English 212
2002 First Paper
On Serendip

We were raised to believe that sex is only good after marriage. We were told that after marriage sex is beautiful, right, and completing. We were warned that those who made love before marriage were doing something wrong, cheapening, and possibly bad enough to send a person to the eternal fires of hell. People who had sex before marriage simply could not control their physical desires. Our parents know that there is no need to explain birth control to us, because that could be spoken about once we were engaged. Before the wedding night, mom would whip out the condoms and the names of different brands of birth control. Before that, all mom and dad need to explain is "you are precious, beautiful and independent. Oh, and try not to use tampons- you'll understand after your married".
A little confused- I used tampons anyway. With much more confusion, I had sex anyway. I still don't consider myself completely evil, and I think this attitude defines my subgroup: People raised to believe that sex before marriage is wrong, but do it anyway.
The basis for sexual language within my subgroup is important. I went to a public middle and high school (that taught abstinence) after attending a Catholic elementary school, like most of my friends whom I consider to be in my sexual subgroup. In early high school we began to talk about sex. We were seeing pregnant girls in classes. How could they do that? How could they do that to their families? It was not only that they got pregnant, but that they were having sex. Clearly they were just bad people. Then it dawned on us... people we looked up to were taking part in this, not only the "bad" or "dirty" kids. By no means did that signify that we would stop getting nervous when I'll Make Love to You (Boys II Men) played on the radio, but it was still a turning point.
The first conversation I remember about sex took place sitting on my friend's counter-top over a half gallon of peanut butter ice cream.
You know why girls scream when they do it *giggle* -because it hurts, especially the first time.
Well, it doesn't matter- I'm waiting until I get married.
Even if it hurts the first time, don't you want to enjoy it with the guy you're going to do it
with forever?
That doesn't matter- we'll just do it until I like it.
I'm going to wait. That way I won't want to cheat.
It is interesting to see that the girl who wanted to wait wanted to do so not for reasons dealing with the way she was raised. It appears to me that the way she was raised did not make the decision for her, but gave her a scaffold from which to build her opinions.
I was the second in my little circle (mostly Catholics or Christian by coincidence) to have sex. The first girl (stereotypically a cheerleader) denied it to everyone but me. I was simply sworn to silence. When I had sex for the first time told one of the other girls- she told everyone else. They thought it was crazy. Did you do it up the butt?, was my favorite comment. Some of my friends chose to make every innuendo possible during classes in order to torture me. The other non-virgin did not defend me; if she did, she would then need to defend herself.
Soon all but a few had had sex, and began to talk about it. We spoke about everything from kissing to blowjobs and eating out (which we did not consider sex at the time). We spoke freely, while reminding ourselves every now and then that we were bad people.
It should be pointed out though, that we were not the bad kids in high school; but the good kids. We were in National Honors Society, waitressed Friday nights, volunteered on Saturday mornings and went to church on Sundays. We were the dorks in the AP classes and ran cross country. My point is, that like most people, the way were raised had a huge impact on our sexual lives. We learned many things from the people who raised us. However, such a decision is inevitably left to the individual. Matt Groening says it best.
"When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities."


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