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Why Do Some People Develop Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder?
As the child of a man whose acute Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder is the dominant force in his life, and consequently, having grown up in a very unnatural, controlled environment, when deciding on a top for this paper, I dared to delve into the enigmatic world of mental illness. I thought writing on this disorder would be both interesting and would help unlock the secret behind my father’s abnormal behavior. It would also help me understand why, up until now, I have exhibited only mild symptoms of this condition, and if the disorder is in fact hereditary, what this means for me in the future. In order to answer these questions, an in depth examination of the disease is needed.
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is one of many anxiety disorders, mental conditions that result in chronic fear and uncertainty in the victims’ minds. Anxiety disorders plague 40 million American adults, while OCD alone affects 2.2 million Americans (1). If anxiety disorders are left untreated, which they often are, symptoms can become increasingly worse. People with OCD experience persistent upsetting thoughts or worries (obsessions) and use rituals or repetitive behaviors (compulsions) to relieve their anxiety (2). OCD patients often experience repeated thoughts and images where they feel out of control and may even worry that they have harmed another person (3). Depending on the person’s fears, OCD can manifest itself in different ways. The most common symptom is an obsession with germs or dirt that results in repeated hand washing. Paranoia about intruders can lead to locking and relocking of doors and windows. Other common signs include repeatedly checking things, counting things, doing things in a particular order, or hoarding and refusing to dispose of old possessions. However, a person with OCD doesn’t necessarily have to partake in any of these rituals. In the most extreme cases of OCD, victims are unable to attend to their responsibilities and perform the tasks of daily life because they are so preoccupied with their rituals. What makes OCD so unique is that, according to studies, people with the disorder do not get pleasure out of doing these rituals; they carry out these actions to placate their anxiety (3).
It’s interesting for me to read what all the medical journals and online sources say about OCD because I can imagine my father performing the described rituals in my head as I read. However, his case is one of the extreme ones that is more difficult for doctors to understand. For example, my father follows a very strict regime everyday, doing everything in the same exact order; any interference with his daily routine will send him into a state of shock. If a person interrupts him while he’s going through his routine, he becomes very angry, agitated, and uncomfortable. He prefers to be alone as much as possible and lives on an isolated farm, where he has minimal contact with other people. OCD and clinical depression often go hand-in-hand, so it is likely that my father’s antisocial behavior is partly due to depression. My father, interestingly, does not exhibit many of the typical symptoms of OCD, such as frequent bathing and hand washing, or a need to constantly count things in a certain order. However, he does hoard possessions and hasn’t thrown out anything in about 30 years. It is easy to see how OCD can be misdiagnosed since many of its symptoms are characteristic of other mental illnesses; it’s taken me my entire life to figure out what exactly makes my father behave the way he does.
How can someone with OCD be treated? According to the Obsessive Compulsive Foundation, OCD is “underdiagnosed” and “undertreated” because many doctors are unfamiliar with the symptoms of the illness (3). No laboratory test exists for this disorder . Moreover, people with OCD often have trouble admitting that they have extreme anxiety or are unaware that their behavior is abnormal (3). However, if someone is diagnosed with OCD, several different methods of treatment can be implemented. The first is Cognitive-Behavioral Psychotherapy through the use of a technique called Exposure and Ritual Prevention, where individuals gradually overcome their fears and learn that they do not need to perform certain rituals. The second method of treatment involves taking selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) along with tricyclic antidepressants. Studies show that OCD is usually the result of communication problems between the orbital cortex and the basal ganglia, two parts of the brain that rely on the chemical messenger serotonin to transmit signals. With the help of SSRIs, the serotonin is able to bind to the neurons’ receptors so it can help regulate excess anxiety and obsessive thoughts. Studies show that, “SSRIs seem to be the most effective drug treatments for OCD, and help about 60% of OCD patients, but do not ‘cure’ OCD” (2). In other words, medications that increase one’s serotonin levels can address the symptoms of OCD, but can’t make the disorder go away. Although the use of SSRIs or Cognitive-Behavioral Psychotherapy seems to be an effective treatment for OCD, from doing research on this topic, it is clear to me that much about the disease is still unknown.
Why do some people develop this disease and not others? Is it genetic? Does the disease run in families? In my case, I wonder: Why did my dad develop this condition and not me? Will I acquire OCD in the future? Up until recently no specific genes for OCD had been identified, but scientists were looking for a link between genetics and OCD (3). However, two recent studies on the association between genes and OCD have illuminated a possible cause of the disease: a glutamate transporter gene called SLC1A1. This gene encodes a protein called EAAC1, which controls the flow of glutamate in and out of brain cells. According to an article in HealthDay News, “Variation in the SLC1A1 gene may cause changes in the flow of glutamate, which may put a person at increased risk of developing OCD” (4). The identification of the SLC1A1 gene marks a milestone in the search for the cause of OCD. If the close relationship between this gene and OCD is confirmed, dramatic improvements in the understanding and treatment of OCD can be made (4). With regard to the heredity of OCD, research shows that OCD does tend to run in families, though family members often times develop different symptoms from the disease (3). According to the HealthDay News article, “Close relatives of people with OCD are up to nine times more likely than other people to develop OCD” (4). Clearly, heredity plays an important role in the development of OCD. In my case, the fact that such a close relative of mine has OCD greatly increases my chances of getting it. Because symptoms can emerge at any time between age 3 and 40, I still have more than twenty years in which I am likely to develop the disorder (3).
Researching and writing this paper has helped elucidate a lot for me about Obsessive-Compulsive disorder. However, it has also made it apparent that much more research about this disease needs to be done before a foolproof method of prevention and treatment can be obtained. As of right now, scientists have only made ripples in the vast, dark ocean of mental illness, and nothing has been confirmed about the cause of OCD. I hope, for my own sake and for the sake of the millions of Americans who either have OCD or will be afflicted with it in the future, that the isolation of the SLC1A1 gene for OCD will lead to great strides in the study and treatment of this disorder.
World Wide Web Sources
1) http://www.nimh.nih.gov/healthinformation/ocdmenu.cfm The National Institute of Mental Health’s website with a special section on OCD
2) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obsessive-compulsive_disorder A Wikipedia Encyclopedia article, “Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder.”
3) http://www.ocfoundation.org/ The Obsessive-Compulsive Foundation website with a discussion of OCD
4) http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/new/fullstory_36909.html A HealthDay News article entitled, “Genetic Findings Shed Light on OCD.”
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| This paper reflects the research and thoughts of a student at the time the paper was written for a course at Bryn Mawr College. Like other materials on Serendip, it is not intended to be "authoritative" but rather to help others further develop their own explorations. Web links were active as of the time the paper was posted but are not updated. |
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Comments
Charlie I understand
Charlie I understand entirely. Its like the thoughts pop into your head but the anxiety is because the thoughts are completely opposite to your morality. Seek help and from what I've read, you will get better. Doesn't mean you are a bad person or 'psycho' at all.
'And the thoughts'
"OH. And the thoughts. The thoughts that are basically images of "what if I did this horrible thing to this person?" I was holding my baby cousin - whom I love and adore - and all of a sudden I got this horrid thought, "what if I dropped him on his head?""
Those thoughts (known as 'intrusive thoughts') aren't specific to OCD. Everybody has thoughts like that. With OCD the thoughts often links up with some of the compulsive behaviours, perhaps as causes, but the actual thoughts themselves are experienced by everybody.
