on disseminating information about antiblackness,
on the transformative power of information,
on the power of #blacklivesmatter

introduction

i'd like to begin first by saying that this "essay" very much got away from me. there is so much in the black lives matter movement that can (and should) be discussed and circulated. i very much got caught up with the idea of a neo-liberal future, of black love, and with social media... honestly, the examination of this movement could have likely become a dissertation... but this is an attempt to connect some of these ideas.

as i began to read phillips’ book, i quickly grew weary of his style of questioning. he sets the stage with his question, “what is insanity?” by not coming forth with a solid definition. since sanity is something dealing with the disability community, i’ll use a common phrase to frame the conversation – “nothing about us without us.” phillips instantly gives ‘equal’ weight to all participants rather than putting personal experience at the forefront with someone who has psychosis or other more “severe” mental illnesses that cause individuals to be labeled as “insane” or “crazy” – which, by the way, are often used as slurs. by giving ‘equal’ weight to all voices in such a conversation, he allows for the continuation of the already common oppressive ideas held by larger society.

            “Ask me about my experience here,” Georgina responding to our weekly icebreaker questions. I was surprised at how often womyn spoke about such complex and personal issues. I felt so uncomfortable. Why was I there? I should not have the “white-savior complex” yet I have means and almost all of these womyn’s rights have been stripped away. I couldn't help but wonder about the stressful and dangerous atmosphere of prison. What violence was inflicted upone these womyn?

            How could we just talk when Caroline just told me a story about when she was “in-between” homes. How is it fair that all of her rights and sense of security is stripped away even if she “committed a crime?”

A vivid experience:

On the last Thursday, the guards were especially thorough as we made our way through metal detectors and pat downs. They paused at one student and asked if she was wearing a bra.

"No," she answered uncomfortably.

"Can you put one on?"

"I don't have one."

"We have rules here. You all have been here before, right? …. Even though they [the inmates] are females, they are still predators."

there are several moments in the prison engrained into my mind. these memories, while having come from just this semester, don’t feel fresh; the stagnancy that overwhelmed me upon walking into the lobby – and to the classroom and back – each thursday made sure that every moment felt like a vague memory even as i experienced it.

some of the moments were better than others. my initial reaction to the prompt of this paper – “begin with a 1-p. description of one important (vivid, definitive, symbolic?) experience that really stood out to you during our time there” – was to focus on a moment that was one of the more positive ones. the time spent with the incarcerated folks was not bad for me in and of itself, i don’t think, and so i thought i would represent that.

There is an electricity in the room- a vibrant hum carrying through the giggles and big smiles of the whole room. After each group reads their revisionary thoughts to the rest, there is raucous applause. Everything from big changes to small ones is exciting. All, though, geared towards saving Antigone’s life, sometimes at the cost of Ismene’s if necessary. She is the criminal, but hers is the loss honor most protests. My group is the only one to act out the altered scenes; our changes are an enormous amalgamation of four people’s revisions, and still no one dies.

I was struck in my final conference by a kind of “revelation” I had about my experience planning for prison with regard to how I learn. I’ve encountered many pedagogies and pedagogical strategies that clash with me, for various reasons, which has caused a lot of frustration in my academic life. This seems to translate into my lesson planning, as I try to give activities the balance of structure and flexibility that I personally find helpful to me, in the hopes that it will be accessible to as many learners as possible (while realizing that any choice will exclude someone). I find that I thrive within certain types of structures, that too much uncertainty and choice is frightening and inhibiting.

Unpacking the Educator/Therapist Dichotomy 

Book group yesterday felt discombobulating, frustrating, and important. I found myself torn between my frustration that we weren't completing the lesson plan as effectively as we had hoped, and my strong desire to give the emotions in the room the space they deserved. 

Prison Reflection

            In my saved files on my computer, I titled the post I wrote after that class (you know the one I’m talking about) ‘The Hardest One Yet”.