So here are my sex jokes....
What do you call a lesbian Eskimo?
A Klondike
Have you head about the new lesbian sneakers?
They are called, "Dykies" and you can get them off with one finger, but they had to be recalled because the tongues weren't long enough.
So here is where the line is crossed for me.
ANY Racist or sexist joke that does not criticize racism or sexism.
Jokes about rape/sexual abuse of anyone, but especially sensitive are children/elderly/ or mentally incapacitated people.
I love sex jokes. I can handle most of those assuming they do not fall in one of the two categories.
So if I had to categorize the jokes I recall from class these would be the categories...
Feminist
Lesbian
Penis
Jokes that uncover the ridiculousness of Homophobia
Plays on words
Just down right sick
3 Sisters
Three sisters wanted to get married, but their parents couldn't afford it
so they had all of them on the same day. They also couldn't afford to
go on a honeymoon so they all stayed home with their new hubbies.That night the mother got up because she couldn't sleep.When she went past her oldest daughter's room she heard screaming. Then she went to her second daughters room and she heard laughing.Then she went to her youngest daughter's room and she couldn't hear anything.
The next morning when the men left the mother asked her oldest daughter, "Why were you screaming last night?" The daughter replied "Mom you always told me if something hurt I should scream." "That's true." She looked at her second daughter. "Why were you laughing so much last night?" The daughter replied "Mom you always said that if something tickled you should laugh." "That's also true." Then the mother looked at her youngest daughter."Why was it so quiet in your room last night?" The youngest daughter replied "Mom you always told me I should never talk with my mouth full."
I must admit that I laughed at most of the jokes said in class. To me a joke is supposed to be funny but when it comes to offending others and issues that should not be made fun of, I believe that the line is to be drawn between what is funny and what is not funny at all. Some of the jokes took me awhile to understand because I didn't know some of the slang used and it just took a while for me to figure it out. I made a comment in class saying that sometimes a joke may be funny in a certain language and once it is translated in English the context of the joke is not funny anymore. This actually happens to me a lot, and when asked what is so funny about it, it's so hard to explain!! Some of the jokes I heard in class were gross like the one about the two guys having sex with the dead body. I would have never guessed that was going to be the outcome of the joke. I thought that the two men would end up having sex with each other. I mean why couldn't the joke end up with the two men having sex? I guess the ending of this joke was a total surprise. It is always something unexpected that also makes a joke.
I thought about sharing another joke instead but ultimately chose the aforementioned one for abvious reasons. Here is the other one I considered. It is an old Bulgarian joke told to me by a good, old, Bulgarian friend:
Three women are sitting in a bar comparing how stretched out their pussies are. The first one says, "My husband can stick his whole fist up mine." The second one retorts, "Well, my husband can stick his whole arm up mine!" And the third one, well, she just slipped on the stool.
When he gets to his home-town, he searches out the local pimp. The soldier tells the pimp his war stories, and he explains that he doesn't have much money, but he really wants to have sex with a woman.
The pimp tells the soldier that there is one woman he can hook the soldier up with for relatively cheap.
The soldier agrees, and the pimp directs him to a room on the top floor of the building.
When the soldier enters the room, the woman is already spread-eagle, naked on the bed. Assuming that this was the go-ahead, the soldier starts to do his business.
All of a sudden, this white substance begins to ooze out of every pore in the woman's body. This really frightened the soldier, so he ran downstairs to tell the pimp.
After a moment's reflection, the pimp yells to a guy down the hall... "The dead bitch is full again!"
It struck me as almost heartbreaking that most of our class had to search the internet for jokes. If people are too busy to be able to remember jokes, are they also too busy to laugh? What does this say about Bryn Mawr and Haverford?
It makes me sad.
"Hello, ladies! Welcome to Heaven. There is just one thing that needs to happen before I can let you in. We've been getting some sketchy characters up here lately, so the Powers That Be have required me to ask each person a question before they can enter. I'm sure you'll all be fine."
With that, he turned to the first nun and asked her, "OK, so who was the first man on earth?"
She answered quickly and confidently, "Oh, that's easy! Adam!"
All of a sudden, an angellic glow descended, the gates swung open, and a gentle breeze carried her into heaven.
St. Peter then turned to the second nun. "Who was the first woman on earth?"
She also answered quickly and confidently, "Oh, that's easy! Eve!"
Again with the glow and the breeze and the swinging gates...
Finally, St. Peter turned to the last nun. "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?"
This time, the nun did not answer quickly or confidently. In fact, she almost stuttered. "Oh... Gee... That's a hard one..."
All of a sudden, an angellic glow descended, the gates swung open, and a gentle breeze carried her into heaven.
#2
Four nuns were driving along in their nunmobile, out to do some community service. From out of nowhere, a huge mac-truck plows right into them, and the nuns all died instantly. St. Peter was there to greet them.
"Hello ladies! Welcome to heaven! Before I let you in, it is customary for me to ask if you have any final sins to confess."
The first nun stepped forward and embarrasingly admitted, "St. Peter, I saw a man's penis once."
St. Peter replied, "OK, that's no problem, what I'm gonna need you to do is just to wash your eyes out with some of this holy water."
The second nun stepped forward and bashfully admitted, "St. Peter, I touched a man's penis once."
St. Peter replied, "OK, what I need you to do is wash your hands in this holy water."
As soon as he was done saying that, he saw the other two nuns in an all-out brawl right in front of him. It was a mess, a total cat-fight. Habits were flying, hair was being pulled, the whole works.
St. Peter stepped in, "Ladies! Ladies! What's going on here?"
One of the nuns came forward, "St. Peter, I want to gargle with the holy water before that bitch has to sit in it!"
Name: Chelsea
Username: clphilli@brynmawr.edu
Subject: Yet another joke...
Date: 2002-09-25 18:12:13
Message Id: 2897
Comments:
Ok, so this was inspired by a class discussion we had in Biology and I think it relates well...especially to that "Universe in Heat" article we read:)
What came before the Big Bang?
Big Foreplay!
Hehe...