OCD
I was diagnosed with OCD last year, but I've known since I was maybe 13 and figured out what OCD was.
I've been doing rituals since I was a baby - obsessively peeling wallpaper off the wall in strips. Earlier in my life, I've gone through various obsessions and rituals: I couldn't touch the color red, and it got to the point where I held my breath if my mother was driving me somewhere and there were red cars next to, in front of, or behind us; I couldn't see the word "devil" or I'd freak out; any object I accidentally touched, no matter the color, had to be touched evenly by both sides of my body; I worried constantly about death, whether or not my thoughts could influence the deaths of others, etc... and much, much more.
Then, I went through a few years of... remission, I suppose you'd call it. But my freshman year of high school, it returned, and has been with me yearly since - almost always during the winter.
I constantly worry that people - my own family - are out to hurt me or have already done so. I'm variously terrified that I've committed a murder, that I have been sexually abused, that someone has killed someone else and I could've somehow stopped it. Has any of this happened? Logically, I know it hasn't, but my brain continues to mull over it. I constantly check doors and windows to make sure that everything is locked, or I worry that a burglar or serial killer might break in. I worry that someday I'll go insane and hurt someone, so I read up on insanity as much as possible... and that only makes it worse, of course. At the time that I was diagnosed with OCD, I was also diagnosed with comorbid clinical depression; bipolar, psychosis, and schizophrenia were ruled out. Seasonal Affective Disorder is apparently also a possible diagnosis. I can see that, because these obsessions, weirdly, don't bother me much during the rest of the year; it's just mid-November to sometime in January or February, tapering off around the middle to end of March.
I respond horribly to SSRIs, and therapy doesn't seem to be helping. I'll continue the therapy, but is there anything else I can do to make life bearable again?
I am 13 too.
Hi, I'm 13 and I don't know what my problem is but I am a perfectionist. When my father accidentally knocks over my paper clip I fell like jumping over a bridge and wish my life was over. I go through this panic attack where I sway up and down and try to pull my hair out. I have been to an mental hospital and I have an under active thyroid.i get super upset when I get a low mark at school. I must be organised and only do things my way. I hate it when people touch me when I am thinking. I always am scared and think the worst of everything that goes bad. I think that in the night robbers are coming or if I open the curtain a murder will be there. I don't know what's wrong but I do know this isn't normal. Oh and when I was four I did this thing where when I woke up I did things in order and I read the encyclopaedia - when I was four.
I've had OCD all my life
I was diagnosed with OCD when I was two years old. The doctors basically figured I was born with it. I use to do all these obsessive little rituals and my mom never understood what it was till she asked my doctor. I go through these episodes that can last months upon months at a time. And then I can go years with out any really bad ones. But no matter the day, there is always some kind of ritual I have to do. I mean HAVE to. I know everything I do is irrational. I know it's dumb, and I know that I don't need to do it. But it's like there are two parts of my brain, the rational side, and the irrational. Large amounts of stress, or when I am really tired make my compulsions and the obsessions worse. The worst part is, I have so many types of OCD. I have the hand washing part, the being afraid of germs, and the checking part, and just being afraid of something and avoiding it like the plague for no reason. When I was 9, I choked on a pill, and I couldn't eat solid foods for three months because I was so afraid of choking again. People thought I was anorexic at 9 years old. But really I was just afraid of eating. The fear was so real to me. Now that I look back upon it, it's stupid. I have eczema (really dry skin), when I was in 6th grade, I went through a really bad hand washing episode. It was so bad, I had eczema up and down my wrists and all over my hands. (There have been multiple hand washing episodes through out my life). I was also diagnosed with asthma that year, I was afraid of getting asthma attacks that I abused my inhaler because I was so afraid of my lungs closing up. It took a whole year to kick those OCD episodes. Now I am 18, and a few months ago I was diagnosed with some illness, then by a miracle I was healed. But it was to late for my OCD. I'm in my 4th month of this madness. Having to rinse out every thing I eat off of. Throwing stuff away because I feel like it has been opened before. Making a ton of food, then having to dump it because I feel like someone did something to it. It's ridiculous! It's like there is something else in my mind telling me what to do and placing these compulsions in my head. This OCD isn't me. It's like an infection in my mind. I HATE it so much. I hate when other people get frustrated with me because of it and act like it's so hard to live with me. And I'm just like, "TRY BEING ME. YOU WILL NEVER KNOW HOW HORRIBLE, HOW AWFUL, HOW MISERABLE IT IS TO HAVE THIS DISORDER." But the thing is, if I could choose between never experiencing OCD again in my life, but that someone else would have to take on my burden, I would choose to keep my disorder. I would never wish this on anyone else. And I bet that anyone in my family or friends that if they had this disorder, they would probably kill themselves. You have to be so strong to deal with this order. But at the same time, when you have OCD. You are living half a life. It feels like you are dragging around the old ball and chains. Looking back on when I was child, I always imagined that when I was older, I'd be some amazing, OCD free woman. That I wouldn't be afraid of anything. But now I'm just some crazy woman, who can't hold down a job because of OCD and is afraid to live life like everyone is suppose to at 18.
OCD in my earlier life
When I was a kid, around 6-8 ish, I had these "bad habits" as my parents like to call it of twitching my eye at the sun because of the way the sunlight expanded when my eyes are squinted, I have this obssessive need to touch the corners between each wall every time I walk into a room. When I was starting second grade, it got so bad to the point where I took some time off from school and took small dosages of medication. But when I moved countries, my twitches were not happening as frequently, my need to touch corners diminished slowly and I could go for hours without doing a routine or obsessive twitching of the eye. I think it's got something to do with the fact that I had a bigger appetite when I grew up, as well as the fact that I had more exercise and more fresh air. Right now, after nine years of living in Canada, it's no longer happening anymore. Although some times I still have the need to twitch my eye, it's very managable. I think the main idea to keep in mind is to: 1. FORCE yourself to go on for an hour or for half an hour of doing anything obssessive and 2. Never think of it as something that can't be controlled, but rather a battle that you have to fight with that urge in your head telling you to twitch. By doing this, and telling yourself that this is okay, you will find that it might slowly disappear through time. I don't like to read other people's comments about their particular rituals because I'm affraid that it might get into my head and might appeal to me, if that makes any sense. The important thing is to keep yourself occupied and DON'T THINK ABOUT IT. If you keep thinking about it, you will never win.
Asperger's Syndrome and OCD
First of all I'd like to start of saying the face picking and hair can be a part of OCD. Hair pulling his Tricatelimania and a part of OCD. That said, I am a person who has had OCD symptoms since I was a very young child. I have Asperger's and OCD, Panic, and other disorders. It has overwhelmed my life since I was young. Since 11 I have had Panic Attacks about many things. I've had Bad OCD thoughts since young about hurting others and thought I was a very bad peron. I kept inside for years and now only tell my husband the minor things I think. Not the severe. It's feelings of shame. Some of my symptoms of OCD have been the Harm thought, checking things all the time ( have put compulsion on husband because severe), needing control over things, repete things I do, germ problems (has controlled eating when trams happens), need to eat with certin things, need of sameness, rituals and schedules that control my day, have bad thoughts of someone going to kill me or earth quakes. Nighttime is the worst. Basically it has controlled everything I do. What I eat. I like same things everyday and use the same utensils in order and repete my movements when I do things like siting up or grabbing my plate. The need to envision that at perfection is why the repete. Light on and off. Worried of other going to hurt or gas stove killing me why to check many times till I don't even see it anymore. My children have Autism and OCD. Just like Autism, OCD plays a big roll in genetics. Some develope it only do to trauma in their life. Mine is genetic. My kids have it bad. My youngest one hoards things, germ and cleaning problems, needs rituals, worries of others, is a checker for things and repetes things. Oldest has severe Autism and does that and more. It's not something I or my kids asked for but it's our life. We learn to deal with it the best we can!! :)
Could this be OCD?
