Colorado worries that there is a high probability that an inmate released directly from solitary confinement to the free community will commit a violent crime during the first 3 to 6 months of recovery from solitary confinement. I definitely would feel uncomfortable with someone released directly from solitary confinement walking about in the neighborhood where me and my family live, or in our favorite shopping mall, at least for the first 6 months after he/she is released. I feel that he/she would be a ticking time bomb in my community.
The state of Colorado is currently in the process of building two additional Supermax prisons within its borders, based partially on the scewed results of this silly experiment saying that solitary confinement does not, and cannot, produce negative psychological effects that are permanent and irreversible. A new Supermax called CSP II has already been opened in the state. This is outrageous.
Personally, I still believe that long-term solitary confinement is, or should be classified as, a form of psychological torture; thus I concur with the ACLU and various human rights organizations. Ever since the terrorism events of 9/11/2001, the United States has repeatedly redefined its definition of "torture" in order to justify many of its harsh interrogation/detention practices against terrorism suspects, including acute sensory-deprivation, waterboarding, and secret prisons. The 2012 revision of the National Defense Authorization Act (NDAA) has created a great deal of confusion as to whether or not the United States will begin detaining U.S. citizens, suspected of terrorism, indefinitely and without trail or formal indictment. Just recently, the top officials of our federal government ordered the extrajudicial executions of the natural-born U.S. citizens named Anwar al-Awlaki and Samir Khan.
Love,
Tifani
Fundamental differences
I am completely alone even when I am with thousands of people. It just seems like their minds are broken and do not work correctly. They behave in ways that imply goals that can be the exact opposite of those they claim. They lie. They react emotionally to things that are easy for me to predict. etc etc
To all.
Your mentality has much to do with it. If you think of yourself as lonely and worthless, you'll become that. People become what they think they are; if you know that, use your energy and do something. Get out of a predictably dull lifestyle. Exercise and talk to the cashier at the grocery store. It might sound like a shallow solution to a problem, but you have to make a decision to get anywhere.
I know why you think of splattering your brains. But you can't do it. You have too much potential. Don't look to others for approval but learn and talk occasionally and come to know yourself.
excellent perspective
Your comment is really well-put and exactly on-target, my friend. Hope many read and benefit from your words.
not normal and im suffering.
im only 18 years old but throughout my life ive always been extremly social. when i was10 i lost my best friend, my grandmother that took care of me during that time... i switched school because i became depressed and people made fun of me. the only other struffle i had growing up and that i do still have is that my mom favors my brother... so ive always felt like im only 2nd best and i dont deserve the best because nobody ever assured me. i was always a girl with alot of friends throughout school, started drinking young , smoking weed and got into drugs... but it never got out of control.. i just experimented like most kids are gonna do in their lifetime. i had the same best friend for 12 years and she all of a sudden sttopped talkikn to me when we were about 14-15 years old.. that hurt me just because i was left with no answers. ive haad little boyfriends that always treated me bad... but i met one that i thought was different and he was. he was my prince charming,did everything for me and more., together for 3 and a half years. feburary 8 of 2008. when we broke up it was hard but i just tried my hardest to not over react because i thought for sure wed be back together... a month later it hit me and i was a complete mess.. but i hid it from everyone i knew just because i didnt want anyone to be worried about me. i stopped seeing my friends and my family. i just had this thought in my head that "whats the point in even keep touch with anyone, everyones gonna leave someday anyway." and i still i try so hard to go out and do things but its not the same.. im not comfortaable, i cant ever sleep my mind is just going a thousand miles an hour and wont stop.. someone help me:(
You are suffering from manic-depression illness.
Your comment "i cant ever sleep my mind is just going a thousand miles an hour and wont stop.. someone help me:( " is a common symptom of a mental illness known as bipolar 1 or bipolar 2. It's treatable and can be managed. Good luck and get yourself some help.
Re:dev
I read your post and I can totally identify with you. I'm thirty years old and your story reads similar to my own experiences. It's totally tough and life changing. You will make it through and come out a better person for all of this. These trials you experience are painful now, but they are actually windows to help you see who's worth keeping and who is worth forgetting. A lot of strength can be cultivated from the scenarios you experience, thus making you a better stronger person than most. Don't let people fool you into thinking your second best bc of your home life. People will pick up on that dynamic and try to use it against you. Be strong and love yourself as well as others no matter what- you'll be just fine! Wishing you all the best and a lot of strength and love... If you want an email friend to talk with let me know.
To Dev, Re: "not normal and im suffering."
Dear Dev,
I'm so sorry you are suffering. I can't think of any advice, but I just wanted to say I felt for you, and let you know I prayed that God would help you. Jesus loves you.
Asking for help is the best thing you can do
I have had similar physical and mental issues, and I can give you a few ideas to try and see if it helps. I have had anxiety issues since I was a child, but I didn't know until reciently. All I knew was that I wasn't normal, and i couldnt do things that most people could do. Most people thought I was just shy, but I was really hurting inside. Because of these issues i've lived a very lonely life, until I met someone who brought me into her family. A close family wasn't something I had growing up with, so I got very attached to them. That closeness ended not to long ago and I found myself alone again. I was very scared, but I met some great people in the summer and I wasn't so scared anymore. School began again and I didn't get to see them as much, so I fell completely apart. I was having difficulty at school and work, and got little support and a lot of negagivity, which made things worse. It felt like I was completely alone. I couldn't sleep, I had racing thoughts, constantly worried, and terrified I was going crazy. I was mentally exahsted and could not handle more then a few hours of work a day.
I am now on the road to recovery. What has really been helping me is to open up. I started with a friend about my issues, which lead me to opening up to my familly. It took a lot of trying, but now I am very close to them. I feel better then I ever felt.
You have already started opening up and reaching for help, which is a good thing.
Try talking to your familly, let them know what things they do that is causing you pain. Also, let your family know what things they do gives you joy.
If you believe in God, get involved with church. I recomened the loud ones were you can sing and dance:) If you don't like the idea of church, try getting involved in something active that is strictly for fun. The reason is to reduce your stress, and focus on something positive. I started off playing, singing, and dancing with my niece. Now I'm enjoying many more things, including being with my friends again.
You may also find a Psychiatrist benifitial. A PSYCHIATRIST is a medical doctor that specializes in diagnosing hidden injuries we might have. One Importent thing to remember! A psychiatrist IS NOT the same as a psychologist or counciler, I made that mistake, and went to the wrong doctor and it made things worse.
One more thing, don't give up and keep reaching out until your heard!