Am I a Feminist Now?

When I walked into the classroom, I walked in with very little knowledge about feminism and about gender.  I knew that gender is a social construct and that gender categories based on sex is problematic but I did not truly understand the extent or what it meant.  I came into the class not really sure what feminism was and whether or not I consider myself a feminist.  People might have assumed I was a feminist because I go to an all women college and I also have been athlete all my life.  Those facts might make it easy for other people to label me as a feminist but I didn't feel comfortable with that label because I really didn't know what feminism was all about.  So I came into Critical Feminism unsure of what to expect and what I was going to gain from taking this course.  All I knew was that this course was going to take me out of my comfort zone and force me to think about things I never truly thought much about before.  And I was right, this course made me feel uncomfortable and unsure and question the world we live in.  It forced me to question gender and how we put ourselves in boxes.  It forced me to question my culture and the definition of being a woman.  It forced me to question my self identity and allow me to be okay with the fact that I am not sure of who I am and finding your one true self is something that might take a life time to figure out.  It allowed me to understand that feminism is complex and simply at the same time.  It allowed me to leave this class feeling confident about labeling myself as a feminist because now I know what it means and I can identify with it.  Now the next step for me is to understand the kind of feminist that I am because from what I have learned there are many ways in which one can be a feminist.

I personally struggled with the writing assignments that were giving in this class.  I struggled because I am not use to writing a paper in which my voice is the most important.  I am use to writing research papers in which I comment on other people’s finding but their voice is more important.  I was able to come up with ideas that interested me but I felt I fell short in the execution of them.  I felt that my papers were jumbled and all over the place and I that I just didn’t go deep enough, that I only touched the surface of what I wanted to talk about and explore, which is something that I have to work on.  After writing these papers, it allowed me to look into myself and try to find MY opinion and no one else opinion.  By looking into myself I figured out that I should be more confident in myself and what I think and that I should be able to share what I feel and think with others because my opinion is just as important.

And that brings me to participation.  In the larger group I found myself unable to speak.  I found myself more comfortable with hearing what others said then what I could contribute.  I wasn’t confident enough or comfortable enough with the subject matter in which we were talking about that it prevented me from talking.  I understand that I am not always going to be an expert and that everything that I say doesn’t have to be perfect (so perfect that everyone has to agree with me) but I didn’t figure that out until it was to late.  By sitting in the class and listening to my fellow classmates, that also were unsure of the subject matter, speak up and get their opinion out it made me question myself and question why I didn’t speak when I could of shared my input in class.  This class has shown me that we, as students, can learn a lot from each other.  That teaching doesn’t always have to come from the professor.  Seeing this and I knowing what I know now, if I were to take this course again I would probably have spoken up more.  Additionally, this course has shown me that I have an obligation to share my opinions and views with others because by doing so I can help others learn and maybe change someone’s mind about a subject. 

I really enjoyed this course, even if it made me uncomfortable sometime and forced me to question myself.  I really gained insight to the culture we live in and insight about myself.  The course has allowed me to become more comfortable with who I am and also become more aware of my flaws.  I came into the class unsure about feminism and about gender but I came out of the course with a better understanding about both those subjects and better understanding of myself.