My ex boyfriend has OCD. He broke up with me because of his worries. Since then I have been reading about it (I should have read a long time before), and I see some symptoms in myself. And it is scaring me.
I worry excessively about things. The worries drive me insane sometimes. And I have these thoughts that 'dare' me to do things. Like when I was 13 I kept thinking that I had to take a blade and slash my mom's wrists and then mine just to prove that I could do it. These thoughts were there for a couple of months and they drove me crazy but they went away. A few years later I thought that I had to jump in front of a train to see if I would die. I used to and stand on a railway platform to see how close I could get.
I also worry a lot about the environment. Last year the winter was too harsh and I was worried that the ducks would die and I would cry for hours by the lake because the ducks were not there. Also when there were floods in Pakistan. Last year my boyfriend and I were talking about shingles and 3 people I knew got them and I thought that it was because I was talking about it because I was the common link and that I should not talk about it at all. athe worries are not there every day but when they are there I cannot think straight. They occupy the whole of my brain and I just wish I could stop thinking for a while. I want it to stop. I worry about world hunger and that I cannot do anything about it and then there is despair. I worry about people being in accidents, so much that I drove my bf away. I ask the same questions again and again.
I also used to get these obsessive relationship doubts. If we would be happy, if I really was in love, if we would fall out of love, if God want's this relationship. Though I would like to get back together with my boyfriend and I know he is so good for me, these doubts still tear me apart. I used to ask him the same questions over and over again. Like why did you say that and his answers satisfied me for a while but the doubts would come back. Please help!
Crazy
I've been reading these comments tonight and it does make me glad (in a non-sadistic way!) that other people suffer as I do. I started a job about 6 months ago and have been working 11 hour days and most weekends. As my stress levels increase, so does my OCD. It started for me when I was around 5, and I'm 26 now. My mother use to put it down to 'bad habits.' But I learnt about OCD and its symptoms in High School when a couple of students were speaking about OCD for their choice of mental illness research in their oral presentation.
The worse compulsion I have is feeling like I could turn into somebody else. Just today I was on the phone and was looking at my colleague. When the person on the other end picked up, I said "Hi, my name is such and such" and just by saying my name and looking at my colleague, I have this ball of anxiety and irrational fear that I will then turn into that person, become him, with his knowledge set and I'll lose all the knowledge that I've learned. It's only reinforced tonight that when I'm studying and can't remember and answer to a test question that the OCD in the back of my mind says "See? You are becoming him. It's a gradual degradation." I realize it's irrational. Hell, I realize it's plain insane, but it doesn't stop the thought from lingering. I guess I must just learn to let it go. Like most of us here though, that's easier said than done.
I bet that somewhere there is a similarity between us all. When I was 5, my parents got divorced and it was a physically abusive environment. My brother also exhibits similar OCD symptoms (constant face twitching). Perhaps it stems from the lack of control we had.
Ugh, what a bat shit crazy thing this is
I Have It Bad...
My OCD is with ORS (Olfactory Reference Syndrome) thinking I have body odor that offends people. Because seems everywhere I go people are sniffing and coughing. This triggers something in my mind. At work I would wash my underarms every couple of hours at least. I stopped going to public crowded places and recently quit my job. Just wanna disappear or move to a very small town where I don't have to be around people. This just started about 3 years ago and was triggered after working in close quarters and the person next to me would always run a small fan. Then I started noticing everyone's reactions when I was around and it escalated. I finally asked my supervisor but she laughed at me and said nobody complained. But that was not good enough and I simply justified it by saying most people will not tell you that you stink. Currently taking 50mg of Zoloft but its not helping. Hoping to find a work from home job. Cancelled job interviews out of fear.
ocd
Hi. I'm 23 years old and I dont think I've ever talked to anyone in depth about my ocd but, I would like to see what responses I get due to how bad I believe it's getting. I have a daily routine of cleaning out my car, my apartment, really anything I can find to clean out. I HATE doing this but it's a daily routine I have never been able to stop. I feel so anxious my panic attacks are getting worse. At work today I was thinking about ALOT and by the time I clocked out I walked to my car and started crying. I was so overwhelmed. I get mad so easily and can't let go of the situation that upset me, it just replays and keeps me in a bad mood for the rest of the day. My apartment seems to be the only place other than work that I stay at these days, I know that's a symptom (hiding from the world) but, it's crippling and I want to live again. I have to take a friend or family member shopping with me because big places with alot of people raise my anxiety. Something about babies crying, people yelling, or people trying to squeeze their basket past me when there's clearly no room sends me over the edge. If I HAVE to go without someone I must listen to my ipod while I am shopping and I find myself sprinting through the store to get it done quickly as possible. I used to have a very tight schedule and was rarely late but, lately I havn't even looked at the time or date & avoid making appointment or plans. My bills are backed up because I'm afraid to open my mail because I'm afraid I won't have enough money to pay them. (I FEEL CRAZY) I wake up on some days and honestly can't come up with one positive thing to think of and end up on my couch all day avoiding phone calls, texts, even my neighbor knocking on the door. I find myself thinking "I just want to be happy, I just want to wake up even just for one day and feel normal..no anxiety, no routines, just happy" the more I think this the more unhappy I become. I have an extremely vivid memory and find myself daydreaming alot about the past present and future and can actually SEE what im thinking. I dont know what this means but I also find that looking at pictures helps me relax (what does this mean?). I don;t expect a perfect answer to every question or statement i asked/made but, I could defintely use feedback because I feel crazy, I am so tired of working so hard just to wake up the next day and do it all over again.
perhaps this might help?
I don't know if this will help anyone, but I felt the need to add my little strategy in case it works for anyone else. I have suffered from OCD since around the age of 4, and have found it much easier to stop my obsessions and compulsions in the last 10 years or so when I sat down and thought about why I was doing my rituals. I started to understand that I was repeating some thought to make it perfect (i.e., not containing the contaminating and intrusive thoughts that typically enter my mind when I am thinking of something). I tended to repeat the thought until it was perfect, and it was so tiring and anxiety-producing.
I told myself that I can never create exactly the same conditions that existed when I had my contaminated thought, as time has passed (even a few seconds), and this makes everything in the world slightly different. So repeating the thought to make it perfect does not make the original thought perfect, as that thought can never be repeated in the same time frame. So my thought can never be perfect, even though I might be fortunate enough on subsequent attempts to think the thought without comtaminations. This new contamination-free thought is not a perfect replacement for the contaminated thought, as they are really two different thoughts, even if they contain the same content.
When I realised that, I started to feel less compelled to rethink the thought to make it perfect. It has helped enormously and was a watershed in my managing this hellish disorder.
Having re-read my comment above, I see that it is a bit confusing, and have tried to make it clear, but you all know when trying to describe your own personal obsessions and compulsions, it can be difficult to express, and for others to understand. I am going to leave the comment (insert worried emoticon) on the off-chance that it does make sense to someone, and therefore helps them.
By the way, it is very sad to read that there are so many young people suffering from this illness. I was sort of hoping that over the last 30 years that more effective treatments would be available. Yet I am reminded that things have improved a lot, and the increased understanding of the brain we are achieving will eventually help researchers to find us relief that is effective for all. Please do not give up hope.
Please keep trying to find some way of managing your illness, so that you can have some measure of peace in your life. I do believe that it can be controlled in many cases, with medication, behaviour therapy and other things. There does seem to be some research indicating that those with early-onset OCD have less chance of finding complete recovery, whereas those who develop the illness later have better chances of greatly reduced symptoms or sometimes a return to their pre-OCD self.
Let us all keep pressing on regardless, and the best of luck to all of you in finding some way to have peace. I tend to find that talking to myself about what I am doing, and trying to find a little trick that will stop me, helps me. I also find that when I am stressed, I am checking and ruminating more. So I try to eat well, sleep well and do some yoga.
One more thing that might ring the familiarity bells with you is that my mother, at 82 years of age, still believes I ought to pull myself together and be 'strong'. She has always been of the school that we can will ourselves out of OCD if we try hard enough. You must not listen to such people, although they seem to mean well. They do not understand the biological factor that relates to OCD, and even taking them to your doctor sometimes will not help them to understand. Find people who are kind and understanding to talk to, and remember that the people who love us are not always the best equipped to give us the expert advice we need.
Isobel
I NEED HELP
Hi! I kind of self diagnosed myself with OCD using the web. So here's my (i thought normal) story...
I was afraid of teachers (when I was young), of a failing grade and of course very much afraid to disappoint my parents. I always keep having thoughts like this over and over again.. I also keep having these terrible thoughts of being alone, I am very much afraid of losing any member of my family, and tried-no, forced myself into imagining the most fearful accidents just to prove to myself that it won't ever happen if I just think about it. Nothing bad will happen, I just need to "see" it in my mind. I must see it clearly in my mind, detailed. If not, I know the result is the other way around; a bad sign. And it never failed me. I must also pray in order, and to pray while imagining every member of my family (must not forget anyone) and say 'Thank You Lord God' in the end of the prayer again and again until I am satisfied that the Lord God heard me.
When I was in kindergarten I remember of being afraid in going to school and the school itself. I don't know why, It just scares the hell out of me back then. I hate dark and suffocating, no window places. I CAN'T sleep without light. I always pick my hair and have this habit of nail biting (fingers & toes). When watching television, I never blink until the next angle of the camera or until I have seen a good looking artist or picture.
Also, back then as I recall, I have this very naughty classmate who always gets into trouble, he loves throwing things all over the place; pencil, papers, even his chair (very much). I hate seeing things in the floor, and so I have this stupid urge to pick up things. I even got scolded by our teacher because she said that it's not my fault and I should let my classmate learn from his mistakes, he should pick it by himself. I felt so humiliated. I don't know what to do. I was very frightened, so I pushed the chair that i picked up back to the floor. It haunts me until now; fresh like it just happened yesterday.
Afraid of being left alone at school (literally), I always check my yaya at the lobby, 'many times' from the start of the period until the last subject before I am convinced that she's there waiting for me. One day, she left the school because of an emergency without my knowledge, so as I checked and looked everywhere for her, I found out from our teacher that she did left the school, but said she would go back. I don't know what to do then, I burst into tears and run. I run until I got home. (Good thing that school and our house are both in the same subdivision)
I am an accelerated student so I have to transfer, my classmates are a year or so older than me. And because of that I am bullied by some of my classmates and also due to fact that I am fat. I even got into a fight against a boy in our class. That remorseful situation definitely lowered my self esteem and got me into my worst haunting thoughts ever. I had to fight it, so i skipped meals. I don't eat breakfast upon going to school, so I would feel much better and much lighter. Junk foods at night satisfies my hunger. This had been my definitely not so good routine for a couple of years. At that time I am also hoarding, it really makes no sense. I keep this to myself. I put them in a box and kind of feel to need them someday. I am also organized with my toys, as much as possible they're still with their boxes. I thought these are all normal and never in my wildest imagination considered these as signs and symptoms of any mental disorder or whatsoever.
Until recently..
I am now 20 years old, in college and taking Dentistry. I still keep having these thoughts.. a lot of them. And still have 'extreme' nail biting(fingers) habit until they bleed. I can't seem to stop this. It's like I would just be snap out of a dream and.. boom! my fingers are all sore. Everything's the same except for the school, I love school now and I can't afford to miss it. Good grades, my family and friends, and faith to God keeps me away from all the stress. Unfortunately, I have this new fearsome thoughts that automatically bugs me at any time and any place. Like unwanted sexual thoughts (name it! everything) Definitely without pleasure, I did not wish for it to pop out in my mind. I am totally disgusted with it. Scary thoughts like what if I did this and turns out to be definitely wrong that it would cause a life, what if I killed this person or animal that is beside or in front of me, what if I stab this baby/child, what if I yelled inside the church while mass is on going, etc. How inhumane. Though I can control it, I still fear that I might do it any moment. Maybe I'd just kill myself after if any of that ever happened. I'm just kidding. I dearly respect the value and blessing of life. I've been very careful about serious things and tend to correct even the moves of others. Open switch/s, fans or any appliances also bothers me. It should all be closed when not in use (I swear I could sense any open appliances, nobody can fool me).
Fortunately, I am back to my normal eating habits, though I still have those frightening 'i-am-so-fat' thoughts. I can't go to school without my earrings and watch. As if my day is useless without them. And upon riding the bus, I can't help but to always check my bag at least 5 times, even though I know I've brought everything. I find it sometimes embarrassing to search in panic my bag in public. Also, I am still afraid of losing any member of my family, of being alone and afraid of accidents or any horrible events. So as to contradict these thoughts, I pray the same (except for the Thank You Lord God part, limited to 5 times only) and do my 'let-me-see-it-so-it-will-NEVER-happen' rituals. Yes, I still do these things even up to now. And I want my personal things in their places, I know when someone has been using my things, when they are not in their rightful places. It's still hard for me to throw away things, even if it's useless.. I can't do it. I also find it bad luck when I drop something upon going to school, accidentally or NOT (as if I ever intend to). No matter how late I am, I should pick them. I feel obliged to do so.
I am not really a tidy-neat-freak. It's okay to be dirty, literally. But these few weeks I, (or should I say my thoughts) keep on stressing me with how my room really looked like (A BIG MESS). I know it's true, but I just keep on denying it. And so I had to act or this thoughts any time might eat me alive. I have cleaned and rearranged some of my things. After the 3 days cleaning, packing and arranging I found red spots all over my arms. Gross! I felt very exposed right then, so I had to wash them, many times. I think I'm going insane. I am aware of what I am doing. I guess of all the cleaning etc, I'm just tired. But right after that I just remember of a certain disorder. About too much cleaning, neat freak and so on. But at that time I thought that disorder is just about being meticulous and having phobia's to germs. As I searched the net overnight I discovered a lot about OCD or Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, having phobias and other anxiety and depressive disorders. I suddenly became aware of my situation. All I know is that I have this OCD. I tried talking to my parents. First to my mom, I told her all about OCD and I think I need to see a psychiatrist/therapist soon. But she thought I was just having a hard time and should need enough sleep. I really tried to talk to her but she won't listen, she thinks I'm okay. I am so depressed right now i keep brushing my hair. I just found out that I've been doing this for 5 hours straight. I never have the guts to tell anyone (dad,grandma,siblings,friends) NO. After mom, I fear they would just all say the same. I know I am weird.. PLEASE I NEED HELP...
***BTW. I had a near death experience last February. The bus I'm riding could've fell off the bridge. Thank God I survived. I am still experiencing short panic attacks when riding the bus until now. PSTD? I just don't get it why no one, not even my parents are aware that I am feeling not so normal lately....
ocd
Hi,
I first noticed something was wrong around 16 years of age. Just overwhelming fear something bad would happen to a loved one. So the compulsions started anything and everything to do with counting in sets of 4. If I didn't get it just right I would do it over and over again. Re-checking things, touching things over and over again so they were "just right or felt even". I tried to force myself to stop the compulsions and i did but it took time. I thought I had lost most of my symptoms. But I realise now I would still be anxiety ridden about somethings. Like when my husband was away at night I would barricade my bedroom door so that If someone got in they couldn't get to my room without making a huge noise and I would hopefully wake up and be able to call the police. I had this fear of waking up with someone on top of me. I know lots of women get anxious about being alone at night but I think mine was on an extreme level due to the ocd.
When I gave birth to my first child, I was diagnosed with post-natal depression and I also had obsessional thoughts(though these are not uncommon for mothers experiencing post-natal depression). I had other things starting as well. When I went to kiss my baby I would have this weird scary thought pop into my head that I might bite her cheek off. This really freaked me out, as other ocd suffers know their is no way we want this crap in our heads and we would never want to hurt our kids. It got to the stage with my different intrusive thoughts that I was scared to be alone with my children. I can remember asking my mum, do you think I will have my kids taken from me. Because if they( the authorities) knew what was in my head that they would think I was crazy.
I am now on medication and that has helped. I tried some cbt for depression earlier on but I was still too anxious and my medication hadn't started to help yet and the cbt was too distressing at this point. I am going to go to cbt again.
I have my daughter seeing someone for cbt, she is six and showing signs of the disorder/traits. I cried on and off for a week when I realised my little one would probably have to endure what I and other ocd suffers have endured. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy and especially not on my daughter. She was anxious about Death and got into ruminate thinking patterns, so we thought we should get her help. Then asking my 20 times a day "do I have dog poo on my foot? I have read heaps and seeking reasurance and confessing are classic ocd symptoms. Hers seems to be directed around germs. With help and cbt we may be able to prevent it becoming a full blown disorder. Unfortunately she will never be able to stop the thoughts but hopefully deal/shut them down and not respond with anxiety which fires off more thoughts.
Sorry the post is huge, but I find reading other peoples posts helps me feel not so alone with this. So I hope mine helps someone somehow. I am always interested in how other peoples ocd affects them.
My thoughts to everyone out there with ocd or any other mental illness. Just keep plugging away, who knows maybe a great breakthru will be made someday. Also if you are suffering in silence please tell someone. You are not"CRAZY" you have a imbalance in your brain. Be kind to yourself and seek help. Life is worth living when you recover. :-)
could it be OCD?
I'm 20 years old and I feel sometimes that I've been living with on and off OCD for quite awhile now. When I was younger it was worst. I had to touch the floors every few minutes, or hit the wall with my head or tongue. I had to have everything in my room arranged in a certain way and I wouldn't be able to sleep if something was out of place. I had routines made up for every day of the week and I HAD to fallow it, if I didn't then it would bother me all day. Then I would get irratations like the way my dad would prononce is S's would drive me crazy that I sometimes had to leave the room. Or I would get these fears at night that someone was in my house and was trying to kidnap me or that my house would catch on fire. So I would wake up in the middle of night to make sure everything was ok. Whenever I would have a story to tell someone, I would have to repeat it twice to make sure that they heard me right. Before going to bed, I had to touch the floor twice, turn off my lamp and shades, and shut the door not completly shut but just enough and everything had to be done in that order. Once a teenager, thse obessessions died down quite abit but I still have them here and there, even to this day. Recently, just this fall, I had them come back but they were different. I went through a phase where everything my boyfriend would do would drive me CRAZY. From the way he talked or pronounced his words, to how he ate or walked or smiled. And then the way he looked, I would try and find a problem with him everyday, all day long at the point where it interfered with my social life. I couldn't sleep or concentrate in school and I lost a good 15 pounds cause I was too distracted to think about food or eating. I began to try and avoid him because being around him was too stressful. But then when I wasn't around him, I would constantly be looking at pics of him on facebook and point out more flaws. And this was after 9 months of being with him that I started noticing all of this. It came to a point where it almost broke up our relationship. I was constantly insulting him and never beeing happy around him that it caused various fights and arguments. The thoughts in my head were so strong that I couldn't function anymore. I stopped hanging out with close friends or with anyone that would make the problem worst. If someone would point out something about him like that he had a big nose, then that thought would never leave my head so staying away from people was what I needed to do, but then again, being alone made me think too much. Anyways, it seems that after I came back from a one week vacation with him, things got better. I had to face my fear of being around him by being stuck with him on vacation for a whole week 24/7. At first it was difficult but with time I got used of being around him and now I don't get frustrated by these little flaws anymore. But I still get minor irratations and anxieties here and there, like the fact that I'm always late for class or anywhere I go because I need to fallow my routine and repeat things if I didn't do it write. Could all this be OCD? I've been in denial for awhile but now I'm curious to find out what's going on.
You have OCD !!!
Sorry to say, but you do have OCD. I know for certain, this is true. If you need more info., contact me anytime you wish. OCD is a terrible disorder to live with, but it's not the end of your life. Feel free to write me if you wish and I can tell you of some medications that can help you. Thanks, Steven Jones.
You sound like a ....
Creep!
Where are your credentials? How can you diagnose someone via post on the internet? Grow up, get a life and stop trolling.
Format
I'm definitely suffering if not diagnosed.
Evidence would be in the fact that despite having read and emphasised with the first few sentences, in order to read what you have written I would have to copy and paste it into word and paste into a word document and format it to my liking, which I am tempted to do, but won't because I have to control this and can't live my life like that.
I'm sure you have lots of great things to say and this isn't meant to be in anyway derogatory, but it almost hurts to try and read your article.
If you'd reformat it so it was less congested that would be ridiculously kind and far too much to ask, so I simply request that you take my comments as a compliment; if I were to try and comment on every article that I read I'd go mad.
...got to go, biscuit eater in the house!
Hi my father behaviour is
Hi my father behaviour is abnormal for last 2 month they used to bath twice in mornng they are completly out of control , my father abuse me and my mom when we try to stop him doing all these things.
I don't know what to do...
Hello. I have to make this short because there's to much for me to write about in this small space. I'm 14 years old and I find myself having to wash my hands, lysol things before using them, repeat my actions which at worst consume 6 hours of my day. I have to tap things, use my laptop a certain way, and now I don't even want to use the computer because I have to open a tab up 20 times or double everything. It's so frustrating. I find I've been like this since I was little. I've gone for help to a phyciatrist, to my mom's disaproval. (I think it's more so she doesn't want to believe I have it, or is to embarrassed to have 'an imperfect' child.) When I went to him, he had this questionaire and I said "no" and answered his questions to make myself seem normal. My mom said if I had OCD I'd be labeled for life and I'd be weird, and at last minute I got scared and I couldn't tell him the truth. Now she says 'you don't have it' or 'it's self induced'. I hate having this, I think it's OCD but I'm not sure. It's hard to write in school because I have to rewrite things and it's almost impossible for me to do my homework; un top of the tension I feel. Please help me!
take charge
honey, it seems like your mother is not very understanding. You need to understand that this a very common thing today but it's not good to just let it grow on you like that. You should get help, even if secretively because 6 hours a day is a lot of time and you don't want this to take over your life. Speak to your counselor about it. She should be able to help you out.
RE
Hey! I saw an NBC OCD documentary, which brought me here. I am 23 and share many similar habits you described. For instance, I have this need to visit every link/tab in a website I use often (e.g. Bank of America to pay bills), to make sure I covered every piece of information; that I didn't miss anything. If I get distracted halfway, I'll often have to restart, otherwise my process is 'contaminated.' It is time consuming, frustrating, and IRRATIONAL. At home, I have to know where everything is, that everything is placed most efficiently, and I'll often check over and over that those items are still there. On excel or databases, if one data entry is plural, all future data entries have to be plural (e.g. a food list has to be cheese, potato, apple NOT cheese, potatoes, apple) or all entries have to have the first letter capitalized, etc (I know, all silly).
I consider myself a logical person, and know my behavior is illogical, but I still have this feeling/need to recheck everything and make everything perfect. I don't take medication, but hope the following will be of help to you!
(1) Chewing gum
(2) Running (mostly soccer, football..)
(3) Orchestral music
(4) Limit sugar/coffee
(5) Keep yourself occupied
GL!
my problem
im 18 and have had this OCD for like 4 years now was nothing at first was just the odd .. i needed to put things down and pick them up four times and everything had to be in place or if not ... something was going to happen its worse now.. i got bullied at schoool got an eating disorder then it got worse i had to start praying but it wasnt just one pray it was like 20 a day !!!! ad if anyone..ANYONE interupted or i feel it didnt go write id have to do it all over again then id get really angry and pissed off !! now being 18 i do it all the time i fell great when im drunk or out with friends becuase i dont do it but i have the fear im going too be egnored off my loved ones or that im going to get attacked if i go out and its HORRIBLE! ive seen a physciatrist and they havnt got back in touch atall i'll also be fine all the time really happy , loud ,bubbly and making everyone laugh then BOOOM i can be in tears throwing things around and feeling absolutley worthless so upset and that i've done something wrong my dad was also ill when i was younger and still is in and out of hospital so i dont know if its that, the eating disorder AND being bullied and running away from home making me do all this i also think im magic :| sounds stupid but i do.. i have a jesus ornament in my room which i HOPE proctects me i also say ' i pray to god' at the start of a senctence regulary becuaseit woule become more true .. i now have a bf and i fear 24/7 he hates me and hes liking someone new and that im not good enough allthough people tell me im TOO good for him i NEVER talk to my mam or anyone .. loud noises and people talking at once, heights, loud noises and busy places freak me out !!!! its horrrible i cry myself to sleep at night too scared sick that a certain person doesnt love me even though he tells me he does .. aye get horrible thoughts in my head and im crying as i right this as its showing how much of a freak i am ! ive also cut my self loads and have so many slashes on my arms which my mam knows about but i always feel not good enough too fat, too ugly not pretty enough and it gets to me everyday exspecially the praying i feel like i need to do it now but for ONCEEEE im not going to im going to TRY and not do it .. hope this helps other people too but id love more advice !!!! :)
OCD and anger?
I have never officially been diagnosed with OCD, but feel I may in-fact suffer from its demands. I can't place its starting point except that my mother had us cleaning on a daily basis, almost insane-like. I joined the military and felt the need to clean everything, even fellow soldiers rooms. Since marraige and children it got worse. Almost intolerable for the husband. I have no real patterns or rituals, except that I love vacuum patterns on the freshly vacuumed carpet, so this causes me to vacuum daily. I had to have EVERYHTING cleaned and picked up and put away before bedtime (which was my husbands big issue, he hated my nagging) I felt as if i HAD to do this before bed, even if in my head i was thinking "i dont want to do this, im tired" I relentlessly cleaned and grumbled about it, then went to bed like everyone else. I can handle all that...sounds like my mother when I was a child...no biggie right?
My husband is on his second deployment, so I now do all the household chores, and needs for the kids (4 yo and 18mo). I have recently tried (and succeeded) in refusing to clean in my old patterns as I am just TOO DAMN TIRED! Yet, i have grown angrier and more disgruntel everyday. Outburst are the worst, cursing is my fall back... I say things i dont mean, and half the time I dont even know what im saying until after it came out of my mouth LOUDLY! I dont want my kids seeing "angry mommy", but its mostly a gripe and complain to myself (because I dont expect them at their ages to pick up slack) but they hear my angry words and fussing.
I can't fight my "OCD", if its making me more aggitated and unhappy. I can't keep my "OCD" because it was killing my husband and mines relationship and nightime regiment.
I am thankful that at this point I can choose a path, but I fear I really need medicine and/or counseling to prevent the outburst or "OCD" from worsening
Anyone wanna share an opinion?
In my opinion, since you
In my opinion, since you asked, this is not really OCD. OCD is an anxiety disorder that is very often confused or overlooked. The reason I say it isnt OCD is because you didnt describe an Obsession, and no the obsession is not the cleaning if this were OCD then that would be the compulsion. With OCD the obsession is an intrusive recurring thought that is extremely distressing and uncontrollable. The fact that your childhood you grew up this way is why you became "like your mother" (no offense). But considering your outbursts and how upset this makes you it is clearly not normal and anxiety medication or therapy could really help.
There is hope!
Great information on obsessive compulsive disorder! Thanks!
It is true, that you can get rid of this disorder if you are willing to!
You can read my story with advice here.
Best of luck, Andrej
same problem
I keep repeating things again and again.For eg:when i go to tempel and i touch god my mind keeps working and saying touch one more time otherwise you cant do this work or that work.another eg is when i walk my mind keep thinking go from other side here god is there if you take smaller step you will kick the god.........................what should i do........................
Intrusive thoughts have
Intrusive thoughts have worsened for me over the years, I feel as though I'm going to end up shooting myself because I live with guilt everyday for what my mind thinks or says.
I have OCD, with germs, majorly, big BIG problem. Makes my anxiety sky rocket. Developed all this around age 19, im only 23 now, but this problem is worsening, anyone who doesn't have OCD should be so grateful, it's the worst feeling in the world.
I hate how my mom tells me to get over it, it doesn't just go away, its my mind its not going to do what I say it will keep going.
ocd
not sure if i can help but if this gets to youlet me know and ill try as i have suffered for many years with ocd intrusive thoughts but i have overcome the problem now doing self therapy.
ray
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder:
Hi my name is Jess & I am 17 and in year 12 at school..
I live in Australia & I am doing my Year 12 Research Project on The help & Support people with OCD can recieve in the local Southern Area of Adelaide, South Australia...
I was wondering....
1. Is Obsessive Compulsive Disorder genetic?
2. Who can develop OCD?
3. What stage in people's lives does OCD develop?
Any more comments would be lovely...
Thanks alot, :)
OCD hereditary
My husbands sister has a severe form of OCD nothing seems to be working. His uncle had same condition and ended up commiting sucide. His grandmother also had it. I am extremely concerned about my children. My husband is fine but I heard it can skip a generation and is worse in the second child. Have not noticed anything real concerning yet with either of my children. Can someone shed some light on how the disease runs in families? Thanks Kim
I do Aaaaalllllll these
I do Aaaaalllllll these things but I don't THINK I have OCD... Do I I wash my hands alot a lot and erase and rewrite things and open and close doors, cupboards etc... But I don't think opening and closing doors and stuff is OCD. I still don't think I do, well.... I sorta do get stupid thoughts a lot and they make me feel obligated to wash my hands. Do I have OCD?!?!?
ask a doctor!
OCD is an obsessive compulsive disorder, there are major differences between an obsessive compulsive personality and actually suffering from the disorder, and the main one is just that.. SUFFERING. The biggest difference is if someone is over run by a negative thought on a regular basis that they can not stop, that is the "obsession", and the "compulsion" only temporarily(if at all) relieves the sufferers stress from the obsession. Which could be why it is so repetitive. Having an obsessive compulsive personality generally one would feel better after things are "done correctly." That being said, ask a doctor! I am not a psychologist or an expert in the matter.
I am 19 years old and a new
I am 19 years old and a new freshman away at college. During high school I had anxiety and depression pretty seriously but I never thought to get help. Now that I am in college, my anxiety and depression has gotten worse and I think I am developing OCD. I have always had weird thoughts since high school but I never thought anything of them or that they could be related to my anxiety and depression. I like the number three and I have to eat in threes, kiss 3 stuffed animals every night before bed and everytime I go into the bathroom I have to make sure no one is hiding in the shower. I also often wake up in the morning with the horrible thought that my whole family has been murdered so I have to check on each of them and make sure they are okay. I also do this weird thing where when I'm watching tv I have to look at a character's hair 3 times otherwise I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life. Sometimes I have to perfom whatever act my brain decides otherwise something bad will happen to my family. And when I get a bad thought in my mind about a family member dying I HAVE to say "no that won't happen" otherwise it will. If I'm not blessed after I sneeze I think I will die so if no one says it I have to say it myself. I often question life and cant understand the point of it. I used to think I was superstitious but now I really don't know.
Ocd
I'm 13 and going to turn 14 soon and have had OCD since I was 4 years old. One day I started washing my hands nonstop. I remember very little and that's the only thing I remembered of when I was 4. I remember being so scared when I was washing my hands. My mom has OCD to but mine is bad. My mom saw me washing my hands and told my dad that somethings wrong with me and took me to the hospital. I was scared to eat and touch anything! My mom told me that the first day at the hospital all I ate was a cheerio. It's horrible to have OCD and be so scared. In school I always hear teachers and students say stuff about OCD. Like one time a teacher told us to fold a paper and it doesn't have to be perfect and said " no OCD!" like it's a joke or something! I remembered that when I was in the hospital I had a nurse name Pepper! Getting OCD at 4 is the oldest memory I have too. I remember being so scared. Alot of people dont understand what it's like to have no control, to be so scared and can't stop yourself! People at school laugh about OCD like it's a joke! Having OCD isn't normal and something is wrong with you and some people just think it's funny but don't know how much fear I have gone through! One time a guy was talking about a guy he knew that had to have a door mat clean and that the guy had OCD. People were laughing at his story until I said " I have OCD!" and everyone shut their mouths with wide eyes and I could tell they regreted laughing. My memory of OCD wasn't pleasant but I remember the nurse Pepper blowing bubbles and I told her blow more. " only if you eat your pancake" is what she said! I didn't want to eat it but little kids will do whatever it takes to get to see bubbles! So I took a bite of my pancake and she blew bubbles and I remember being so happy and giggling! My nurse Pepper was so nice and she was the one who made me smile! :) it's going to be 10 years since I saw her! And I only got to know Pepper for a few days but ever since then I remember her! People should stop being jerks about people have OCD and be thankful they don't have it! Because I get scared of myself sometimes and hate the fact that I have it because the call it a mental disorder! That something is wrong with you. I know that I am just going to have to except things because theirs nothing I can do. I am little unsocial and have had problems with nightmares and scary things too. But I'm happy that the world is filled with people who care about me! Pepper, my parents, friends, and family have all helped me! Thank you!
There's Life After OCD
I was diagnosed with OCD just out of college. It would take a long time to leave the house because I would have to check and recheck the stove over and over again. I would drive around the block to make sure I hadn't run over someone. The good news is that there is life after OCD. I take a medication and have learned to manage the OCD pretty well. I have a wife, a son and a good job. If you want to hear more about my story, I have a book I wrote called, "I Have OCD" and it's available on the Kindle from Amazon
I hope this helps
same problem as you
i am 25 and i start diagnose my ocd from 23 when i was in collage , i start with feloxetin and after while i dont check with my doctor and i become careless about everything in my life , but suddenly after i graudeate i find job and then severe anxiety just happen to me.i quit job and starting new medince , i find a job recently but all i wanna know is how much time till this pill efect me and i become normal again?
I have been doing exactly
I have been doing exactly what u do with the stove and many other things what can I do to stop it ? I really need some answers I feel helpless I need help. Should I see a doctor and what kind of doctor
I'd see a doctor
The good news is that you aren't helpless. I've been where you are and there is help. I suggest seeing your primary care physician and explaining what you are doing. When I went into the doctor, she put me on a medication that really resolved about 90% of the problem. I still have OCD, but not nearly as severe. Let me know how it goes!
Ever sence iza lil young-n iv
Ever sence iza lil young-n iv had headlice, it it drives me up a wall..do i have ocd??
Thanks for this article. I'm
Thanks for this article. I'm 15 and I thought I had a very small mild case. I guess not. Idk if it had anything to do with my dad having tourettes syndrome... I have hand sanitizer all the time. I can't eat after anyone. Not even my own mother. She often gets mad and calls me a germaphobe. Just like my girlfriend and my friends. I have to make everything I do in a beat of some sort. Once I walked backwards 6 yards because I didnt step evenly on a sidewalk. I haven't been diagnosed by a doctor but my mom wants me to get checked out out. Should I?
picking at my face/0cd
I have a problem with picking at my face. I pull my skin and pick at every pore.. I don't get pimples but I pick at every clogged pore I make my skin worse then what it is orginally. I make scars and scabs all over my face, chest and arms. I know its bad. It lowers my self esstem, makes me feel ugly and makes me hate myself. I get so upset after I pick.. I start crying bc I make myself look so bad. I try to avoid looking in the mirror but its hard. I try to not touch or pick my face but its a struggle. I don't know why its so hard to stop. I'm in the navy, active duty. And they put me on zoloft.. but it hasn't helped me. Please help me I'm willing to do anything.
OCD
Hi Ive had ocd since i was 14 years old.First tarted out with the telephone..was always calling and checking on my boyfriend and making sure he wasnt with other girls. I got over that..we were together 5 years. Then it started with my nose...I thought my nose was funny looking and i always thought people were staring at it..i would constantly look in te mirror and take pictures.My OCD has gne way but it comes back..especially when the doc switches your meds around. Or if you quit taking them because you think you are feeling better again and think you dont need them. it has came back 10x worse this time around and its with my hair. Im always taking pictures and looking in the mirror .i spend most of my day doing this over and over. I cant stop it. I have t make sure there isnt onehair out of place.I have a BOB haircut and i freak out when it doesnt look right to me and start to have anxiety attacks.Can someone give me some advice?? im going crazy
I'm 14
I don't know how early OCD can start but i have heard hair plucking and face picking can take part in OCD and i remember when I was very young (6-9) I would consistently tie my hair in knots and pull it out. I have stopped that but as I have gotten older I have gotten more blemishes/acne and I ALWAYS pick at it and i'm starting to think it is signs of OCD. As well as I have a phobia of germs and specifically keeping my things clean and organized. I don't have a specific problem with re-counting or re-checking my stove and other items. Only with basic stuff like checking over a list and checking the calculator multiple times to see if I get the answer right. This anxiety almost takes over me completely.. I isolate myself away from friends and situations that involve touching other peoples hands or touching surfaces that people have coughed on or have even touched. I get angry when someone disturbs my routine and sometimes agrivated and very unusual. Of course it's really hard to ask for help from my parents because I am scared of what they will say ("It's just a phase") and I don't know how to ask for help.. PLEASE help me.
reply to picking at face OCD
One of my best friends does the same thing as you so do not feel alone.I also pick at my scalp and continually scratch open my skin wwhen it is healing. When stress levels increase or if u tend to just worry about the future etc that can happen,or that is what is happening with me.u may want to talk to your doctor about a low dosage of Paxil,say 20mg.another thing u can do is try reading or writing or keeping your hands occupied so that your mind is distracted with being fidgety and picking.oh the mind eh...:)
OCD
As a young child I did the hand washing thing, slow methodic prefection of everything, counting everything. One when I was about 10 I had been playing outside for a couple of hours and had been in and out of the house a dozen time to wash my hands. Honestly I was getting sick of it and it was driving mom crazy. So I just decided no more hand washing. Well I managed to stop for a couple of days and found myself doing it again. So realizing this wasn't working I decided to do the opposite, get dirty and nasty. So made a mudhole in the back yard and climbed in and made myself stay there until mud didn't bother me even saved a few worms. Then I got up went to the garbage can stuck my hands in it until I stopped freaking out. I was feeling pretty good if not digusting yelled for mom to get the hose you should have seen the look on her face. I found do the opposite and get comfortable with it. If you count everything screw up you own count, just keep doing it. Be random in your actions, take joy in screwing your OCD up. Free yourself only you can do it. Blessings
Ocd - a way of my life
I have had ocd since I was very young
I am 18 years old now ... it has become a part of my life now .. I see things many times
I think about the dead nd imagine how they were killed...I turn on nd off a switch 3 times,
gross scenes on tv fear me .. if I see a thing once, I have to see it 3 times .. its a way of my life now .. I think repeatedly about the same things .. on the out side I am perfectly normal,but when I am alone , these things fear me . I open nd shit the fridge door three times.. I used to feel as if I am posessed before I read this article
it hinders my concentration level nd makes me lazy coz the more I do work, the more ocd traps me .. plz suggest me wat to do .. I can't tell my parents .. get me out of this living hell ..
ocd
Hello
I had read your comment and I just noticed that my situation about OCD is the same way as your. I started as really young age and now I'm 29 years old but still have this OCD. I did the same thing when you talked about "the dead nd imagine how they were killed...I turn on nd off a switch 3 times,
gross scenes on tv fear me .. if I see a thing once, I have to see it 3 times .. its a way of my life now .. I think repeatedly about the same things .. on the out side I am perfectly normal,but when I am alone , these things fear me" All these are the way I am as well. I'm glad to hear that I am not alone this in the world. I really want to get out this OCD but it so hard. I been try to stop many times but it always come back later to me.
my cronic problem
hey my symptoms are too much extended. i have always negative thoughts in mind . if i walk or do any work some thoughts come like- if u step here urs accident will happen or if u do this work some bad will hapen with u or ur relatives. there is too m uch of frustuation in mind. even without imagining any thing pictures keep flashing in mind, even if i dont want to imagine it keeps coming.as these type of thoughts come as i have mentioned,i have to respond to thoughts as if like i have to say myself it is wrong or means if to do somethhing respond to it even if dont wantto otherwise if didnt do this i feel uncomfortable as if somthing of mine is loss .
OCD is chronic...awesome :/
Well-written and informative article, I enjoyed it. I have had OCD since I was a teenager (I'm 25)....it all started when I was about 12 and I spent years suffering silently in my head because I was so afraid that I would be deemed completely insane and carted off in a straight-jacket. I couldn't tell anyone about it, even my mom who was practically like my best friend (though later on in my 20s when I finally got help, I found out she has OCD too. I never knew it all those years!) The disorder caused me to have MAJOR anxiety about dying in strange and unlikely ways, or my loved ones dying in strange unlikely ways. Whenever we learned about a major disease in health class in high school (AIDS, epilepsy, anemia, leukemia, carbon monoxide poisoning even) I would spend the next 2 weeks analyzing myself and was sure I could detect "symptoms." I would check the locks after my parents went to bed, and I had to make sure all the curtains were closed. I had this guardian angel pin and cross necklace that I wore 24/7...all the time. Even on my pajamas. I was convinced that if I took off that pin, God would stop watching over me and my family and something horrible would happen to us. I had visible holes in all my pajamas from wearing it night after night.
In high school I started this weird compulsion where I have to constantly be reading things. When I'm driving, riding in the car, eating my lunch, whatever...if there are words anywhere around me, I have to read them. Then I started this thing where I "type" in my head. sometimes in my lap on an imaginary computer keyboard, and I type the things that I read. It's like I HAVE TO do it. It's very odd. And I worry constantly about car accidents. Whenever my fiance drives somewhere and doesn't answer his phone, my mind immediately thinks "He's dead." And then I start thinking about how my life will unravel and fall apart. Also, a few years ago I developed anorexia and now I'm trying to lose weight again and the anorexic thought patterns are coming back. In college I got really screwed up with an eating disorder...comes with its own O's and C's, such as writing my calorie count on my hand every time I ate something. I exercised obsessively. I also started cutting myself and that was when I kind of had a nervous breakdown and finally admitted that I had a huuuuge problem.
I took Lexapro for a few years, and it literally gave me my life back. But it also killed my sex drive and I gained back 60 pounds over 3 years...so I switched to a different one for awhile. Then I noticed myself having mild obsessions and panic attacks again. I hadn't had them the WHOLE time I was on Lexapro. The first time I had one again after a few years of not having them, the old familiar fear returned because I knew I had just lost control, if even for a moment.
Now I'm on 150 mg of clomipramine (plus my usual 450 mg of Wellbutrin that I've been on for years) daily. I have only been taking it for 2 weeks so far and it makes me so freaking drowsy...but I can tell it's working a little bit already. Someday I want to be able to fight the thoughts off all by myself, medication-free. But right now I'm working full time and getting a master's degree and playing in a band, so I do not have time or mental energy to spare. If I have to be on meds, I don't care as long as they work.
Life with OCD can be a living hell. It's like being imprisoned in your own mind. BUT...it doesn't have to be that way! It is chronic, but symptoms can be managed. There was a time when I was convinced that I would live in that hell every day for the rest of my life, but I'm like a different person now and it doesn't scare me as much as it used to. There is definitely hope :)